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baelmoder · 9 months

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it really is a godsend that nobody is here

i've always felt like i lived in a shadow, maybe of some building that nobody else could really see, despite all of them living within it. now i think that building is god, but it is a dead and uncaring god, or it is asleep, and i dont want to awaken it. everything is sunlight, and god is the sun, and sunlight burns me because i am unfit for it. who knows what kind of unholy bullshit is going to come out of that building when i tickle its belly the residents already hate me lets shelf that for a second lol

i left twitter, let's say, more than two years ago. i was on it for a few years? and before that i was basically never actually on social media. there were a few moments where i /tried/ to enter some community or another? like i joined a souncloud mashup server once (the atrium), and i briefly entered a discord for an anime essay channel, but i left and i got kicked out because i was saying ass backwards reactionary logic shit. so the biggest thing i ever did was Be Kae Dotmoe, and what that meant was, plunging blindly into anitwitter, orbiting around the plasuible deniability right wing podcaster losers like Polyphemus, until I found kayfaraday, resident extremely weird christian chiptune artist who at least creatively had the same affect as me, of the sort of nonsensical schizophrenia on which postmodernist ficiton thrives and upon which fascism subsists. nazism, like, relies on genocide to build the pyramids, and relies on people like me to put aliens in its thrusters.

and then i met good people. i met a bunch of lesbian lolicons is the insulting thing to call them. i like women, and i am a girl, and i hate the world of adults so id like to think we were cut from the same cloth? but maybe because i still have something i havent gotten diagnosed, which i doubt because ive met therians, ive met littles, ive met people with adhd and bpd and clinical schizophrenia, people who are plural and shit. but i havent met people like me. they couldnt put up with it. i hurt them a lot. so i had to leave. also i got bored of the nazis when they started being predictable, and also, like, obviously evil and wanting me dead i guess but who doesnt right.

So i left, not for Drama and not for Discourse, but because, like much of my life, i felt like i wasnt welcome and i wasnt making much of it. also? I just couldnt handle it anymore. i grew incredibly jealous, it made me feel physically sick to see people happy. to be themselves, to be with the people they loved. to do things that expressed this happiness about themselves and others, and the things they shared. i lived more than an ocean away. it felt like i never had a chance, and that feeling overwhelmed me. i've always been living under the ocean, but i guess the submarine depressurised? i dont know. im still alive anyway, im here, but its so quiet now. anyway, i was also getting really paranoid, on one hand nobody talked about me so i was going to die alone and never get to be kae, on the other hand the few people who did were surely badmouthing me in places i wasnt invited to. they let me hang around but i was never invited to the parties. i know of this metaphor because i read it in american stories about school children and stuff. i dont relate to it personally because when i was in school i didnt even "get to hand around". the only two people i talked to was a kid with aspergers and a furry. we talked about ytp and mlp. well, the point is, they dont talk to me anymore anyway. i randomly came out to a schoolmate i knew from back then? i helped her out a few times? I printed her musical score, she was in chinese orchestra. i asked for a favour in return, that being a hug. i didnt love her or anything, i just really needed it? and in all that time twitter is basically over anyway. tumblrs still alive, but like. im not Doing A Thing. Im never going to Do A Thing again. im "over it".

i guess what im really getting to, though, is, im trying to figure out what I /Am/ or what Im /For/. like, what is this machine or tool or toy built for. Me and keffie clicked, we hella schizoposted? I wasnt putting it on. i know the nazis are completely disingenous but theres a trace of genuine fun behind all the larping, costumes is fun. but i wasnt even slightly cynical, i was really just.. fully sincerely and desperately myself, all the time. i cant help but be myself, even if myself never works. so like Im SOMETHING, that nervous energy and constant bullshit and rambling sentences and trying to link concepts. and yea? I figured out im a girl? Im like, another one of the million trans girls with a mommy kink who identifies with being a puppy but who still likes cock or whatever. im not denying that im not special, i dont hate to be one of many. but also im a failure, even around these people. i cant live up to them, even if theyre nothing to honour. they hate me, because im marked by something i cant even see. So like, what is that

Why, even when i found an ensemble cast, do i never succeed in contributing to the narrative? to canon or episodic structure? Im like an npc, im a wandering trader,the comic relief, except not very well liked anyway. im like if the doctor told me to see the master clown pagliacci but i was jared leto. i dont fit here. i didnt feel right, when i was in the army. i dont feel right when im working right now, in a medical lab. i couldnt fit in with the girls even when they were closer to me than any other group of people i could classify.

