#idk this is all very cringe and whimsical but luckily for me and unluckily for you this is also thee cringe whimsical website

[hella1975]

im being sentimental again but i think one of the most beautiful things to live for are those moments that explicitely and suddenly show you that you have healed and grown from something. like the day i first cried in front of a friend without feeling entirely nauseas about it and i had the really sudden and random thought that my twelve year old self would be horrified and digusted by my current self. and i had no idea when that happened, at what point i stopped being twelve and scared and started instead just letting myself feel things. it's proof i finally learnt to let people in even if i have no recollection of opening the door. and as a child reading books, i thought romantic love was the best thing that could ever happen to a person, and as a teenager with failing friendships, that dream of being saved by The Love of My Life kept me afloat. but last night i went on a date and yeah it went well, but also when i came home my two flatmates were waiting giggling in my bed like children and we all squeezed in so they could find out every silly detail, and i thought that love was just as beautiful as anything id conjured in my head. like just having those moments in life where you realise you are so different to how you once were, in ways that would both enthrall and horrify your younger self. having proof that you have grown. you have healed. you are making a life that's beautiful

#like coming home i was so excited bc i was like 'this is it. im finally letting myself delve into romantic attraction' #which in and of itself like the crying thing is just something 12-17 year old me would be TERRIFIED of bc the vulnerability of it #so that in itself should have been its own moment of the night for me to go #'look. i am so explicitely not the girl i was to the point it's showing in my ACTIONS. i have PROOF' #but then i came home and my flatmates were literally just waiting for me like kids waiting to go downstairs at xmas #and as someone who always struggled maintaining friendships at school and never truly let myself love or be loved platonically #it was such a viceral moment of 'shit. i really fucking love my friends' #and ive quite honestly never had that before this year #like yes the date and the romantic angle is exciting. but i dont need it to save me like i used to #idk this is all very cringe and whimsical but luckily for me and unluckily for you this is also thee cringe whimsical website