#im sorry bill hader i know we are supposed to dislike barry

[starting-now]

Stay (Barry x Reader)

-REQUESTS OPEN-

Word Count: 1724

Warnings: panic attacks

Summary: You call Barry while having a panic attack, and he comes over to comfort you.

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You sat in bed, still feeling extremely anxious after your audition. You think it went well, but then again there were so many auditions where you thought it went well but you didn’t get the part. Your whole life your friends and family had laughed at your dream of becoming an actor. They would belittle and insult you about til no end, your anxiety bringing those insults back up until they were ringing in your ears. You were starting to feel like they were right. What if you weren’t good enough? What if you were wasting your time? You tried to take a deep breath but it came out shaky and didn’t manage to help your nerves. You didn’t wanna be alone, knowing that if you were this would just eat away at you and you wouldn’t get any sleep. You decided to call Barry. He was your best friend, and you knew he’d be there if you needed him. You pressed his name in your contact list and clicked call. It rang a few times before he picked up. 

“Hello?” he said, just hearing his voice slightly calmed your nerves. 

“Hey, um, I’m sorry if you’re busy or something but, Im just having kind of a rough day and I was wondering if you could come over and hang out for a bit? Im just freaking out a bit after my audition.” you said, embarrassed and feeling clingy. There was a pause

“I really wish I could but, Im… I’m at work.” he said hesitantly, and tears welled up in your eyes at the thought of being alone. 

“I thought you had tonight off?” you asked. Another pause

“I did, but a big order came in and I got called in.” he explained. 

You tried to hold back the tears but a few had escaped.

“Is there any way you can get out of it?” you managed to ask through the lump in your throat.

Barry sighed “..No I don’t think so.” he said reluctantly

You nodded to yourself and took a few breaths

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have made you feel guilty its not your fault at all. I guess…well I’ll just see you in class tomorrow Barry” you said, hoping your voice didn’t sound as disappointed as you felt. 

 “You know what?” he paused “I’ll be there in 15 minutes.”

“Barry, you don’t have to-“ you started, but Barry interrupted “I know. I want to be there. I’ll be there. See you then, (Y/N).” he said and hung up. 

You took a deep breath and your tears subsided along with your anxiety about your career. Unfortunately it was only subsiding because it was making room for your new worries: upsetting Barry or pushing him away. Barry insisted that he wanted to be there, but what if he was lying? What if he was waiting for an opportunity to get away from you? Or if he only hung around you because he pitied you? The anxiety welled up again, from the guilt you felt about possibly upsetting your best friend, which ate away at your insides and made you feel sick. You were in love with him but you knew he couldn’t feel the same way about you. To be honest, most times you didn’t even think you were a good enough friend to him, let alone anything more. 

After about ten minutes you went outside to wait for him in front of your apartment building. You sat out there for a few minutes when you got a call from Barry on your phone. “Hey” you said

“Hey I’m almost there, you doing okay?” he asked, sounding concerned.

“Um..” you felt the word vomit coming “not really I mean I’m doing a little better than before but you know how I get sometimes. I wish I wasn’t like this. I’m sorry about calling you, I should be able to just deal with it myself and it wasn’t right to make you feel like you had to leave work and I’m just really embarrassed and- you just passed my building.” you said. Barry hung up as he backed up and parked in the spot in front of where you were standing. He  gave you a wave and a cute smile that made your heart skip a beat. He parked the car and got out, walking up to you. You couldn’t help a small smile from appearing on your face, though your brow remained furrowed with worry. 

“Hey.” you said softly

Barry just smiled and outstretched his arms, pulling you into a hug. You wrapped your arms around his waist and rested your head on his chest, tears pricking your eyes again as he held you. He always knew just what to do to put your mind at ease. He was a bit sweaty but you didn’t mind. His large hands rested on you, one on your back and one on the back of your head, lightly stroking your hair.

