#im in a similar place now in NC although my perceived risk of getting shot feels much higher

[jediexile]

sometimes i wonder why i have such bad hypervigilance problems and then i remember that a considerable part of my childhood involved my parents telling me either to hide myself away or lock all the doors or don't be in the line of sight because i might get targeted or shot

#which sounds very dramatic but when youre a kid its not really anything #it was just like 'ok time to lock the car door and lie down in the backseat' #or like 'dont go off on your own or out of sight because you might get kidnapped' seems reasonable #this also makes me think about all the people who also lived in lower income neighborhoods that get marked as 'violent' etc #when really everyone just has untreated cptsd #moving to a small white town in massachusetts when i was 15 was absolutely fucking mindblowing #biggest culture shock of my life #my neighbors kids just... walked to school a mile away... through the woods... on their own?? #at age 12? #people here dont lock their doors?? and leave their windows open? and play out in the front yard without parental supervision? wild #im in a similar place now in NC although my perceived risk of getting shot feels much higher #mostly bc of idiots who dont know how to handle guns more than anything else #guns // #oh i should note this wasnt all in the us either #i got targeted and followed a lot in the uae bc i was all round very pale. white blonde hair etc #there are a lot of pictures out there of five year old me taken from a distance and i think about that all the time