#i'm just automatically more comfy w you n physically affectionate.

[noxtivagus]

good morning i am just very slightly worried about prom <3

#🌙.rambles #no classes today 🥺 gna do my hw for next week tho n then. yes. #I'M WORRIED THOUGH YEAH BCS. hfdsksdjf most of the other ppl r friends or r in the same class #kinda worried i might not enjoy as much bcs. who knows if i'll be able to talk properly or if i might just get nervous instead #n maybe at one point i cld go to one of my other friends too but she's going w a guy n i don't want to intrude ig #n she has her other friends too. my friend at our table yeah has other friends too #i'm worried i might just. not enjoy at all bcs of anxiety or maybe i'll just feel lonely or smth hdkfajsdlf nothing i can do abt that thoug #maybe when i'm anxious i'll just cope by dissociating n just thinking of noctis or claude or smth 😭😭 or artem n write a story in my head #n i'll go out of my comfort zone n use up all my social energy #recently they just announced in our batch gc that we can have yk same couples. wasn't in the ltp or smth tho 🥹 #wish i had at least another friend or smth. so maybe it wld've been possible to bring one of my friends from another school ^^ #platonically bcs she's like. bi. 🫣 i'm still rather amused at how she. mentioned she was bi when like #i had my arm around her shoulder n she said smth along the lines that it was kinda weird for her bcs she wasn't used to it?? IDK 😭😭 #didn't quite catch the rest of her words but sorry girl i'm just naturally affectionate w my friends #n idk why but if you're like. biologically female or actually even just like. yk your gender is female n you identify along those lines #i'm just automatically more comfy w you n physically affectionate. #nyways she told me she doesn't have prom tho when we were talking abt sch we were like talking abt school events n :<< #hmm. yk it's not like i need. someone for prom like. yk i just need myself. but i guess it's a bit of a childish old wish of mine #that said though i'm fine just still rather worried bcs in social situations i just. end up feeling rlly lonely haha #like i was doing well i rmb friday of the fair but then i was bottling my emotions n pretending i was completely okay 👍 #definitely wasn't crying when everyone was away <3 n then my anxiety just. god i don't want to think about it #until the end i was just. hanging on to a piece of thread. sorry you saw me cry a bit. sorry i lied that i was fine #sorry i let myself. go through that. twin n friend laying their heads on my shoulder as they were falling asleep n i was just. crying #n then later that night i just ended up crying even more. painful memories. #just have to accept that my social energy's just shit n ppl will always have another that they'd prefer talking with. #i have. apollo at least yh? n i guess to each person i mean at least. something. i think #sorry i'm not usually like this but it's just. smth i just can't help but be anxious about. one of my biggest insecurities #i'm so used to being alone though i've realized. last year wasn't real goddamn. n. 2020 was.. i don't know #ah i'll be productive now. i. move forward from the past n i never forget in a way that it. helps spur me onwards but #sometimes the past haunts me. sometimes is.. perhaps a big understatement bcs i think too much but. uh. yh that's enough i'm fine.