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gay-otlc · 3 years

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Keepers Of The Chaos (3)

Summary: Tam, Linh, Dex, Keefe, Biana, and Fitz are part of the tiny fandom for Keeper of the Chaos, and Tam and Linh’s podcast convinces some of their other friends to watch it as well. The group finds themselves strangely invested in this show, where students at Tumblr High School who work together to write about an elf named Sophia, cause incomprehensible chaos, and fight their rival Pinterest High School.

Content warnings: Cursing, religion (Jewish Vackers), and Amsterdam (just in case, I know that was stressful for some people).

Word count: 1621

Notes: Most of the episodes are just events stolen from Lynn's roundup, Dex's memes are here

(Read on AO3)

The life of an amateur meme maker on dumbles dot com was a strange one, that was for sure. After finishing xyr favorite show- Ze-Ra: Monaerchs of Powhir- for the third time, Dex had searched for another show to fill the void in xyr soul. Biana recommended this show called "Keepers of the Chaos" and described it to xem. Xe was doubtful at first, but after watching the first episode, xe was hooked.

Xe used to not have many friends at xyr school, so xe did what every neurodivergent queer teen would do- made an account on dumbles dot com. People seemed to like xem- or at least, they liked dizznee-plus's memes and edits of Ze-Ra characters. Even after Dex befriended xyr squish, Fitz, thons sister, Biana, and aer girlfriend, Sophie, xe continued making content on dumbles. Around that time, the Ze-Ra fandom started dying off, and xyr memes started getting fewer note

In a sudden, two am burst of inspiration, Dex made edits of some of xyr favorite characters, like Ref, Akki, and Rose, with their respective pride flags (all of them bi) over them, and captioned it "we must be gay." The post blew up, or at least, what could be considered blowing up in Keeper of the Chaos's tiny fandom, and that was how Dex found xyr calling as an amateur meme/edit maker for KOTC.

History had been repeating itself, with the KOTC fandom starting to die off, until it was revived by an announcement from creator Saturn Nolastname- a season two would be released soon. Frantically, Dex made a meme about season one episode two, with the car salesman meme. Xe edited "chaos keepers" onto the car salesman, "the rarelynoticed" on the car, and "this bad boy can fit so many stripper outfits into it."

That had been... an interesting episode, to say the least. The chaos keepers had been talking about the antagonists of "Sophie and the Dark Duck"- a rebel group called the Rarelynoticed. In the information packet they'd been given, it was confirmed that the Rarelynoticed wore black cloaks and armbands, but no other clothes had been mentioned. Somehow, the chaos keepers came to the conclusion that the Rarelynoticed really wore neon pink leotards and green stripper heels, then drew this idea.

Needless to say, the Tumblr staff did not let them write that into the book. Nor did Lynn, the unofficially chosen leader of the group. Unfortunately for her, this didn't stop the chaos keepers from drawing more of these- or the fandom from making a ton of memes. In addition to the car salesman meme, a post with Drake saying no to "wearing normal fucking villain outfits" and yes to "leotards and stripper heels" gained popularity within the small fandom.

Though nothing could match the absolute shock of seeing the Rarelynoticed stripper outfit for the first time, Dex decided to rewatch the episode anyway- it was funny to see the chaos keepers freak out, and maybe xe could get some good screen captures. The good Saturn Nolastname indulged xem, and xe captured an excellent scene of most of the chaos keepers either laughing or screaming at the Rarelynoticed stripper outfits, with Kimber- one of xyr favorites- sitting on the side, explaining to Juno and Kaitee why Bianca Cracker was bisexual.

Xe went over to dumbles, posted the picture, added an image description, and captioned it "Live photo of me not caring when my friends talk about sex/romance." Xe chuckled to xemself- this really was how it felt to be aroace. Xe tagged it as aromantic and asexual as well, since dumbles added flag colors. Smiling, xe went to go check xyr notifications.

Xyr jaw dropped when xe saw that @lordofthesnuggles- Fitzroy (Dex didn't know thons middle name) Vacker thonself had liked and reblogged all three of xyr memes, even adding compliments in the tags! Xe'd had a bit of a platonic crush on Fitz for... a really long time, but xe always felt too awkward to talk to thon, so it was nice to see that thon appreciated xyr humor.

Feeling energized- and excited to procrastinate on xyr math homework- Dex went to watch the next episode: Dark Duck Is Jewish Now. Being Jewish xemself, this was a really funny episode to xem.

Lynn had been writing a sort of spinoff- it would be called fanfiction, but it was for her own story- about some of the Dark Duck characters celebrating Christmas, and added a throwaway line about Bianca and Finn Cracker celebrating Hanukkah. Then, her fiance, Shai, had taken that idea and run with it, writing a list of ideas about what would happen if the Cracker family was Jewish. Hir friend Sam had jumped on the idea, and soon they had abandoned writing the actual Dark Duck in favor of writing a story about Jewish Dark Duck characters. Some of the other Jewish chaos keepers, like Ref and Cat, helped out.

To be honest, it kind of surprised Dex that no one had made a joke about the Jewish Crackers just being matzah, so xe supposed xe would have to be the first.

