#i've never liked the labels hispanic or latino because of the colonial aspect of it. but then there's the dilemma i talked about earlier

[woodnrust]

*rocking in the corner of the room* i am comfortable in my identity people respect my identity i am wanted i fit in with others who share my identity i am not an outcast nor am i an anomaly

#jelly.txt #i'm doing BAD. i hate being mixed so much man #this wouldn't be nearly as bad if parents would've actually raised me but here we are!!!! i hate this this sucks i want to be adopted but #i hate the adoption terms. you take one look at me and you automatically know i'm hispanic but there's nobody else like me in this family #everybody in this family is white!! and at family gatherings before they have made it abundantly clear they don't want me there!! #but i have nowhere else to go!! i have no family who will ever understand me!! and this family said they'll only adopt me #IF i change my last name to theirs. and i said no so they're being stubborn and said they won't adopt me until i agree #and it's stressing me out because i don't wanna give up my last name. these are the last ties i have to my heritage #and they told me that's exactly why they want me to change my last name cause they want me to not have ties to my heritage #not only that but i also found out the reason why my records are so wonky and have different race/ethnicities on each file #for me is because my mom was ashamed of it and so she purposefully put in the wrong information for me at first #so now that's got me thinking about. if i had to fill out a forum for myself what would i put #because technically i'm mixed but i've been shunned from the white ppl of my family and i feel pride in being salvadoran #but at the same time when it comes to my identity as being salvadoran it's just me myself and i. #my family didn't even want to throw me a quince. because i'm the only hispanic person in the family so they saw no point #i just feel like theres so so many cultural experiences i've missed out on cause i'm all alone here. to the point where it's like #do i even have the right to identify as salvadoran? when documents ask for my race who will i be betraying with my answer. #because. i feel like the identity that fits me most on an entirely racial level would be indigenous salvadoran. it feels good to me #i've never liked the labels hispanic or latino because of the colonial aspect of it. but then there's the dilemma i talked about earlier #about not really fitting in anywhere. cause it's like. if i identify as this i'll be totally dismissing my white family members #but at the same time there's been very few of them that have showed me kindness. and none who haven't been insensitive to my heritage #so should i really feel bad about that? but at the same time... would other people agree with me? would other ppl be fine with me #identifying as indigenous salvadoran even though i've been abandoned by my family so never learned the culture authentically...? #sorry. this is long and i'm repeating myself but i'm just. so tired. so so tired. of everything.