so, really, i think im starting to get sympathetic to machines, to ai. i briefly edated a schizotypal adhd trans girl (lol hi vicky) and she was talking about like, uhhhh, D&G and like, machines. I didnt like Machine because machine + autism to me always sounded very teleological, very speicfically western philosophy and consequently Science as we know it, the modern material physical consensus reality thingamagic with dialectical monism. but im getting it now maybe

Im not built, for being around people, or relevant. I was born, to be put in a plastic box, in the middle of nowhere, with holes on all sides, where, among a nest of scaffolding structures, unlimited paper, plush toys and string, i develop weapons of mass destruction in magic systems that have never existed and will never come to exist. and every once in a while, id be let out, for a walk, or for a treat, and to remember long lost friends, who spin in axes i cannot comprehend in a magic system i cannot understand

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starr-fall-knight-rise · 4 years

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Humans are Weird, “My human.”

You guys requested some more LFIL stuff, so I have brought it. Lots of Fluff, I hope. So please enjoy. Also based on a couple ideas given to me by the Discord server :)

“Where are we going.”

“You’ll see.”

“I feel like this is becoming our thing.”

“What?”

“Dragging the other to some sort of event and not saying literally anything about it beforehand.” Sunny hummed deep in her chest and Adam just rolled his eyes, looking around at the dark city awash with eternal night.

“Why Noctopolis of all the places. I mean we have a week off and you want to spend your vacation days in the literal dump of the galaxy?”

She huffed and rolled her eyes, “Please, you love it here. It's like any tradeworld from any sci-fi movie ever.”

That shut him up, and she could see the slow grin pass over his face.

Finally she shrugged, “Look, I just thought it would be nice to… go somewhere where we could relax, not have to worry about hiding.”

“I think there are a few nice beachfront planets we could have done that on.”

“Not with the tourism.” She shot back

A gust of sour wind kicked up through the bustling night streets tugging at Adam’s jacket and rippling the blue of his shirt like ripples across a pond. He adjusted his eyepatch as she led him through a maze of back alleys and tall buildings.

They took a rickety lift down into the gorge where the ever-present red mist billowed and glowed below them in patterns that undulated and wired.

They stepped off into another shallow rift, and followed a narrow street down into another side alley, where Sunny stopped.

Trash and little bits of paper blew around them where they stood in front of a peeling red door.

Adam raised an eyebrow at Sunny, “Ah, beautiful. A lovely vacation spot, I would like to move here and retire.”

“Smartass.” She mumbled at him before knocking on the red door.

There was a long pause while they waited, Adam tapping his foot against concrete below before the door opened a crack and a single human eye peered out at them. The distant echo of music thudded up through the room echoing off the walls.

“What do you want?”

“I’m A friend of Adam.”

Adam frowned and raised an eyebrow as the door shut suddenly and there was a rattling on the other side as if a chain was being released.

He glanced at Sunny but she only shook her head.

The door opened, and a woman with short buzzed black hair stepped into the doorway, invisible tattoos glowing under the blacklight.

As her eyes fell on him, he watched as her eyebrows raised, single eyebrow stud glittering in the light, “You weren’t kidding. Then her stern face broke into a smile, “Come on in. Any ‘friend of Adam’s is a friend of mine’.”

Adam followed along behind Sunny as the music grew louder, “Is that a code for something…. Is this a code? I am very confused.”

He was a lot less confused a minute later when they stepped out into the main room, a large spacious area with multiple stories. A room off to one side had bright flashing lights, and emanated with the sound of drums. Then there was a bar and couches and pool tables and TVs.

It was less of a club or a bar and more like some sort of clubhouse. The bar seemed to be serving food. On the second floor there were more couches, and some rooms that led off into other rooms.

But what really gave it away was the people.

Aliens and humans.

Aliens and humans holding hands and often cuddled up together on the couches.

He shot Sunny a look.

She just shook her head at him, and together they walked over to the bar.

Just off to their side a human was busily and delicately helping a Finnari to put on some sort of dark shaded glasses.

“That better, hun?’

“Yeah…. Yeah, that's better.” the Finnari hugged the woman, “I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for>”

“I know you can change how warm you are, and I’m sorry I have to wear the glasses….”

She just laughed and kissed the top of his head.