Xe posted that observation, quickly getting a like from Fitz- which made xem smile. After a few minutes, Dex posted another meme: Shai and Sam standing in front of a door with a sign that read "elves don't have religion," and them saying "This sign won't stop me, because I can't read!"

It was accurate.

While that episode was great for Jewish representation, and funny, the Banana Noir episode was just plain weird.

It focused less on the Dark Duck than most of the other episodes, and was more about the crazy interactions of the chaos keepers. The episode was named for Banana Noir, who was really Cat Noir, but in a banana suit. Banana Noir was the son of Mellie, who looked like a shark, and Nora, who had platonically married faer. The mothers tried to arrange a marriage between him and Akki, who loved the side characters of the Dark Duck series. However, Akki wanted to marry Amelia. After a lot of shit that basically no one understood, Banana Noir's attempts were thwarted, and Lynn officiated the wedding between Akki and Amelia.

Yeah, Dex had no idea what the fuck was going on either. Xe'd watched an episode of Twins of the Chaos and a youtube video by arsonpog analyzing the Banana Noir chronicles, as it had been dubbed by the chaos keepers, and both expert opinions seemed to agree that Saturn Nolastname and the rest of the writers had probably been on crack when they made that episode.

The next episode made slightly more sense, though it was a low bar. After taking a break from the "official" Dark Duck story, the chaos keepers began collectively writing a Cinderella story about the characters Sophia and Bianca. People weren't allowed to be queer in the official story, but the chaos keepers still wanted to have fun with their obviously gay characters.

Even to the viewers of the show, who only received secondhand information about the Dark Duck characters, knew there was no way any of them, let alone all of them, were allocishet. The exact identities weren't entirely clear- when Dex had made edits of the characters' official art and xyr headcanons for their pride flags, a few people had disagreed- but both the chaos keepers and the fandom knew that despite what Shannon said, Sophia and Bianca were in love, and their Cinderella story should have made it in to the official Dark Duck story.

While excerpts of the Cinderella story were quoted in the show, most of it was left unclear, so Biana had taken it upon aerself to write aer own version of it. Dex was expecting an update later that day, actually, or maybe the next. Ae wasn't always 100% reliable with aer update schedule. Still, Dex looked forward to when it eventually did come.

After the brief calmness from the Sophianca Cinderella episode, season one episode six, Amsterdam, exploded back into chaos. A few of the chaos keepers decided to discuss a fake scene in the book in which crazy shit went down, with the scene supposedly being located in Amsterdam. It had never been written and was never going to be, but everyone discussed it like it was real. Some of the highlights involved all the Dark Duck girls having swords (and the chaos keepers being gay for them), and a speedboat chase scene through the canals. Fitz had a popular theory that the chaos keepers would actually travel to Amsterdam in order to commemorate this crazy part of their lives. Almost as popular as that was a meme Dex made, with a man labeled "chaos keepers discussing amsterdam" and gesturing feverishly to a wall covered in papers and red string.

Of course, episode seven (Dark Duck Disney) was chaotic too. Everything was chaotic with this group, it was in the title. Shannon announced that the winning Dark Duck story would be adapted into a Disney movie. After past experience with terrible book to movie adaptations, the chaos keepers panicked. They panicked so much that it became major news within their school, which until then, had been largely ignoring the chaos keepers. Once the discussion about the movie settled down, they talked a lot about how in awe they were that their Dark Duck shenanigans were trending within the school.

But of course, none of that compared to the last episode of the season...

Dex changed xyr profile picture to include an ominous pair of teal eyes and sighed.

#tumblr kotlc fandom fandom #keepers of the chaos #shai types things #shai's writing #hehe like the ze-ra reference

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diamondcamefromhell · 4 years

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Timeless love

Jaskier x female!reader part 4

[PART 1] [PART 2] [PART 3]

Summary: This is an AU, where Y/N is a young woman, trying to make ends meet with her freelancing writing job. She lives in her small Nottingham studio apartment along with her cat Apollo. Things change when one evening as she is waiting for her taxi, she meets what she thinks is Joey Batey, but the man in front of her is convinced he’s Jaskier, a character from her current favorite show. Y/N now has to figure out what to do.

Warnings: Swearing

Word count: 2,124

A/N: first of all, thank u for positive reviews and kind comments on this story so far, again, it is kind of a slow burner, everything is moving slowly but this is what the story really is, as its taking place in our world, where no dragons or strigas exist and the biggest monsters are, well.. humans? ya kno

but anyways, any and all feedback is appreciated <3

I have to cut our loses. We spend a good hour outside, wondering around my apartment building. But we find nothing, not even a smallest hint of what happened to make Jaskier end up here. The bard stays quiet for most of the search, as I can tell he is still very much worried about me.

He only speaks when he sees a car pass by, as it startles him so much he immediately jumps behind me. I explain to him what it is, or try to, and he relaxes a little. Still flinching whenever a car goes by, though.

We rush inside, before Dave decides to visit again, as I lock the door. Apollo comes to greet us, meowing, but I ignore my friend, as anxiety washes over me and I can barely contain it. I know my companion feels it, as he glues himself to me, following my every step as I rush to the kitchen.

