#it's not reynauld's because it looked felt and reacted exactly like frostbite and let me tell you NEVER jump directly into

[david-watts]

I’m actually so pissed off at that like. it started when I was a kid because I would get anxious and have nausea as a physical symptom so I’d mention feeling sick whenever something potentially anxiety-inducing came up but never actually threw up and that got labelled me a hypochondriac. at age four. and at age seven I’d do shit for attention. I suspected I had asthma and was overdramatic about it and I was RIGHT to think so but I got labelled a liar. and a hypochondriac. I’d be in pain? I’d feel sick on a near-constant basis because I was developing severe mental illness and also there was someone, possibly through actual government instructions, though partially because she was a total cunt of a human being, literally persecuting me (and others) on a near-daily basis. so I’d often feel ill. that was of course considered ‘hypochondria’ even though literally what was that meant to be? fuck’s sake. and then when I like. started going ‘hey I think there’s something wrong with my body’ I’d get told to stop overreacting. and then! I started actually getting problems noticed and like. I’d get told to push through it. how do I push through a spine injury that left me bedridden for days? if I’m not given the time of day to figure out what’s wrong with me of course I’m gonna try searching online for solutions and inevitably be wrong the first couple of times! oh, what’s that? you definitely have ptsd and adhd? oh that’s what those symptoms are! wait, what, you’re saying that I can’t possibly have those problems...? despite having the exact same symptoms as you? considering that these are the same people that insist every winter that I have reynauld’s never checking that I wasn’t experiencing literal frostbite because my grandpa had it I ought not to be surprised... it’s the default reaction. way to ignore everything. just call the problem a liar and have done with it knowing you’ve done ‘all you can’

#it's not reynauld's because it looked felt and reacted exactly like frostbite and let me tell you NEVER jump directly into #a hot bath or anything the frostbitten area will feel like it's dunked into boiling water and it hurts so badly #I wasn't even LOOKING for frostbite symptoms I was trying to prove a point that if I were paying rent this temperature would be illegal #and I went 'what temperature must it be for extremities to go numb and red/purple' and I accidentally discovered it was frostbite. #they still wanted to take my only heat source away because it gets a bit chilly in one corner of the room #because they didn't put the heat pump in the right place #how do I explain to them that no matter how much I strengthen the muscles in my back they're still gonna hurt and get overworked #trying to straighten my spine? #because. uh. if playing hockey didn't help much #if I try and do exercises to help buff them up so to speak that's just gonna push them towards 'overworked' faster #from EXPERIENCE! #I just have to bitch about this. this definitely didn't have an actual effect on me developing actual hypochondriac tendencies!! #that was sarcasm I think it definitely did #I used to think that I'd damaged my nerves somehow that time I ran away because my fingers were difficult to control and numb #but never thought it could be. y'know. frostbite. especially when stripped out of my covers in near freezing temperatures #still paranoid she'll start doing that again if she decides that we Must Follow Her Routine She Never Communicates #the frostbite thing is. forefront of my mind because it's been cold lately #I'm mad. I'm really mad. I feel like my body's failing me and I can't even SAY that because of how I get treated.