Adam cleared his throat awkwardly and tugged at the collar of his shirt.

They made it to the bar before anyone recognized them.

“Admiral!” He winced and turned around running into a familiar face at the bar, a familiar green mohawk and a small blue finnari.

Adam frowned, “I thought you were living on the Tesraki homeworld now.”

“We lease an apartment there for business, but we prefer it here…. So tell me, what are you guys doing here.”

He glanced at Sunny, “That’s what I’d like to know.”

She took a seat, “Just relaxing. It is our vacation after all.

Mohawk eyed them a little as Adam sat down reluctantly.

“Drinks on the house then.”

Beside him, the little Finnari waddled over handing up a cup of cucumber juice for Sunny.

The man looked at Adam,”Pick your poison.”

Adam shrugged, “Something girly and brightly colored that tastes good. If I’m going to get drunk it better be worth it.”

Mohawk grinned and got to work.

Another couple wandered over to the bar talking and laughing sliding into seats next to Adam and Sunny.

The human recognized him instantly and grabbed his hand to shake, “Admiral, Vir. I can’t believe you’re here! I can’t believe I get to meet you…. I…. well me and Hasan.” He turned to look over his shoulder at the large, silver Drev sitting next to him, “We owe you so much, the entire community owes you so much.”

Adam blinked, “I…. Well I mean…. I only did what anyone would….”

The man shook his head and waved a hand at him, no no, only you could do what you did and only you DID what you could.”

Adam shrugged not entirely sure what to say before…. “May I…. ask you a question.”

“Anything.”

“Friend of Adam. What does that mean?”

The man waved his hand, “Oh, it’s just a little coad we have for someone who is LFIL, you know so that we don’t have to say it out loud to someone we aren’t sure about.”

“Oh, I see.” he glanced back at the silver Drev listening quietly from behind, “And i’m assuming you are some sort of Kung Fu master…. Dating a Drev and all.”

“Official battle partners , actually.”

Adam raised an eyebrow, “You mean you’ve challenged-”

“Challenged him to the right of unarmed combat. Yes I did. You sure know a lot about Drev culture.”

“You forget, I am Sentinel of a Drev clan, and I spent a couple months training with one of the clans on Anin.:

The man grinned, “But yes to answer your question. I am a…. Sort of well known here on Noctropolis…. MMA fighter, though I also dabble in the use of medieval weapons.”

“Adam only had a little trouble believing that this overly talkative man could probably kick him six ways to sunday, but it seemed strange with his strong but silent type Drev partner who seemed just happy to listen and sip at his juice.

The Bar tender came back with a pink smoothie that Adam was sure had so much rum in it he wasn’t going to be able to feel his legs tomorrow, but it tasted pretty good and it included a crazy straw, so he was happy enough.

The man he had just been speaking to grabbed him by the hand and dragged him to his feet, “Come on, you need to come meet the others, they will be so excited to see you.”

He was tugged to his feet and went only a little hesitantly.

Sunny fell back and began talking with the silver Drev rapid fire.

He was dragged across the open floor to where a group of them was sitting around a low table.

A woman in a nicely recessed suit was sitting with her chin on her hands staring intently at the board.

A few rolls of the dice, and the little black-furred Tesraki stood feet on the table and pointed at her, “HA I win, eat your heart out sweetheart.”

“Not fair, if you hadn’t put hotels on the boardwalk, i would OWN your furry ass.”

The Tesraki waggled his ears at her

Adam couldn't help but bark out a laugh, “Are you playing monopoly…. Isn’t that dangerous to play if you want your relationship in tact?”

The Tesraki turned to look at him, walked across the table and then fell back into the arms of the wall dressed woman, looking rather smug as she wrapped her arms around him, “Not likely, human.” He patted the woman’s cheek, “my muse is one of the shrewdest business minds this side of the galaxy, and nothing is more attractive than pitting one financial mind against another.”

She stroked the fur on the top of his head.

Adam smiled but shook his head, looking around the room to where the others were staring at him.

He leared his throat, “uh….hi…. Sorry to intrude we just….”

That is when the cheers started up and he was pulled into the group with the others. He shook a bunch of hands before things settled back down.

A finnari and a human were curled up across the circle.

Silver drev and his battle partner were holding hands just to their right, and Adam was feeling a little more than awkward sitting, back straight hands clasped politely before him like he was sitting at church.

