#i'm just angry all the goddamn time about being a brick wall for others' rage and sadness and issues when i'm a fucking book person who also

[solarisposting]

guess who's back in their compassion fatigue for library patrons era!!!

#HELLO IT'S ME SIGMUND FRAUD! #i've had one other Episode like this since being in libraries and it's so exhausting #and it makes me hate myself! i suddenly can't DEAL when interacting w/people who have mental illnesses that manifest in this that or the #or the other way. i stop caring about patrons' sob stories or hard days or legitimate crises or whatever else #i'm just angry all the goddamn time about being a brick wall for others' rage and sadness and issues when i'm a fucking book person who also #who also helps with technology. i cant handle my own fucking mental illnesses on any given day sometimes and absorbing others' hardships #when i'm not trained not equipped not PAID ENOUGH and having my own spirals and episodes...it is SO MUVH #i feel evil and heartless when i suddenly stop caring and am actively angry at patrons #this isn't even a carer type of work that i do! #and yet compassion fatigue in librarians is apparently super common. we're like retail workers minus patrons spending money at our #at our establishments. people are extra mean because of the tax dollars shit and the whole 'fulfilling gaps in social services' shit #losing my compassion for others a second time os fucking terrible. i don't want to he so angry and hateful. i don't wamt to be so checked #so checked out of others' suffering if the others are in front of me. it feels gross #and as ashamed as i am to say it? it weighs on me and makes me feel WORSE and so SELFISH #ann with an ie #and i am still tuned into global issues and care and am horrified #but things and people in front of me just...cease to register