#i shouldve died this last 6 months from drinking honestly

[coldcrypt]

just ate a bag of expired stir fry veg. It was smelling sweet even from outside the bag.. thats how you know its off . yummy. Hopefully I die

#at least its kinda filling and only 180 cal #hoping I dont decide to make a sausage and rice thing later #i hate being awake i wanna drink #I cant afford it #itll make me fatter and I'll just feel worse #the only thing I can do is take quetiapine to knock myself out but I always have at least 3k cal days after taking it #makes you gain 70 pounds over 9 months on average. after taking it for 2 weeks i was walking up and down main roads #on the suicide hotline tryna figure out where the nearest train track was (right next to me lmfao idiott) #3 pounds a week gain even with b/p everyday. Coulodnt control it #and the gp cant give me anythign else until the psychiatrist gets backj to me because everything makes me manic or #suicidal #but I think theyve forgotten about me because its been months #I've planned how to kms #I figured maybe aug25th but realistically it'll be between sep and new years. its just so shit bc i dont wanna ruin #christmas for family #I'll go back into daily binge drinking worse than before because it always gets worse #and die #i shouldve died this last 6 months from drinking honestly #ig I could smash a load of antihistamines. thatd knock me out and its lowcal #but they make you feel even worse when u wake up #why cant there just be a pill that makes everything normal #coldcrypt