“You wanna go inside?” he asked, the resonance of his voice vibrating in his chest and humming against your ear. You nodded and let go reluctantly. You walked upstairs and into your apartment, which was a small studio, brightly decorated and a bit messy. Barry loved it. Everything there was just so…you. He smiled as he watched you hang your keys on the hook and walk over to your bed, sitting down and putting your head in your hands. His smiled dropped when he saw that you were back to feeling anxious and he abruptly moved and walked over to you. 

He sat down on your bed next to you and looked at you with concern. “So what’s up?” he asked softly.

“I just. I don’t think- I just don’t think I’m good enough.” you mumbled. 

Barry looked taken aback. “Good enough?? For what, being an actor? (Y/N) you’re one of the best actors in the class, one of the best I’ve ever seen.” he said quickly, but with sincerity. 

You shook your head, the tears flowing again. “I mean for you Barry. I’m not good enough for you.” you choked out. There was a long pause, longer than the ones on the phone. Barry’s heart ached, and all he wanted to do was hold you and kiss you and tell you how ridiculous that was. How you were often times all he could think about, and how you were the one that deserved better than him, not the other way. around. He was normally pretty bad with words in situations like this so he thought carefully about what to say next. 

You took his silence as affirmation of your greatest fear, that he knew he was too good for you, and he would be leaving any minute, free of your clinginess. You felt the word vomit come up again. “I’m sorry Barry I shouldn’t have asked you to leave work and come, it was stupid, and I made you uncomfortable and I just mess everything up and you just shouldn’t have to put up with me all the time, and I get it if you-“ you said, then interrupted by Barry again.

“Put up with you? (Y/N), seeing you makes my day. I love talking to you and I love being here for you and I know I’m not good with words but I guess I just love hearing your voice. And...and when I go a day without talking to you, well, then- then that day is just no good.” he said, starting confidently but backing off at the end, afraid to go too far and push you away. 

You looked at him with complete adoration, tears still welling in your eyes. You reached a hand up to cup his cheek and he close his eyes and leaned into your touch. 

“Barry, you have no idea what that means to me.” you said with a small tired smile. Barry furrowed his brow, his eyes still closed. His cheeks felt warm. He took a deep breath. 

“Can I-can I kiss you?” he asked, unsure if he just made a huge mistake. It was as though the question had a mind of its own, finding its way out of Barry’s mind and into the world. He opened his eyes to you nodding and looking at him in a way that made his heart pound.

 He leaned in, and you met him halfway, lips connecting softly, feeling electricity between you. His thumb caressed your cheek, and you raked your fingers through his dark brown hair. His lips were softer than you imagined. You wrapped your arms around him, deepening the kiss. You parted after a bit, and leaned your foreheads against each others. You let the moment sit, absorbing it as much as you could. You broke the silence. 

“Will you stay?” you whispered, and Barry pulled you into another short kiss, then looked into your eyes and nodded “Of course.” he said. 

You laid down in the bed under the covers and Barry took off his shoes before joining you. He laid flat on his back and you hesitantly put your arm across his chest and he sighed. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” he said, grinning. You laughed quietly 

“I think I might.” you replied. One question still plagued your mind

“Are we still just friends, Barry? Or is this something more?” you asked, feeling some anxiety come back. 

“I don’t know. It’s more to me. So much more. I mean, I think I fell for you by the second time I went to Gene’s class. But, if you’re not, you know-“ he said and you interrupted him this time.

“No Barry, I mean, I definitely want more too. You just. Make me feel like, well, like no one else has ever been able to make me feel. You’re kind, caring, cute, funny, and you’re always there for me. Exhibit A.” you said and gestured to Barry lying next to you. Barry chuckled and felt his cheeks get warm, hoping you couldn’t see him blushing. He put his hand on your chin and tilted your head up so he could capture your lips in another kiss. 

“So I guess we’re on the same page then?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” you said smiling, “I guess we are.”

#barry berkman #barry block #barry hbo #barry x reader #barry berkman x reader #barry block x reader #im sorry bill hader i know we are supposed to dislike barry #but HES BABY #i can't help it