#if you hurt me seriously then i'll think about it pervasively until you do something to redeem yourself in my mind.

[hzrnvm]

emotional. happy, pissed off, all that.

#hzrn #im cool with being annoying hypothetically but the real kicker is that no form of communication exists that i can really use comfortably #every single form of communication out there. i can't use it. i can't fuckin talk bc the sounds are too hard. #i can't fuckin type bc the buttons are too hard. #i can't fucking body and hands bc motions are too hard. #i can't fucking art because art involves all those things. #damn fucking WORDS are too hard. i put so much work into them and i get nothing. nothing! #who made the world this way?! why is it that all communication and socialization is so. fucking. hard!!!! #i tried! i really really fuckin tried man! all last year i tried so so hard. #i fell FLAT on my face. NO ONE liked me. they called me a retard! they said i was scary‚ awkward‚ hard to be around! #they did coordinated social attacks on me! then when i come back to school this year and i even *think* about trying again‚ they say #'nobody wants him here. and he should stop caring' #well right about then‚ is where she gives up! she has closed her eyes‚ she has given up hope! #i gave up trying to exist socially at school. the two paths are being myself and getting bullied‚ or not being myself and getting nothing #today was a good day for me all in all but idk. #the only reason i dont hold grudges like crazy is because of my object impermanence shit #although this might as well count as a grudge. i think it's somewhat justified though‚ because in my case it's more like #if you hurt me seriously then i'll think about it pervasively until you do something to redeem yourself in my mind. #probably that's part of the reason im so scared of being myself and shit #this is probably the reason why im so scared of being myself. bc everytime i tried i got bullied‚ mocked‚ demeaned. and that shit piles up. #i just spend mosta my time not thinking about it! just like i spend mosta my time not thinking about who i am‚ my future‚ my past and on! #siiiigh. sigh sigh siiiiiiiiigh #it's ok to like this post by the way #in fact it's encouraged. im directly and clearly asking you to. #im not making this post for nothing. im making it in the hopes that someone will read what i said. #although really no one will. why the hell would anyone fucking read this. get fuckin real. #i know for certain i'll wake up tmrw with this at at maximum like. 1 like. 2 if im really the luckiest girl in the world. #and i know how i sound caring about likes and shit. but really all it tells me is someone read this. and i really fuckin need someone to re