#i threw away everything pursuing hrt for them to tell me i’ve gotten too scary from it and to try again at 30

[ankerias]

at a sort of “going to scream at the next medical professional who i have to unravel myself to except i physically can’t anymore so i won’t” point

#don’t know a single lgbt person in town and the one i’m failing to move into just as bad #i’m not even talking about lovers or friends anymore i wish i had an acquaintance who i could nod with or something #i’ve been voicetraining for months now and it does nothing my voice as deep as it can get and i can’t control it very much anyway #day-to-day-to-day depersonalization level dysphoria that i can’t even dent anymore #six fucking years best shot at just getting evaluated for testosterone #no guarantee i can get on it mind you & that’s if everything goes right and nothing is #i feel like i’m going to combust from the inside #& after 8 years already in #& i’ve had no room for a life in the meantime. i don’t have anything going on besides that #i threw away everything pursuing hrt for them to tell me i’ve gotten too scary from it and to try again at 30