#idk what the fuck's going on but let me just say I unironically love Olaf and I realized I don't have a plushie of him

[groundramon]

I just got back from watching the live action Beauty and the Beast and because I dont even like Beauty and the Beast (like, I dont like the animated one) all I did was analyze it throughout the whole thing, so I’m going to write down some of the thoughts I had while watching it (minor spoilers for the movie...I guess)

- The first few minutes feel like they’re on fast.  Like, jesus, slow down.  And why do you need a narrator if you’re not telling it through a storybook like in the original.  Can’t you just let the scene speak for itself

- Le Feu is not gay.  Or at least, he isn’t anymore gay than in the original.  I dont give a shit what disney’s press said; he’s not gay by any means in the movie.

- He’s still the best human character in the movie

- The best character is either the random-ass owl or Gaston’s horse, who kicks up mud onto a bunch of preppy girls

- I’m 99.9% sure I went into a food coma about a third into the movie because I shoved my face with too much popcorn.  Do not give me infinite refills on popcorn; its a power that is far too great for my mortal hands

- I’m still stuffed as fuck and it’s been over two hours (the movie is long and driving takes time) also I feel like I might fall asleep

- I dont understand why black people are treated as equals in this fantasy version of France but women are looked down upon for reading.  Like...can you commit to either the utopia or the harsh realities?  Black people didn’t achieve equal rights until after women.  It’s not that big of a deal, and it’s hypocritical of me to point this out because I know better than anyone that you can have certain forms of bigotry in your fantasy world and not others, but...this /is/ supposed to take place in France, and it seems weird that they said “nah fuck that” to one social issue and said “yes lets keep that” to another

- The bigger problem is how FUCKING OBNOXIOUS feminism plots are.  We fucking get it, women should be allowed to read.  You’re not converting any sexists with your message.  It’s 2017; anyone who is willing to accept the motto and is watching Beauty and the Beast has already accepted it.  I also dont know how many sexists would be watching Beauty and the Beast, given that it stars a female protagonist

- Speaking of Belle, I hate her.  Actually, no, I dont.  I just...dont like her.  In every aspect.  No amount of saying “oh but she’s a good character with actual emotions and interests and she’s a bookworm and a nerd so you should like her!! uvu” will ever change that.  Fuck all the white princesses, they’re dumb.  That’s not a sentence I should be able to say unironically, but it is.  Like, sans Ana, I literally dont like any of them.  But I like Jasmine and Mulan, and I remember liking Tiana and Pocahontas but I...remember nothing about either of those movies, so idk if I should say that or not (and I dont remember much about Aladin either, but anyways-)

- I dont care for Beast either, but I liked him IMMENSELY more after he made that joke about Romeo and Juliet.  Thank you, movie, for validating my hate for that play.  Even if it was said by the cranky man whose “cold, aromantic heart was turned by the love of the right woman!!! uvu” because yknow, clearly those kinds of plots would be appealing to me

- That scene gives me another reason to hate Belle though

- The problems with the two leads arent exclusive to the new movie obviously, I just....dont like Beauty and the Beast, man.

- Did I mention how much I fucking hate “oh the aromantic cold-hearted individual was turned kind by love!!! uvu” plots, and that’s essentially what this is.  I wouldn’t even have picked up on it if it werent for a few comments made by the side characters, but that’s basically what this is.  This is why I hate Beauty and the Beast.  I see clearly now...  But yeah please stop giving people reasons to suspect that I’m going to “grow out of my anti-romance phase”

- As for the actual movie I saw today, it was...fine?? I didnt initially want to see it, but my mom wanted to see it and my friend wanted to see it so I was like “welp ill go so its less awkward”

- Some of the visuals were really nice, but the chase scenes were shit.  Disney cant animate CGI wolves and I dont know why.  Also they were slow-paced because you cant rush a real live horse like you can a human actor.  They did their best, but it wasnt good enough

- Candle man is going to haunt my nightmares, I hate how he moves.  It was more tolerable in the actual movie than in the commercials, but ehhhhh, he still falls into the uncanny valley for me.  I dont care that there was a reason for it in the movie, he looked far, far better in the animated version

- Then again, I’m an animation fan, so everything looks better to me when animated

- If you want to see a live action Beauty and the Beast movie, this will 100% give you exactly what you want.  Its literally just the animated movie but live action.  If that’s what you want, then you wont be disappointed.

- Did I mention that Le Feu isn’t gay

- Le Feu is also played by the guy who voiced Olaf.  I recognized his voice and im v proud of that

- But he’s still not gay

- There was an ass joke in the live action Beauty and the Beast movie

- There was a urine joke in the live action Beauty and the Beast movie

- There was a transgender joke in the live action Beauty and the Beast movie.  At least, I think that’s what that was

- I have no idea what “no one bites like Gaston means” but I’m counting it as an innuendo joke, and if it is an innuendo then it implies Le Feu had sex/a makeout session with Gaston, and if that’s true then Le Feu being gay shouldn’t matter because fucking Gaston is gay???

- If Le Feu is canonically gay, like outside of the actual movie, then he’s very clearly closeted orrrr bisexual because he made a gay joke (not like “haha I’m gay!” but “oh we shouldnt do this because we’re not gay” without any hint of irony) and later on they ask him why he hasn’t been picked up by a girl, and he’s like “eh I’ve been told im clingy” which...I guess he is with Gaston?  But??  I’d think your first reaction, if you were out, would be “I’m not into girls” (I know my first reaction to someone suggesting that I’ll find a husband is “no, I’m not into romance” but obviously I cant speak for gay people)

- I’m sorry I’m just upset

- The movie theater was really empty.  I thought the four of us (my mom, my friend, my friend’s mom, and me) would be the only people in there for a while, but like five people came in later.  Still, there were only five other people.  There was a group of three and a group of two.  There might have been another group of two, but I’m not sure.

- Like I said, if you’re going to the movie because you want to see a live action Beauty and the Beast movie, you’ll get exactly what you want.  Its just the animated movie but live action

#stormy speaks #disney #okay im tired now //shot