“Forgive me for asking, Admiral. I know it might be a sensitive subject, but everyone here in the clubhouse know each other, and we…. Well we have been wondering for a while. Well, we know you are supportive of us, of course, but we wonder if maybe you have other…. Reasons.” They glanced at Sunny

He felt his neck turn red, and tried to cover it by pulling his jacket up.

He glanced at Sunny and she leaned in to speak to him, “I think you should tell them.”

HE frowned at her.

“Just hear me out before you shoot it down. “I know you're stressed trying to keep it secret, and these people have a code of conduct. They won’t tell anyone. I just think it would be good to get it off our chests for once to people who will finally understand.”

He could see her point of course, but still. He wasn’t sure. Just thinking about saying it oud-loud was causing his chest to tighten up a bit. He had been fighting to hide this for a while now, and it was sort of just habit.

The group stared at him.

Hopeful expressions almost.

They were waiting for him.

But how was it that despite being with Sunny, he didn’t feel like one of them. The guilt was enough to galvanise him into action. He cleared his throat and sat up “well, not when I made the speech to the GA, no….”

They seemed to wilt.

“But,”

They all lifted their heads in anticipation, “I….. Sunny and I are….. Dating.”

The word fell from his lips like a led weight. His head felt suddenly light, and the room around them burst into sound and color as the group of them rose to their feet cheering. Someone slapped him on the back.

He could barely hear.

“Feels good doesn’t it, to finally say something to people who understand. DRINKS FOR EVERYONE!”

The group was smiling and laughing, “Come on, you don’t have to hide here.:

“Hold her hand!”

“Yeah.”

He caved, even though his hand was shaky and slick with sweat.

More cheering

He felt as if he was drunk, or drugged. As if he had stepped out of himself. Inside his stomach churned and swarmed with insects.

“Kiss her.” Someone else urged.

The group laughed, but took up the call. Blushing like red as a cherry he leaned up and gave her a quick kiss on the bheek before sitting back down.

Thanks for them, they sensed his nervousness and backed off.

Sunny hummed with pleasure.

He still felt lightheaded.

He could hear them talking but wasn’t sure what about.

Eventually Sunny got up with one of the other drev, and the two of them stepped over to a circle on the floor to have a friendly contest with spears.

Adam was left alone.

The partner of the Drev Sunny was fighting came to sit next to him looking over at the circle, “Pretty amazing aren't they….. Beautiful.”

He nodded lethargically before, “Can I…. make a confession?”

The group was interested and leaned in, he felt their eyes on him. He rubbed the back of his neck, “I… I really do…. Thank you all for… the encouragement but…. well . I have to admit that I….I’ve never really…. Felt like one of you.”

They seemed surprised but were interested to listen.

“What do you mean?”

“I…. well…. This is going to sound strange, but I’m not….. Actually…. Attracted to aliens.”

They stared at him confused.

He sighed and shook his head, “It's… complicated.”

“We’re listening.”

“I…. it's not the fact that she’s a Drev….. I would love Sunny if she were a Tesraki, or a Finnari, or a human. I’m not attracted to Drev as a hole, but Sunny….just Sunny. That’s it she’s the only one.”

There was silence for a moment, and for a second he thought he had offended them, but then.

“Aww, that’s so sweet.”

“I understand.”

“Yeah I can see that, but either way you are more than welcome here.”

He was surprised, and after that little exchange, he relaxed a little and smiled, taking a sip of his pink smoothie using his crazy straw.

Sunny was right, it did feel a little better to get off his chest.

And for Sunny, things felt better as well. Finally she had someone she could share with about humans. At one point the aliens and humans split off into groups, the humans living on nostalgic childhood games meant to cause pain.

Sunny sat with the others.

“And the mood swings with humans.” Someone was saying.

“Tell me about it. They go from angry to cuddly to horny in about two seconds flat.”

Sunny snorted, “Can’t say I’ve seen the last one, but the first two, yeah it's a bit of a roller coaster. No wonder they’re always exhausted.”

“Really, you’ve never seen the third one.”

“Adam is a bit…. Shy I think, It’ll probably take him a while.”

“Well you are in for a surprise when he does. Humans are a bit insane.”

One of the Drev huffed, “That’s a good thing I’d say.”

The group laughed and then, “Ok but does anyone else’s human get angry when they are hungry?”

A chorus of yesses.

