#it hurts so much to know alfie would be doing better if id never came here

[du-hjarta-skulblaka]

Okay but for real I'm so FUCKING sick and exhausted of having to rely on the kindness of strangers just to fucking live

Rent is too expensive for this shitty little flat that has black mould in every room and pipes that leak. Food is too expensive and I spent £40 the other day on a loaf of bread, margarine, and enough cheap ass vegetables tins and frozen food for like a week and a half if we stretch it. Electricity is too expensive and £20 lasts a week of us switching every appliance and loght in the house off unless we're actively using it. We have no savings so if an emergency hits we're unbelievably fucked. I havent seen my sister in a month because train travel is, say it with me, too fucking expensive

I've applied to dozens of jobs, been told I'm not eligible for bennifits because my partner is in work, been told I'm definitely gonna get a job only to hear nothing for 2 weeks and then a boiler plate rejection if I'm lucky. What am I doing wrong? I'm happier and safer than I've been in years and I'm still having to hold my partner as they sob because they're so stressed over wether we get to live for another week. This is fucking insanity and I'm just...here. unable to help except to beg the group of wonderful kind people on here I barely know

#it hurts so much to know alfie would be doing better if id never came here #like my choices are die slowly from depression and abuse or die slowly from malnutrician and stress #im nearly 30 years old with like i years of solid work experience and the local discoint supermarket wont hire me #what the fuck is wrong. what am i doing wrong. #stress posting #im just. i needed to vent.