I see Jaskier sit at the couch again, not saying anything. I want to break the silence, but know my voice would shake, and I didn’t want to worry him even more. I throw some toast in the toaster, I will offer him a meal as an apology. I put butter and cinnamon on toast, bringing it to him. I set the plate on the coffee table, sitting down.

“I’m sorry.” I apologize, as the man looks at me. I can’t put my finger on it, but his expression makes me feel weird.

“Don’t be, I over-stepped.” I shake my head, pressing my lips together. I am willing to swallow a bit of my pride for this man.

“No Jaskier. I just… I made a promise. To the stars.” I close my eyes, scared of him judging me. This way, at least I don’t have to see it. “That I would make it on my own. Whatever that it may be. I don’t like it when people help me or try to be nice to me. Makes me feel… weak.”

“But everyone needs help from time to time.” There is no judgement in his voice, so I open my eyes. He gives me a kind smile, as Apollo jumps in my lap, purring. “You are helping me, does it mean I am weak?”

“No.” I say, biting the inside of my mouth, trying to stop the water works from leaking.

“Then why are you weak, if I help you a little?” I can’t answer that, so I just look down, at my cat, who is now napping, soundly. He has a point. “You’re being unfair on yourself. Allow me to say this, Y/N, even my great friend Geralt needs help sometimes. And he’s the bloody Witcher. It does not make him any weaker, if anything, it shows strength.”

“I know.” My voice shakes a little, as I wipe my nose. My eyes may be dry, but nose was runny. “It’s just, I prefer to be alone.”

“I used to say that.” His mind drifts far away. I cant help but admire how beautiful he manages to look. “But I hated nothing more than being alone.”

“I have Apollo.” I argue. He sighs, looking at me.

“Y/N.” He speaks to me like I am a child. We lock eyes, and I see so much care in his gaze, I want to run away. But I stay. “You need people.”

“Either way.” I say, ignoring him. I am barely holding back the tears. “Eat your meal. I have something to show you.”

I spring to my feet. Showing him moving pictures may be a good enough distraction for now. Introducing him to some of the great Internet, so we can avoid the sensitive topics. I look down to see my hands still shaking, so I rush to the bathroom.

There I see Jaskier clothes in a pile on the floor. I sigh, folding them, as tears escape my eyes. I turn on the faucet, making sure the bard can’t hear my heavy breaths and sniffling. It takes me a couple of minutes of crying to clam down. I wash my face, avoiding looking in the mirror. I stop the faucet and flush the toilet, purely because I am scared to go out just yet.

When I do, however, he doesn’t look at me, and I feel relieved. I rush to the bed, grabbing my laptop, soon landing next to him. Our legs touch and I feel the build up static shock me, so I jump back. He giggles, but I ignore that, opening up the computer, entering my password in a quick move.

One glance at him, and I see how mesmerized he is, my heart feels like it will burst. I take a couple deep breaths, wondering what I could show him.

YouTube and Netflix both were dangerous, as they could have his show on the main page, I still bite the bullet, turning the screen from his eyes, going to youtube. As expected, my feed is filled with recommended videos from Joey Batey. I stare at Jaskier for a moment, wondering if somehow he could be Joey, just very confused and lost one. But then I remember the Instagram story, and know I’m grasping at straws.

I search for cat videos, not sure what else to show him. What would interest a man who thinks he is from a fantasy world?

“Look.” I say, pressing play. It seems like his eyes are about to fall out as he stares at the screen, I giggle landing my hand on his. “Relax.”

“What is this magic?” I pause the video, pulling my hand away. Our eyes meet.

“This, Jask, is video. Moving pictures, if you will.” He still seems confused. “We have these things called cameras, that can take not-moving images of a moment, so you can cherish it, or can take moving things, like this cat video. There is even more, people create characters and stories and film them.”

“Do you have a camera?” I nod, putting laptop on the table, as I rush to get my Canon. I come back, turning it on. I decide to use the view finder. I sit next to him. “Here.”

“How do I use it?” He asks, twisting it around, before he begins staring at the screen.

I explain. Then he takes some pictures, of my room, me, my laptop and Apollo. I take some of him, and we even try to take some together, as we both laugh, trying to fit in that small space.

Then I show him some films. I start with my personal favourite and a classic – Titanic. Stopping whenever he get’s to confused, explaining things. We move to more and more films, only taking a break when we both get hungry.

I take the chance and sacrifice my wallet and order us some pizza, which he seems to like. He tries his first fizzy drink, Sprite, and at first he hates it, but I see him sip it more and more as the day progresses.

It keeps up for a couple of weeks. We spend days watching movies as he slowly learns more about the way my world works. We spend some of my savings as I order different take out, but eventually he helps me cook some dinner for us. He slowly, but surely adapts.

Until it all crashes down.

I go to use the bathroom, leaving Jaskier at the laptop. When I come out, however, he is on his feet, anxiously walking around. I stop, my heart dropping to my feet. I see Joey’s face on the screen. No, not his.

I see Jaskier. A video of him, in the tavern, signing.