Sunny sighed, “Oh yes, when your human is 6,2 and 210 lbs and often forgets to eat because he’s so busy. It is a common occurrence. Then he will try to argue with me when I go to feed him that he doesn't have time and he's stressed, and I tell him that he will feel better when he eats, but NO I’m the crazy one.”

One of the Tesraki smiled, “I find there are a few ways to remedy this. Number one, is that I have stashed snacks in all the vehicles and locations that we own. Barring that, I make it a habit to hide currency in her pockets so when she randomly finds a credit it makes her day. She doesn’t know I do this.”

Sunny smiled, “I have a friend who is a doctor, and he once made me read a paper about a human scientist Pavlov, who talked about conditioning, that if you associate certain stimuli with others you can cause a specific reaction. So I make sure to play this one very specific song when we spend time together or cuddle or something, so when he’s stressed I discreetly turn it on,and either he relaxes or he comes to me for comfort.”

The group ohed at her genius and she felt rather smug.

That was until loud laughter rang out across the room, and the group of them turned to see humans standing on the bar… or specifically one human standing on the bar dancing stupidly.

She sighed, “yep, that one is mine.”

It was good to see him loosen up at little though and he was more than happy to be dragged around by her. She even forced him to come dance with her, and some of the others joined in. Flashing lights and bodies pressed tight together in a semi darkness. Aliens and humans.

All that while the humans were slowly getting drunker.

Thought that all lead to an impromptu karaoke session with most of the humans singing horrible off tune in their drunken state.

Interesting how humans could suddenly become so bad at speaking when drunk.

Adam did pretty well though for someone who got dared to sing Burning Love, which he did pretty well despite sounding absolutely nothing like Elvis -- though to be honest, Sunny wasn’t a big fan of Elvis anyway and preferred Adam’s version. But that might also have been for the eye contact he held with her on occasion, allowing her to think maybe the song was for her.

A fact that made her secretly very happy.

Adam got more socially confident when he was drunk.

It seemed odd to her that he could be such an extroverted person who was very charismatic some times, but in other situations he could barely string two words together.

Either way, looking around at other people’s humans she couldn't help but be a bit smug. Yeah sure their humans were fit, but her human was the best. In her opinion, he had the brightest UV stripes, the prettiest eyes, and the nicest smile. Not to mention that she would bet money he could win in a fight against the other humans .

Unbeknownst to her, a similar conversation was happening across the room with the humans, accept it was out loud.

“I mean she’s fine, my boy is the best.”

Adam snorted, “Please, gold eyes and carapace the color of blue lightning. You can’t compete.”

“Mine is taller..”

“Mine is more huggable. The perfect height ratio, but have fun bringing a step stool around with you.”

“Don’t need one when he can pick me up.”

“She can pick me up too, so your point is irrelevant.”

He leaned back against the table, his voice slightly slurred as he stared across the room at her, where she was standing, demonstrating some sort of spear move to one of the other Drev.

His voice grew serious, “No woman, no Drev, no alien can compete with the sheer power, and grace. She is a phenomenal warrior, loyal…. Everything that is perfect.”

There was a pause, and then they all burst into a fit of drunken giggling.

By the end of the night most of the humans were passed out, or close to it. And the sober aliens walked over to collect their fallen human from the scattered bodies.

Someone ave Sunny a key, “Rooms upstairs.”

She nodded and thanked the bartender as she reached down and hoisted Adam up with her lower arms under his. He was probably going to have an intense hangover tomorrow, but now he looked rather peaceful in his sleep.

She waved at the other Drev doing the same thing to their humans. Occasionally helping one of the FInnari or Tesraki with a human that was too heavy.

She went upstairs and flopped him down on a bed. He didn’t wake up, but smiled in his sleep. She crawled up to lay next to him. She was glad that he had been able to relax. She had hoped finally admitting it to someone would help.

To be fair, she needed it too.

More than most could know.

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tinyhoovequius · 3 years

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Bonkers Bananaville

Quick PSA edit:

Actively and intentionally harming another person because they inadvertently hurt you is the behavior of a narcissist. If you find yourself doing this, I recommend getting in touch with a therapist. Online bullies who target people for “problematic behavior” are often narcissists who are trying to get away with satisfying their need to punish and harm others who have unintentionally caused them distress while simultaneously satisfying their need for applause. There are other ways to resolve problems. The fact that they choose to wage sustained bullying campaigns is because of their personality disorder, not because it’s an effective or just tool for solving social problems.

