#i think a lot abt gwen at hq and how she never wants to take the mask off because when she does

[couldntsave]

gwen does have romantic feelings for miles! this seems really overt to me, but some folks read 'em differently ( which is cool, obvi ) so it feels worth mentioning, and i will write her as such! that shouldn't be read as me forcing the ship, especially since —

well, for starters, "in every universe, gwen stacy falls for spider - man. and...it never ends well." she acknowledges her own feelings but is afraid to act on them in a meaningful way because she knows there's a nonzero chance that doing so means she dies. she's not sure how it would work out, since she's obviously a very different gwen than the gwen stacy any number of the peters back at hq knew — she tells herself she's very different, even when they stare at her too long, too sad — but just the chance itself is frightening.

she is passively suicidal, even if she's not consciously aware of it — she doesn't care that much if she dies, though she's not going to actively act on it in any conscious way. that being said, she wouldn't risk putting miles — or any other spiderperson she might fall for — through the pain of losing her. of killing her.

( also? it's really, really bad, mentally, to know that in most other universes you die to traumatize the boy you love. that the boy you love kills you trying to save you. it's an existential kind of misery, to know that in most universes you're just a sacrificial lamb for him, and to still prefer that to the universe where he's the sacrificial lamb for you. )

but even beyond all that — she'd be really hesitant to commit to a romance, even if she didn't have to worry that doing so might kill her. ( which — given that she's learning flexible the canon is, she'll get there. ) because gwen doesn't like herself! she doesn't think she's capable or strong! she doesn't even particularly think she's good! she says it to her dad — she can't do good! she doesn't know how! she doesn't know how to do anything!

she killed her best friend ( who she also had feelings for ), hurt miles in their first adventure, can't make or keep any friends, is pushing her dad away, her dad who's a cop before he's her dad, her dad who loves her but can't do shit to show it —— who's hunting her. she stands back and listens and doesn't fight when miguel says her dad has to die, accepts that like she's the murderer he thinks she is. and now she's hurting miles and fucking it all up even more!

miles is a better spider - man than she is. and he's a better person, too. he deserves a hell of a lot better than gwen stacy.

most people do.

#headcanon. #suicide ment / #i think a lot abt gwen at hq and how she never wants to take the mask off because when she does #the peters just look at her so sad and it feels so so so bad #that for a lot of the ppl here shes still not whole and herself shes just an echo of the girl they killed #u think peter b lost a gwen