#im haunted by that damn quote that goes 'i think that you're the one who saved yourself that time no one else did' because its true

[darubyprincx]

i know being a human being takes recharge time but im so out of practice with being gentle to myself!!!!! i want to live and move and laugh so loud and live up to my name and remind people of the sun!!!!!!!!! i want so desperately to be filled with color and light and love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but instead when i get home i have to crash in bed and im too tired to do the things i love and im still grumpy and i keep forgetting to be nice to myself and its just so hard. i want to be poetry. i want to reduce my entire life to one of those sunswept june evenings where the wind smells like your soul and stay there forever. but its so much harder to romanticize the tired sighs and the ink stained fingers and the messy room and the head down headphones on isnt it? theres beauty in the mundane somewhere but my vision is stuck in an exhausted blurry greyscale

#ray's tag #bwuh. #what one day back at school does to a motherfucker ^ #im haunted by that damn quote that goes 'i think that you're the one who saved yourself that time no one else did' because its true #the brain shuts me off from consciousness because i'm just too tired and someone else comes in to keep going without complaint. #and when i wake up barely coherent enough to feel guilt over it i find myself tucked in and watched over and forgiven and its like #thats love #i just wish i could accept it right now. but i cant. because im too fucking tired to feel more than tired