#it’s quite literally the thesis of this book—Harrison’s EMOTIONAL thesis

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

one of the best lines I’ve ever written is “[harrison’s] not wise. he never wants to be again” in ch. 2 of BODY BACK like holy actual cow the level of self-awareness there & the pain there & the anger there & the jadedness there & the vulnerability there & the heartbreak there & the desperation there & the sadness there & the longing there & the certainty there & the hurt there & the—

#like idk I could pick apart what this one line means to him at this moment when it’s stated #it’s quite literally the thesis of this book—Harrison’s EMOTIONAL thesis #like he spent ALLLL of moth work doing the ‘right’ thing #Lonan can’t be in his father’s cabin because of his history there??? #all good they’ll sleep in a tent #Lonan is actually ready to enter his father’s cabin when he’s just alone with Harrison? #nice let’s go in #Lonan just wants to hold him in the bathroom?? #great he’ll be held #Lonan thinks he sees the ghost of his father??? #all good let’s leave the cabin for good it’s clearly making things worse #Lonan can’t handle being in Oregon anymore?? #totally fine let’s drive him solo across the country all the way to home #WHOLE BOOK PROGRESSES like that — Lonan having needs and harrison dropping his #entire life to provide them #this man who I love very much but is struggling to accept himself and therefore me?? #all good I can take that #this man continues to hurt me because he himself is so hurt he doesn’t even know how to handle himself??? #I can carry that #for all intents and purposes Harrison’s trying to do the right thing in MW #AND IT DOESNT WORK!!!!! #I think so much of body back is Harrison trying so hard to forget that man #not Lonan no but the version of himself #who loved Lonan at all #because if he remembers that person he’ll remember how much the love he gave didn’t seem to matter #and this line in BB I think is the only moment we see MW Harrison peak through #he’s sooooo vulnerable there—he knows he was once ‘wise’ in doing all the right things for Lonan #he also knows none of that matters because lonan’s not here #& he cannot handle that at all << ok tag essay over #btw this entire thing inspired me to create a new podcast lmaooo y’all heard it here first folks!!!