#i started and i suckef horibly

[tittysuckersworld]

just went back through all my old art posts, and just, wow. i have inproved. like yeah, i still fumble and draw some stuff silly or bad. but its all mine. i made that. its less cringe at the bad art and more "wow i did that once." like i used to know where my very first sewing projects were, and whenever i looked at them i would laugh a little cause the stiches were inches long(like 3 cms) and the fabric was horible and the lil details i tryed to add looked like shit. plus the tiny pillows wernt even stuffed right, but it was mine. i made that. i took some fabric i liked from the fabric store and some extra stuff i had on hand and made it. i even worked really hard so no raw edges would be showing. they sucked and were some of the worst things ive ever made, but i made them. it was my start. now gotta gonna hopefully find all my old sketch books and find the drawings i was proud of to wonder at and redraw because gosh darn it i love art sooooo much. creation is just the best

#<3<3<3 #froggo gets got emotional again #what a suproze lieing #but im still just #wow. i did that at one point. #i started and i suckef horibly #but i got better #wish i could pick up sewing and knitting again as hobbies but judt dont have time or energy anymore #may find lil ball and my needles but honestly would probs just do more harm than good #i cant knit anything i need rn and my hands already ache enough from just writing and being put through so much #but still i wish i had the time and energy to just #create again. i miss it. i miss having to not worry about my studies and just focus on my crafts because thats what i was good at #i miss the nice jobs and smiles from being a talented art kid #even if it was in an art most wouldnt appreciate much #i miss when i had more origional ideas #or when i would draft up patterns and make lil clothes for my toys #i miss being able to talk to others #gosh sry dark stuff but i miss when i thought having to yell at teachers was my worst problems #i miss when i was ignorant of the pains of my childhood #i miss not having a dibilitating eating disorder. or sosial anxiety because when i talked i didnt think about if i was doing it wrong #i miss having friends i could talk to in real life the most i think tho #i love all friends online dont get me wrong #but for the past 2 years of highschool its just been sad #only one relationship that ended badly and one sorta friendship i couldnt handle becaude i didnt matter in it. #and thats it for my amazing high school stuffs. all my childhood heard that this is best part of my life. #but i keep hitting all time lows. took a fucking mental health day today and dont feel better. nothing will change. #every year i think it will get better finally and is just worse. im sorry this all too vent and sad #i know it dosent matter much. im fine. i dont even have any harsh expectations put on me. my dad dosent care when i move out and #im not expected to go to collage. much less finnish my high school diploma. i probably dont need to care about fully getting it together #til im like 40. but sont want that i guess. fuck i dont know. i miss when i was expected to go to collage