#i think hyperfixing on idv for so long really just killed me now if i don't have smth i flop over like a silly fish and stop functioning

[soulemissary]

i need...something to hyperfix on

#wandertext ♡ #it's looking like xenoblade chronicles. i have it but only played thru a few hrs #and tonight blasted thru like 5 hrs of it #i was hoping id hyperfix on enstars but ive already played thru all of the main story thats available #and i dont get into rhythm games enough to play it outside of that really #hollow knight worked for a bit...i really want to finish it but i simply. have not been able to. #my gf's been playing crk again and i also cannot get into that. weird bc i hyperfixed on it for like a month last yr #rummaging thru both my brain and my stuff to try and find a suitable option in case xenoblade doesnt work #i think hyperfixing on idv for so long really just killed me now if i don't have smth i flop over like a silly fish and stop functioning #cannot believe i played that godawful game for a year and a half and then also latched onto like 6 of the characters from it #given the opportunity i'd go back to pc league but the internet's so shit. i'm not even sure it'll work well enough for work if we fix it #im kind of just Hoping it will. lmfao. #it's also 1:30 and i am not asleep which is not a good sign for tomorrow. but whatever i don't have anything i need to get done #going to double check pocket camp one more time then try and put myself to bed #bc i have been nauseous for like. 3 hours. and i am sick of it #i talk like i'm giving a presentation don't i. or like a business meeting. i wish to study myself and invite everyone else to do the same

[actual-oracle]

OKAY SO HERE WE GO, buckle up this is a long story. It was Halloween night and me, my friend, and her brother were chilling after getting a bunch of candy.

We had talked about possibly drinking, but nothing was concrete. We get back to her house and a few hours later after her brother leaves I have one beer. At this point in time I did not know she had an alcohol problem, and she didn't even drink while I was there. I have one beer and get very tipsy, we go to sleep, I leave. Nobody ever knows, right? Wrong.

Turns out, my friend develops a drinking problems and one fateful night a month later drinks all of her mother's Rosé. Her mom finds out and texts my friend asking if she took it and if we had a "party" over the weekend (we didn't actually, three of us hung out but none of us had drunk any alcohol). Her mother tells my friend she's locking up the liquor cabinet and telling my friends therapist, pretty standard stuff right.

WELL THEN her rat of a brother tell their mom that I had a beer (not sure about what he told her specifically), and in all my wisdom my first thought was "I have to tell my mom before they can." So basically I texted my mom telling her I had one beer on Halloween, that it was completely my choice and my friend was really nervous about pressuring me, that I haven't had another one since, and that it tasted gross and I wouldn't recommend it. All of these statements are true.

What I expected was for her to yell at me and ground me for a few weeks. I kind of got that, she just asked if I told my dad and that we would talk about it tomorrow. What I was not expecting was for her to ask if said friend could spend the night, if she wasn't grounded. What. The. Fuck.

I can't tell if this is like- a weird twisted trap or something. I am so confused, my anxiety was so bad I was vibrating and then I just... got that??? I'm going to go to bed now, I'm absolutely exhausted.

My new favorite friend is K because he is so unproblematic and nice, plus he doesn't tell people to kill themselves! I thought our Discord server would be nice but people keep getting Into shit with each other. My alcoholic friend is fixating on this dude right now and he's an absolute ass but I love her so I've tried not to be too mean. I know he's bisexual and it's kind of my fault because I was spamming him with 🥵 but he called me a faggot (I mean I am one) and it made me kind of uncomfortable at first until I realized what a fucking ass hole he is then I laughed. The only reason I tolerate him is because she told me he's the only one who hasn't tried to take advantage of her hyperfixating on him so....

For as much as I hate the asshole I love his best friend 100x. He's my catboy and emotional support himbo, plus his mom has the cutest accent ever. His mom is so nice she told us about how back in the 90s kids at her school would make xs with pins/paint to show they were against drugs 😭😭 I love her.

Back to the asshole, he kept spamming faggot in chat and making sexual jokes which made me very uncomfortable and I had to go play IDV. Buckle up for another long-ish story but basically my alcoholic friend was drunk and was trying to ask me where the bathroom was (I wasn't there, and it's the only time I haven't been, I've taken to staying up late until she falls alseep) and another one of our "friend" Told her it was on the roof. AF (alcoholic friend) has a window in her bedroom that leads to the roof, which is at a very steep angle that you could easily fall from. AF took this seriously and said she was going to climb out the window and kill herself. Asshole thought that the "friend" Was telling AF to kill herself, so he told "friend" To kill themselves. This resulted in a huge fight that I ended up having to deal with in the morning. AF was very stressed and BF + "friend" (British friend) kept yelling/cussing at them. AF got very stressed and I got very concerned so I stepped in and said I would be taking AF's place for this discussion. BF made a comment about AF turning tail and hiding, and that we're all stressed so it doesn't mean you can't handle this. This made me very pissed because they have no fucking clue what AF is going through, and have no right to say what she can't and can't handle. Anyways everyone ended up ignoring me like usual and the issue was kind of resolved.

The only reason I wasn't crying and screaming was because my dad was right next to me, but I was shaking a lot and I felt like my heart was about to jump out of my chest. Anyways "friend" Left, asshole got some warnings and a slap on the wrist (I personally would have banned him but I'm not the owner, and the owner gets panic attacks when he's angry at them), and I cried.

Not to like- over share (as if I haven't done that already lol) but now that I think of it I've been fixated on AF for over 7 years- they're the only person I've ever immediately clicked with and they're the only person I ever feel fully my self with. We were seperate for three of those years and those were spent reminiscing on the time spent with AF. Fuck I even have a crush on her, which can never come to fruition. We wouldn't work well together at all, not until we've each dealt with our own issues. Even then I think they'll only ever see me as a friend. Most nights I spend with her on a car while drunk she's always crying about asshole and telling me to get him and that she wants him and... It hurts, like- a lot. I would say it's just my jealousy issues that make me not like asshole but nobody else likes him so it's not just me.

If I'm completely honest I don't trust him at all. He told her that he's in love with her, but she's a lesbian so he doesn't know how to feel. He saw her nudes (on accident) and her cuts. I just- I hate him so fucking much. I don't trust him one bit. Luckily I know an approximation of where he lives because I have his bestfriends address (the one I like, it's really creepy but I saw his address once and had it memorized. I still get the numbers for mine mixed up lol) and I know they live near each other. If he ever tries anything I'm going down there and ripping him a new asshole <3

Speaking of catboy (best friend I like) him and asshole might be flying down to visit in December! I'm honestly super excited to see catboy because he's going to let us do his makeup!!! Plus we'll have matching cat ears!!! Also I know that both of them are real people lol, I've met catboys mom and I've talked with him on facecall so many times. But anyways I was thinking we could maybe walk around our city and hang out :)

Anyways this was super long so sorry about that lol, I'm glad to end on a positive note!