#im getting angery about things from almost two years ago again haha oops

[spade-club]

Was it really leading you on if I also let you down? Or do you really just hate the idea of me being happy without you? /not at you

#im getting angery about things from almost two years ago again haha oops #but honestly. you cant just fucking traumatize me and expect me not to be pissed??? #just tell me I'm a monster and you hate everything I am. #like. do you know how hard it is to be going through someone sexualizing you constantly no matter how much you ask them to stop #and have your best fucking friend yelling at you because you're such a monster who's going to ruin this poor boy #and have her tell you she tied her self worth to your capacity to like men?? #like. cool. okay. fuck you I guess. #its so bullshit #like. I'll admit I didnt treat her great. i let her believe she had a chance with dating me #when ultimately that was probably never going to happen again #but also like. I just like having close friends I flirt with. thats how I do relationships. and I made that clear. #and I even toned it down and we talked about it all the time #so maybe actually I didnt??? idk #point is its still fucked up that she would honestly tell me how much I suck as a hostile way of attacking me for not dating her #and THEN a few months later managed to get mad at me again for.... being triggered by something she said #so anyway uh. when you have someone in your life and you know how mean they can be #dont tell yourself its okay because they arent hostile to you. they could just as easily be hurting you the moment their rose glasses fall #if you dont want to be on their bad side. do you really want to be on their good side? #sad posting #<- not really but its personal and I'm scatterbrain thinking #soz if it doesnt make a lot of sense I'm. strugglebus #I might try to explain better later because those moments have really lodged their way in my brain and it sucks