He probably went to YouTube And found a video of himself. And a whole lot of questions.

My gaze goes from the screen, to the man, who has stopped pacing, and now is staring at me. His eyes burn, as I see betrayal written all over it. I don’t know what he even thinks is going on and I don’t know how I can explain it to him.

“Jaskier, please.” I point to the couch, but he just shakes his head. I put my hands behind my back, so he wouldn’t see them shake.

“What does that mean?” He asks, as his voice breaks. I feel my heart shatter.

“Please, sit down.” I try to plea, my voice slightly shaky.

“Just tell me what it means!” I flinch at his yell, fighting back the tears. No matter how much it hurts me, I know that he was hurting so much more.

“I don’t know.” I say, and that is the honest truth. His shoulders hang low. “Jaskier, I don’t know.”

“I’m a character.” His voice fills with disgust, as a sudden rush of bravery washes over me. I step to him, grabbing his shoulders.

“You’re so much more than that. You’re here.” I plead again, forcing him to look at me. “You’re you.”

“I’m not even real.” He hisses, escaping my grip. I wrap my hands around myself, as I continue staring at him, as he walks around. Looking for something, anything probably. Wanting things to make sense.

“Then am I crazy and just imagining you? Dave saw you too, Jaskier.” I raise my voice, which makes him stop pacing. Our eyes meet. “You are as real as me. This world just isn’t yours. How that happened, I don’t know, and we will get you home.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” There is so much hurt in his voice that I want to hide under my bed. Run away. Escape. But I choose to stay, for him.

“There is no easy way to say something like this. I don’t even know what this is!” My voice cracks, and that makes Jaskier’s expression soften a little. The storm is passing. “Yes, I recognized you as Joey because he plays you. But you are more than Jaskier we can see on tv. You’re more.”

“Y/N.” Tears escape and that completely washes any and all anger the bard might have had. He comes to me, pulling me towards himself, until we are in an embrace.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you.” I sheepishly say, as he rubs my back. “Hiding it wasn’t right. But explaining this… it’s just unexplainable.”

“I can’t expect you to have all the answers.” I shake my head, as he hugs me tighter. I hear him sigh. “I’m sorry. I scared you. You were trying to protect me.”

“You had a right to be mad.” I say, as tears finally seem to stop. I wipe my eyes and nose to my sleeve, but Jaskier doesn’t let me go just yet.

“You’ve been nothing, but kind to me. You gave me a home.” He lands a kiss on my forehead, as my heart melts. “I should be thanking you.”

He now lets me go. I wrap my hands around me, as I watch him go to the laptop, give it one final look, as he closes it. My heart breaks and I know he probably will look at it more. When I leave him alone, or at night. He will hurt himself more but he will never show me.

Because he knows it would hurt me too.

“When you said who you were, Jask, I didn’t believe it. I’ve seen the show. That’s how I knew about Geralt and Yen.” I confess, as he looks at me. His face expressionless. “That’s also why it was so easy to take you home. It felt like I knew you. Because if you were who you said you are… I’ve seen you. You were already part of my world.”

“You liked me?” He asks, crossing his arms. I can’t help but smile.

“I did. You were truly my favourite.” That makes him smirk, but his eyes remain sad. “Getting to know you, only furthers that.”

“I want to watch the show.” He says, and I knew he would. I bite inside of my mouth, as I think about it.

“I can’t stop you from watching your own story, Jask.” I say, hugging myself tighter. “I cant try and protect you anymore.”

“Watch it with me.” Our eyes lock as my heart skips a beat. He seems so sad and scared.

“Of course.” I say, swallowing back more tears.

So we watch it. We watch his story unfold. I avoid looking at him during these eight hours, scared of what he may look like. After the finale, I pause the show before another one starts. There is silence between us as I finally look at him.

He has tears in his eyes, and for a second time today, I feel my heart shatter.

