#if i cant outrun his memory ill blow it clean off my shoulders

[latestagebirdmask]

I keep thinking he's in my house

#my ways of making do are failing one by one #i sincerely may have let an unintelligent mamas boy rewrite the insides of my head #im not able to do it indefinitely #i will not see a dr. #nothing can fix this #and ive got to go work a shift like its normal #like his mother isnt paying for his easy sailing life and wont be indefinitely #hes never wanted #he was living in a car for fun i didnt have a choice #and i let him get close enough to impact me like this #im trying not to look at it in a darwinism way but if i can be ruined by somebody that weak and stupid what does it say about me? #if i cant outrun his memory ill blow it clean off my shoulders #hes not in my fucking house #i just know he has a key #and ill probably have the nightmare for the rest of my life #there are words i could absolutely apply to this that would make it important to a bystander or care team #but i lose so much when i admit who i let get me to this point #how did i let myself get here?