#i'm just having a weird moment and i had to whine about my unintentional injuries and shit

[a-s-levynn]

random confession time, i need a mental hygene moment

when i say i’m tired ‘cause i had a bad night i don’t mean i had a hard time falling asleep, it neither means me having bad dreams or just randomly waking up in the middle of the night. that’s my usual sleeping experience. i refer to nights like yesterday, waking up with a dislocated finger.

#DISCLAIMER: MENTION AND BRIEF DISCUSSION OF SELFHARM (intentional and unintentional) BOTH IN POST AND TAGS #MOSTLY IN TAGS #FEEL FREE TO SKIP #............................................................................................................................................ #____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ #all my life people called me a liar behind my back for stuff like this and it desensitizes you so fucking much towards your own shit #and like.. there is this dissonance in your head cause there is this injury you didn't had going to sleep but it's there when you wake up #but everyone dismisses it as you playing for attention.. bitch i hate my existance being acknowledged in general #i certainly do not need people fawning over me for a supposedly fake injury #i mean yeah i'm not saying i'm not prone to self harm cause that would be a lie but i'm far from being suicidal #but doing it on purpose for a reason and literally being unable to do anything about it while sleeping is a vastly different state of mind #it stops being a choice at that point because there is no choice while you are not conscious #i don't even remember how many times i had to make up some random story about an injury because the 'i dunno i was sleeping' #isn't really an explanation people want to hear #it implies too heavily that 'you have some issues' for it makes peeps around you uncomfortable #especially not talking about stuff like stabbing myself in the leg or scratching my skin off until i bleed or skipping painkillers and shit #okay me skipping painkillers is a twofold thing because i don't only need the pain from my leg at times to focus but i'm prone to addictions #i like me some free pain sue me #whatever not important #i'm just having a weird moment and i had to whine about my unintentional injuries and shit #i also drank 4 cans of energy drink after a bit over two weeks of not having one and i have way to much energy #which is good because i felt like shit since the winter holidays so this is a better state of existing in general #but i dunno i'm buzzing and i had to get this out #there isn't really any point to it i just had to #levynn cries about nonsense #levynn tries to think