[PART FIVE]

~~~~~~~~~~

TAG LIST [if you want to be added or removed from this list, let me know <3]

@ultracolorfulnerdcollection ; @viyamystic ; @sleepyblossom ; @killjoy-acid-crash ; @halszka-potter <33

#timeless love #jaskier x reader #jaskier au #witcher au #slowburner #jaskier angst #not much fluff #but its coming #joey batey #kinda??#its weird #idk what tags to use #either works #please enjoy #lots of love

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booksbroadwaybbc · 6 years

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How I Escaped My Mental Prison: 5 Habits That Changed My Life via /r/selfimprovement

How I Escaped My Mental Prison: 5 Habits That Changed My Life

“You will never change your life until you change something you do daily” ~ Mike Murdock

Think about this. You are the product of what you repeatedly do. Each small action is telling of who you are.

Consistent small action over time develops into a habit. Habits can MAKE or BREAK you. This means you need to be aware of everything you do. If you put thought and intent into your actions, you can develop good habits that will put you on the path to success.

I know this is true because I experienced both the good and bad sides of habits.

I used to be weak and pathetic. I was unable to handle stress - with my mind and body working against me. I thought it would magically change one day. That I would wake up and everything would be better. After years of thinking like this, I learned the hard truth. It was not going to change unless I made it change. It took time and effort, but I learned how habits could make or break success. After trial and error, I have developed habits that work best for where I want to go in life.

My misfortune was the result of falling into bad habits. Without consciously being aware, my mind programmed itself to crave poor performance and ill health. My biggest problem was the tunnel vision that came with it. For the longest time, I was not aware of the mental prison I subconsciously built by adopting bad habits.

Below you will find 5 habits that made great change in my life. The results I have gotten in adopting these habits would seem unachievable to my former self.

These 5 habits are:

Consistent Sleep Schedule

Outline Daily Goals

Eliminate Escapism

Dedicate Time to Personal Growth

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Each habit is outlined with a 3 step approach.

Problem: This is how I was living my life. A description of the troubles and pains I experienced without any structure and discipline in my life.

Motivation: This is a general outline of what the habit is and why you should adopt it.

Result: This is a testimonial of how my life changed as a result of adopting the habit.

1. Consistent Sleep Schedule

Problem: In the past, I was an anxious, fidgety mess. I would bite my fingernails, bounce my knees up and down, and was unable to sit still in lectures. My mind was foggy and I never had energy to do anything. Mentally, I was incoherent and dull. Mornings were the most difficult part of the day for me - with falling asleep being the second. Some days I had so little sleep that I started to lose my mind. So much so, that I tried to develop an online persona of being INSANE(What the f*ck!?). That’s right! This was a BIG problem! My lack of sleep was starting to negatively affect my subconscious mind.

Motivation: In order to perform your very best, you need to be well rested. There is no substitute for good rest. You want to aim for 6 hours and 30 minutes to 8 hours of rest every night. This is the general amount of recommended sleep for adults. You may require more, so it is best to experiment. I am no expert on the intricacies of sleep; however I know your mind rests in 90 minute cycles. You want to set your sleep schedule to align with a whole-number of sleep cycles. If you wake up in the middle of a cycle, you will feel very drowsy - making it much more difficult to get out of bed.

Most importantly, you need to be consistent with your bedtime. In time, your mind will adapt to this time. On the first day, you may find it difficult to fall asleep. But, a few weeks from now, you will naturally be tired at bedtime.

Result: My quality of life greatly increased. With enough rest, I had energy to handle so much more. My patience and tolerance grew substantially. Without any thought, I was able to keep still. I no longer dreaded remaining in the same position for 2 hour lectures or 6 to 8 hour work shifts.

Here’s an example of my previous thought process:

I will sleep after one more game of Left 4 Dead. [finishes game Maybe one more? Yeah, I can skip my morning routine to add in another game and still get 8 hours of sleep.

This type of sleep “schedule” was as consistent as picking a spot on the wall, closing your eyes, and landing a dart on that spot after being spun around before each attempt.

On the contrary, by having a set bedtime, I felt accountable to be ready for bed 30 minutes before sleeping. As a result of a consistent schedule, I had more time to function each day, because sleeping was no longer a guessing game. This improved my time management and allowed for me to accomplish more in a single day.

I chose to go the extra mile. I wake up at 4:30 AM everyday. The mornings are for getting ahead. Waking up early has given me more time to focus on developing myself. Because, after I go to work or school, I am drained of my energy. But, by being awake early in the morning, I am able to focus all my energy on building myself.

My mornings are for: going to the gym, writing posts like this, meal prepping, and reading.

This is the thought process that drives my sleeping habit:

Do not devote all your energy to building someone else’s dream. Devote your energy to building YOUR dream.

2. Outline Daily Goals

Problem: When I tried to be productive with my time, I always felt a burden of “how much is enough?”. I was unsure as to how many things I should do in one day or how much time I should devote to each task. This often left me lying in bed unable to sleep because I felt dissatisfied with my efforts.

Motivation: You can only do so much in one day. Without a definite plan, you will likely go through the day either aimlessly or not optimally productive.

Remember: Time is a precious resource. You only get 24 hours in a day. It is in your best interest to make the most of each moment.

Statistically speaking, you are more likely to meet a goal if you write it down. If you want to achieve something every day, you need to outline your day.