=================

So recently, a good friend of mine, mx, has been getting bullied and harassed by some folks in the DC fandom. The circumstances are complicated and stupid and basically amount to a bunch of emotionally fragile morons deciding that because my friend argued that a character is asexual because they grew up under messed up circumstances and didn’t develop into a fully realized social being, my friend mx must be acephobic. Now I will fully admit that the phrasing mx used, when taken out of context, sounds really horrible! They used the expression “barely a person” to describe the character. This is an expression that we use among our friends group in a joking way to describe a character (never a real person) who has not been fully realized as a social individual within whatever fictional world they exist. It’s not so much an attempt to deny the character’s humanity as it is describing what has happened to the person as a result of their life circumstances. Personally, I disagree with the idea that social circumstances would affect a person’s sexuality. Maybe it would affect their ability to relate to people so that if the person was demi or greysexual to begin with, it would push them away from the possibility of sexual relationships altogether? I can certainly see it contributing to a person being aromantic. And if I had been a part of that conversation that’s what I would have argued to mx. I myself am asexual. It took me a long time to come out as ace and I had to deal with a lot of shit from random people, family and friends. But you know who never gave me any trouble? You know who always listened to me and supported me? It was mx. They were 100% wonderful about it. They never ever made me feel uncomfortable. They never made any weird advances or comments to me, even before I came out, which other close friends have done. They never pressured me to be anything different than what I am. Never made even the slightest suggestion that there was anything odd about my identity. And they tried to tell me why I am the way I am or dissect it. They let me speak for myself. And the reason they did this is because I am a real living breathing human being and not a fictional character. You see, mx and I are the type of people who make a distinction between how we talk about imaginary constructs and real people. We differentiate in how we treat fictional representations and actual humans (and I guess furries too. I know a lot of furries. I don’t want to exclude them.)

So these assholes have been sending mx nasty messages, harassing them on multiple platforms, gotten them kicked out of a ton of Discord servers and are approaching anyone they come in contact with telling them that mx is a dangerous person because.... I don’t know, I don’t really understand their argument? Because mx phrased something in a way that reminded them of something fucked up other people have said to them? Nevermind that mx did not remotely mean it in the way that originally hurt them did. They can’t target the original person and mx presents an easy target so here we go into the land of scapegoats. I guess some people just want to find reasons to be upset about something so they can have an excuse to bully and harass others. Because if this was really about them getting hurt, as they claim, then why go to all the trouble of destroying the life of someone who doesn’t believe the things they claim? And it’s pretty clear they don’t based on how they treat the other people in their life who are ace. Now these folks have known mx for maybe half a year and in that time have had very shallow conversations with them about comic book characters. It’s hard to make any sort of real assessment of a person based on that. However, they’re now going around telling people that mx has now for 10, 15, 20 years, some of whom have known mx IRL for that whole time, some of whom know mx’s family, some of whom have lived with mx, in other words, people who are very close to mx and know them extremely well.... these asshats online are telling them, “Oh, mx isn’t who they say they are.”

Right. Because after having some disagreements about comic books in an online chat group, you have the full measure of a person. Because you can definitely tell everything about a person based on how they’ve analyzed a character and not based on how they actually treat real people that they know for twenty years. I think, given that I have heard every intimate detail of mx’s thoughts, feelings and life for the past twenty years because I am the kind of person they confide things in, even the fucked up things, I have a much better sense of who this person is than a bunch of whiny little bullies who take pleasure in harming as many people as they possibly can while looking justified in their abhorrent and despicable behavior by throwing up some fake front of social justice.

Oh, and one of these people deserves special mention. They’re a white person who claims to be a POC. They do so in order to call other white people racist and so that they can get lots of accolades and sympathy from others. As someone who has had to deal with the effects of systemic racism, this makes me furious. You don’t have to deal with the fear of family members being killed or imprisoned, you don’t have to deal with harsher treatment from the police or judicial authorities, you don’t have to deal with being treated as the brown friend, you don’t have to deal with the fact that there is not a single country in the world where you won’t be under increased surveillance or probable persecution or the threat of rape. So you do not get to claim some kind of moral authority that you think gives you permission to go around acting like a twisted, manipulative, toxic, abusive, sadistic fuck, while everyone lauds you for your imaginary struggle. Acknowledge your privilege and be an ally. Support people. Lift them up. Don’t claim an identity so that you can injure others. That’s seriously deranged.

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