#i want to throw them in a blender and then study their goop under a microscope

[justablah56]

you guys can all blame my dear mutuals @babacontainsmultitudes and @serikyl for me talking abt glark again , I'm sure it will happen again <3

ahh ok , so to start by saying those are the two most fucked up guys I've ever seen , so bad for each other , awful , horrid , and so so interesting and devastating to think abt . one thing I bring up a just abt every time I talk about them is I think theyre both only willing to accept "help" from each other . like . both of them just want to feel guilty about what they've done and they don't *want* forgiveness , they want someone who will listen to all their bullshit say yeah you're pretty fucked up , wanna make out ? grant tells lark about the thrill he feels when killing someone or something and that he doesn't *really* want to stop . lark tells grant about how he ended the world and that he's the reason all this fucked up shit is happening . they don't talk about it . they're each other's rant journals . they don't have to write anything down and hope no one finds it , theyre not each other's therapist who will try to help them work it out , they'll just take in all their hatred and lay it out so the other can see . they expose the darkest sides of themselves to each other because they know the other hates themselves just as much as they do . they know that neither of them think they *deserve* to feel better , but at least they can be fucked up together . they're each other's safe place , in a way . they both see enough of themselves in each other that they can hate each other a bit , but also still see enough of the other to care . they both know this . one of em says well I'm fucked up and the other says yeah then what does that make me and they don't respond and fall asleep next to each other on a couch . they help each other in the sense that they feel safe knowing that the other won't try to help . because at least they're telling *someone* . at least there's *someone* who will agree and say wow you're fucked up and that can be the end of the conversation . they hurt each other and take out at least some of the anger they have towards themselves and hurl it at the other . and they take it . they both know what they're doing . they know they don't *really* mean all the hate they say to each other . but it's enough that maybe then they can justify hating themselves . or maybe , just maybe , it's enough that they can't . maybe they'll hear the words coming out of their mouths and realize huh that doesn't really make much sense . but they don't . they'll continue to hate each other out of love , but the moment they realize that's what it is it'll stop . so they just won't think about what they have . they'll just remain each other's journals and keep each other's secrets about the pain they wish they had and if anything resembling actual care or softness or gentleness they're quick to stop it before they begin to *need* it . because if someone who knows every fucked up thing about them and decided to stay out of *love* they'd have to accept that maybe they're still able to be saved . but they don't want that .

#just blahs #literally im absolutely insane about these two #apologies if none of this makes sense #and also apologies if it does lmao #theyre *so* fucked up y'all #i want to throw them in a blender and then study their goop under a microscope #putting them in my mouth and shaking them violently like a dog with her favorite chew toy #dndads #glark #grant wilson #grant li wilson #lark oak garcia