Result: At first, I started with college-ruled loose leaf paper. I bulleted tasks such as: gym: leg day, physics homework, 3 meals and 2 snacks(for mass gaining), meet dad for lunch, and so on. After completing a task, I felt an immense amount of satisfaction checking it off the list. Not only did this help me organize my efforts, but it gave me a measurable feeling of accomplishment. With completing a day’s worth of tasks, I would retire to bed without the anxiety of underachieving. Having escaped this anxiety, I felt I had more time to enjoy my life. Where I was previously rushing my workout to get home and do homework, I was now stopping to enjoy a conversation with friends at the gym because I knew I had the time.

As I grew more sophisticated in my outlining, I bought a Bullet Journal. This is a useful tool for determining if a task is worth your time. I use this more for advanced planning. That is: being overwhelmed with tasks and having to determine what is really worth my time. It helps you prioritize tasks. You should totally Google it!

Pro Tip: Outline your day the night before, so you can wake up with your goals for the day already in mind.

3. Eliminate Escapism

Problem: I spent more energy in video games than I did anything else. I would spend entire days playing video games. If I was not gaming, I was watching YouTube videos. The fact of the matter: I was wasting my time. My grades were not too awful; however, these distractions were not helping them. I had little motivation to do anything more than play video games. I actually viewed it as a purpose in life. While I will touch more on this in the motivation section, my video game friends viewed me as the leader of the group. As such, I felt an obligation to these friends. I saw it as a duty to be the best. This evolved into a cult of personality. My friends viewed me as an unstoppable, infallible force to be reckoned with. They wanted to be just like me, which inflated my ego.

The game I drained countless hours into was Left 4 Dead 2 from 2009.

When asking myself why I was so addicted to this game, I found four answers.

Simulation of Competition: My friends and I would queue up and play against other teams. We played to win. Though the game is almost 10 years old, we took the game VERY seriously. So much so, that we would be very nasty toward new players.

Simulation of Friends: The guys I played with had similar interests to me - something I could not find in real life. We were in similar life situations. The most important detail is: we had mutual music interests. Pink Floyd, Alice in Chains, Nirvana, Jimi Hendrix. We were more interested in depressing music(Pink Floyd).

Simulation of Skills: I was acclaimed to be one of the best players around. I had been playing this game since its release in 2009. I felt that I put so much time into the game, I should not squander my skills by quitting. On the contrary, I had few real world skills. This was one of few places I felt I offered value to someone

Simulation of Adventure: For many, it feels like everything has already been done. The world has been explored and there is not much for one to discover. A man was already to the moon. Just about any useful form of technology has already been invented(and you would need millions, if not billions, to compete in that market). And, there is no more originality in creativity

. Without much more thought, I decided to give up on real-world motivations. I had this interesting video game world that offered me new, exciting experiences for hours on end!

Motivation: Video games KILL your motivation! But, it is not video games alone that do this.

Social media, TV & movies, and drugs & alcohol can all have have the same effects if they are indulged in too often.

These are forms of escapism. They offer the user a substitute for experiences they are lacking in real life.

Here is how each form of escapism acts as a substitute:

Video Games: Video games offer the player adventure and excitement. The most popular of video games such as Fortnite are enjoyed by groups of friends who compete with other groups of friends. This simulates group-oriented conflict. I believe conflict to be especially important in the bonding of men. They suffer together. They grow together. I believe this is why video games are mostly played by men.

Social Media: Social media offers the user access to all the people they know at a click of a button. This works well for people who want to connect but are uncomfortable to meet in person. They can hide behind the image of their Facebook profile and have discrete conversations with friends. This makes it especially easy for those who are insecure to hide behind ambiguous text and lack of emotional expression in voice and body language which you would get with an in-person conversation.

TV & Movies: TV & Movies are driven through story. While these stories are often fiction, they are written to be emotionally relatable. They give the viewer an emotional experience. These are often emotions that the viewer is lacking in their own lives. For instance, in watching The Wolf of Wall Street, the viewer cannot help but feel the excitement in Jordan Belfort’s claim to wealth and power. This type of lifestyle is especially coveted by young men between the ages of 20 to 35 - the movie’s target audience. Surely, if the viewer were as wealthy and as powerful as Jordan, they would be spending their money on huge parties instead of watching that movie.

Drugs & Alcohol: Substance abuse usually stems from the inability to cope with certain emotions. For instance, alcohol, colloquially known as “liquid courage”, suppresses anxiety, giving the user courage(ignorance of anxiety) they previously did not have. While the user does not forget about their troubles, they no longer feel the negative emotions associated with them.

Result: It was difficult to believe video games were ruining my life. I experienced feelings similar to that of one with stockholm syndrome. I wanted to leave, but at the same time I enjoyed comfort in my virtual captor. Breaking free was painful, but worth it.

When I became aware of why I was addicted, I found my problem easier to fix. I attacked each contributing factor individually.

Competition: I learned to compete with myself(such as developing these 5 habits). This gave me the drive to win over myself. These were real-world victories that made real-world change in my life. There was no longer a virtual abstraction that made my efforts realistically pointless.

Friends: As I developed who I was and what I wanted in life, I naturally began to attract similar minded people with my words and actions. This has turned into a mastermind group of people guiding each other to greater success. It is important to note that there is NO leader. Before, my ego was in love with the idea of being the leader. Video games were so narrow in the skills required to compete, one could master them and be the elite. But, in the real world, there is so much to know and understand, you would be stupid to think you can master it all by yourself. You need high quality friends that not only offer experience and fun, but that also offer you an opportunity to grow.

Skills: Having established a group of friends whom I grow with, I began to specialize in skills that offered them greater value. I have friends who are knowledgeable on fitness, business, and finance. In turn, I found a liking for media and entertainment. I spent about a year consuming as much information as possible on how media is designed and how I can make my own. With this knowledge, I gave my friends insight on how they can market their businesses and themselves.

Adventure: I learned to enjoy the journey of life. I began to enjoy simple trips to the grocery store. A walk through a park. Or, a conversation with friends. Each day became a new adventure full of new people to meet and new things to learn.

4. Dedicate Time to Personal Growth

Problem: Once I eliminated escapist habits, I needed something to fill my time with. Video games were taking 6 to 8 hours of my time each day. This time needed to be repurposed. I wanted to be a better version of myself but I was not sure as to how. Where do I start?

Motivation: Your thoughts are where change begins. You must consistently feed your thoughts new perspectives in order to grow. New perspective is a seed that can be planted in your mind. It germinates in your thoughts and experiences, and blossoms into a greater understanding of yourself.

There are multiple sources of new perspective. Here are what I have found to be most useful:

Books / audiobooks

TED Talks

Podcasts

Conversations (especially with new people)

Result: I believe dedicating time to personal growth was the best thing I could do. I viewed each new idea as a tool to be added to a mental toolkit.

For instance, after learning about habits and how they work in the mind, I have become more aware of how I can maintain good habits.

Here is what I learned:

By giving into a bad habit, your mind releases dopamine which reinforces that action - further ingraining that behavior into the subconscious mind. This makes it more difficult to break the habit. But, by replacing a bad habit with a good one, your brain develops neurological systems that mute it and promote the good habit. While the good habit can grow to be stronger than the bad, it must be maintained through consistent action*, or else the mind will retrogress back to the bad.*

Knowledge such as this has made me more effective in maintaining the 5 habits spoken about in this post.

5. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Problem: This was my biggest problem in high school. Majority of my peers were on a school team. They were strong, fit, and healthy. I was the tall, skinny guy with acne. I felt my scrawny frame paled in comparison to the testosterone pumping physiques of the football players. This is where I began to hate my physical appearance. My voice was too high pitched. My legs were too skinny. And, . . .my hair was just . . . wtf I had no idea how to style it.

Needless to say, I had no self-confidence or self-esteem. The most I had going for me was academics, but even there I felt I was inferior.

I was the designated Math and Science nerd. I always carried my Calculus and Physics books with me and I enjoyed tutoring others during study halls. I genuinely helped others get As. It was an amazing feeling to help others achieve their own successes!

But, the sensation would not last for long because I felt I was failing in my own studies. This was due to competition with another classmate.

In my Calculus class, there was a guy who did not try at all and performed MUCH better than me. While I was at home studying hard for a test, he was goofing off, getting high with his cousin. He put barely any effort in and did better than me. This boiled my blood. But, I did not let it get the best of me. Instead, I started to study with him. Although he was goofing off, he still put an amount of effort in - though minimal as it was. I saw this as an opportunity to learn something new.

But, in the end, I got a B and he got an A. I was devastated. Of what esteem I had, it was destroyed. I would tell myself: “It’s not fair!”.

But, out of this misery, I learned a valuable lesson. I will tell you about it in the result section.

Motivation: You cannot compare yourself to others! Everyone has different experiences, culture, perceptions, perspectives, and so on! It is apples and oranges!

“Don’t compare your Chapter 1 to someone else’s Chapter 20”. You and I, we are in different places in life. There is no universal solution to everyone’s problems. You must look inward to find your solutions. Use this as an opportunity to challenge yourself! Evaluate your current situation and challenge yourself to be better.

It is important to note that there is a difference in learning from others and comparing yourself to them. When dealing with my academic problem, I decided to see what I could learn from the guy in my Calculus class. This proved to be fruitful in the long run.

When you are stuck, maybe you are missing part of the puzzle - something your mind is not aware of. Inspiration helps to solve this problem. Look at those who have succeeded in your area of struggle. Take the time to understand their thought processes and habits.

I guarantee you: your biggest struggle is in your mind.

Result: Before I knew it, my life was completely different.

Physically, I have become an avid gym goer. I do full body workouts 3 times a week. I have done the research and designed a meal plan that suits my hard-gainer body type. In the past ten months, I gained 20 lbs of muscle.

Academically, I have maintained a 4.0 in college. This is something I swore I would maintain without fail. I am in competition with my high school academics. Where I got a 3.98, 0.02 shy of a 4.0, I will get a perfect GPA in a more difficult curriculum.

Reflecting back on studying with the guy in my Calculus class, I learned to work smart not hard. He was able to condense my 8 hours of studying into about 30 minutes of effort by being smart. His biggest crutch was his connections. He was friends with people who took the class the year before. They gave him old tests, which he used to study. The tests had the same exact questions just different numbers! He had such an advantage!

This inspired me to be more social - which rings true to the idea of: “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know”. In college, I found friends who specialized each in particular subjects. For instance, if I needed help with a math problem, I would ask my friend who is a math major. I created a mastermind group for college subjects. This worked best because I understood I cannot be a jack of all trades - something I aspired to be when I compared myself to others.

Conclusion

Much of your misfortune may be linked to a subconscious habit. You could be driving yourself to failure without even knowing!

Your mind develops habits as a result of energy efficiency. A new experience overwhelms your mind with new sensory stimulations. But, as this experience becomes common place, your mind develops shortcuts, requiring less energy to perform the same operations.

This is where discipline comes in. In order to develop a new habit, you must discipline yourself to perform it. It is mentally difficult in the beginning. But, as you do it more and more, your mind adapts. You will be able to perform the same action with a fraction of the effort!

Discipline yourself today, so your mind will discipline you tomorrow.

##########

Dear reader,

As I mentioned in the beginning, these are the habits that were effective in my life. But, I am interested in learning more.

So, I ask you, do you have any habits you found to improve your life that were not mentioned above?

If so, please, leave a comment outlining the habit similarly to how I outlined mine with the Problem, Motivation, Resultapproach.

Best,

Ganamede

Submitted August 03, 2018 at 05:44PM by gandamede via reddit https://ift.tt/2KkpG5H

#IFTTT #reddit

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booksbroadwaybbc · 6 years

Text

How I Escaped My Mental Prison: 5 Habits That Changed My Life via /r/selfimprovement

How I Escaped My Mental Prison: 5 Habits That Changed My Life

"You will never change your life until you change something you do daily” ~ Mike Murdock

Think about this. You are the product of what you repeatedly do. Each small action is telling of who you are.

I know this is true because I experienced both the good and bad sides of habits.

Below you will find 5 habits that made great change in my life. The results I have gotten in adopting these habits would seem unachievable to my former self.

These 5 habits are:

Consistent Sleep Schedule

Outline Daily Goals

Eliminate Escapism

Dedicate Time to Personal Growth

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Each habit is outlined with a 3 step approach.

Problem: This is how I was living my life. A description of the troubles and pains I experienced without any structure and discipline in my life.

Motivation: This is a general outline of what the habit is and why you should adopt it.

Result: This is a testimonial of how my life changed as a result of adopting the habit.

1. Consistent Sleep Schedule

Here’s an example of my previous thought process:

I will sleep after one more game of Left 4 Dead. [finishes game Maybe one more? Yeah, I can skip my morning routine to add in another game and still get 8 hours of sleep.

This type of sleep “schedule” was as consistent as picking a spot on the wall, closing your eyes, and landing a dart on that spot after being spun around before each attempt.

My mornings are for: going to the gym, writing posts like this, meal prepping, and reading.

This is the thought process that drives my sleeping habit:

Do not devote all your energy to building someone else’s dream. Devote your energy to building YOUR dream.

2. Outline Daily Goals

Motivation: You can only do so much in one day. Without a definite plan, you will likely go through the day either aimlessly or not optimally productive.

Remember: Time is a precious resource. You only get 24 hours in a day. It is in your best interest to make the most of each moment.

Statistically speaking, you are more likely to meet a goal if you write it down. If you want to achieve something every day, you need to outline your day.

Pro Tip: Outline your day the night before, so you can wake up with your goals for the day already in mind.

3. Eliminate Escapism

The game I drained countless hours into was Left 4 Dead 2 from 2009.

When asking myself why I was so addicted to this game, I found four answers.

. Without much more thought, I decided to give up on real-world motivations. I had this interesting video game world that offered me new, exciting experiences for hours on end!

Motivation: Video games KILL your motivation! But, it is not video games alone that do this.

Social media, TV & movies, and drugs & alcohol can all have have the same effects if they are indulged in too often.

These are forms of escapism. They offer the user a substitute for experiences they are lacking in real life.

Here is how each form of escapism acts as a substitute:

When I became aware of why I was addicted, I found my problem easier to fix. I attacked each contributing factor individually.

4. Dedicate Time to Personal Growth

There are multiple sources of new perspective. Here are what I have found to be most useful:

Books / audiobooks

TED Talks

Podcasts

Conversations (especially with new people)

Result: I believe dedicating time to personal growth was the best thing I could do. I viewed each new idea as a tool to be added to a mental toolkit.

For instance, after learning about habits and how they work in the mind, I have become more aware of how I can maintain good habits.

Here is what I learned:

Knowledge such as this has made me more effective in maintaining the 5 habits spoken about in this post.

5. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Needless to say, I had no self-confidence or self-esteem. The most I had going for me was academics, but even there I felt I was inferior.

But, the sensation would not last for long because I felt I was failing in my own studies. This was due to competition with another classmate.

But, in the end, I got a B and he got an A. I was devastated. Of what esteem I had, it was destroyed. I would tell myself: “It’s not fair!”.

But, out of this misery, I learned a valuable lesson. I will tell you about it in the result section.

Motivation: You cannot compare yourself to others! Everyone has different experiences, culture, perceptions, perspectives, and so on! It is apples and oranges!

I guarantee you: your biggest struggle is in your mind.

Result: Before I knew it, my life was completely different.

Conclusion

Much of your misfortune may be linked to a subconscious habit. You could be driving yourself to failure without even knowing!

Discipline yourself today, so your mind will discipline you tomorrow.

##########

Dear reader,

As I mentioned in the beginning, these are the habits that were effective in my life. But, I am interested in learning more.

So, I ask you, do you have any habits you found to improve your life that were not mentioned above?

If so, please, leave a comment outlining the habit similarly to how I outlined mine with the Problem, Motivation, Resultapproach.

Best,

Ganamede

Submitted August 03, 2018 at 04:52PM by gandamede via reddit https://ift.tt/2LO7FlQ

#IFTTT #reddit

0 notes