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im-not-shouting-im-projecting · 4 years

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Some Seamster!Quinn Cooper HCs

I didnt intend for this to be this long, but my seamstress heart was inspired. I got kind of carried away, and had to refocus, so I'm going to do another post soon with some advice and anecdotes for wrighting costumers.

For the last couple of months I have been absolutely Obsessed with @poindextears 's Crickets, her SMH post-Waffle Frog OCs, and I have had a lot of headcannons about Quinn Cooper: a theatre kid extrordanare and Hoh icon who talks like he's from 50s and is the boyfreind of Nando (Cricket dman) as we have quite a bit in common. All of Mel's fics are amazing, and I would highly recommend! Give them a read on tumblr or AO3

I know Mel has said that Quinn's favorite place is Joanne's, which is completely understandable for someone who doesn't live near actual textile markets... but Joanne's (and similar chain craft/fiberarts supply stores) suck.

Like first of all, on a monetary level... I'm going to start with the assumption that high school Quinn didn't have a large project budget (reasoning: 1. his family is already tight with money, 2. I can't imagine his not-particularly-supportive guardians gave him lots of spending money (esp with theatre fees and materials) 3. I can't imagine he brought in tons of money on the side with a theatre schedule + grades good enough to go to med school + time with his old lady freind + time for sewing)

With that being said: Fabric is expensive. Way more expensive than people expect. Especially if you don't have expensive machinery (like overlock machines) that make cheap synthetic fabrics usable. Also I like to imagine Quinn is in the "fabrics made of plastic are itchy and bad for the enviornment" club like me.

All that is to say: Joanne's is absolutely the worst place that isn't actively upscale to buy fabric (or materials) on a budget.

- The shop's target demographic is stay-at-home white suburban moms who have the time to clip coupons, buy materials on a "when it's on sale" basis as opposed to a "my sister didn't notice the four seperate places I marked my shears 'fabric only' so now I physically cannot continue this project without buying new extra-sharp fabric scissors'" basis, and importantly: can stop by the store every day for a month because discounted items change on a day to day basis, all of which is not particularly conducive to someone a high school kids on a budget.

- Even with all the discounts in existance, the fabrics there are still super expensive and especially for the often lackluster quality (like... they are fine but if I'm paying literally $40/y for enough faux fur to make a big enough "mane" to cover the gap between the cowardly lion's padding and the actor's neck, we shouldnt have to sweep the fur bits off the stage at intermission)

- Additionally if you need a lot of fabric, say enough 7ft squares of heavy mustard yellow fabric for 30 lioness cape/pants? You might just need to run 4 seperate Joanne's out of two different fabrics that were close enough to each other to work

If you are putting in the time and effort to make something complicated,

- Also, and this is probably the most obvious: there just aren't that many options. If you want anything other than a cotton or fleece, than you better hope the single shade they have in the right color works

So I have established: Joanne's = Bad

So how does Quinn factor into all this?

Well first of all I would like to imagine that at some point Quinn helped out in SMH costuming, where they teach him the magic of using something that already exists. Samwell being as liberal as it is, I would like to think that the costuming people are aware of how awful the current state of fabric waste is, and, how his sewing skills are so much better used altering things at thrift shops beginning his journey twords my completeley basess headcannon that he one day adopts some vintage looks

While I think he would be down to adopt some of these practices in his costuming (a la my personal anectode below), I have a feeling that Quinn is one of those people who just likes to make things from scratch. (reasoning: 1 his general personality, but far more importantly, 2 THIS BOY WANTED TO MAKE EVAN HANSEN'S POLO BY HAND, WHY??? WHAT IS THE PURPOSE??? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME THAT TAKES???????? YOU ARE WILLING TO SPEND UPWORDS OF TEN HOURS OF YOUR LIFE ON A MODERN STYLE SHIRT THATS GOING TO BE SEEN 4 TIMES???)

I get it, especially for historical reconstructions, there are people who genuinely love sewing by hand, I love Bernadette Banner as much as the next seamstress, but I honestly don't know how they do it.

I like to think that Quinn would be wandering around some thrift store and out of the corner of his eye notice some curtains and have a vision of frolicking through a meadow like Julie Andrews in cloths made out of a curtain... metaphorically. But he def gets "Do a Dear" stuck in his head every time he wears it

Of course the SMH Costuming crew introduce him to some better places to at least get draping and mock up fabrics, but I think they would also introduce him to an actual fabric store.

Samwell is close enough to Boston that I'm sure there's an actual fabric warehouse within driving distance, so when Quinn can't find a suitable material at his beloved Joanne's, and is understandably skeptical about ordering fabric online, Ford is just like dude, go to the fabric warehouse, so he gives it a try.

Ok his fist thought when he gets there is omg everything is so big. Ok, that's his second thought, his first thought is ugh this smells like the SMH locker room, bc a giant block of concrete with no internal climate control in the New England humidity stuffed to the brim with moisture-holding fabric is def gonna make some kind of funk.

But after that like...

Ok, on the left is your average Joanne's while on the right is your average fabric warehouse

I can totally imagine him physically getting lost. He is tiny, and those places are total mazes, absolutely ginormus, they are all stacked literally 8 feet tall, and all the rows look the same.

Fabric in warehouses is stored for maximum capacity as opposed to places like Joanne's where it is purposely stored in ways that display the whole selection at once. Additionally, while hobbyist bolts face out as much as possible so you can see it at a glance, professional grade bolts face in for protection

...If it's on the shelves at all, the hallmark of a textile warehouse is just dozens of bolts leaning haphazardly in precarious places

This tiny boy is just absolutely surrounded by rows upon rows of fabric, stored in ways that are absolutely not conducive to being looked at easily, and is incredibly frusturated bc Aggghhh I can't look at any of this without moving all of it around, and I can't reach any of it!!!

BUT!

Guess what he has?

Nando to the rescue!

Quinn's big strong dman boyfriend is more than willing to move around and carry the bolts for him and when need be he'll just straight up plop Quinn on his shoulders so he can see the stuff at the top :)

Ok, that's the gist of what I had to say, some other little seamster!Quinn hcs:

his old lady friend taught him the absolute basics, and his wedding gift from her is her 70 year old sewing machine that he first learned to sew on and he treasures that thing FOREVER

bc of his apparent love of hand sewing he is one of those people that swears by genuine leather thimbles, idk why it just feels like him

whenever people compliment his outfit he is just casually like "Oh thanks, I made it" (bc non sewers are always astounded by that and we get to gloat) because I said so

he makes Nando cute crop tops

#quinn cooper #the crickets #Poindexters #alannah talks about sewing #oh look i said something #sewing #costuming #quindo

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dolphinsdancer · 6 years

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Maybe you’ll be nicer..next time..

Or maybe there won’t be one.

..if there EVER is a next time. IF I give you another chance..

..IF you deserve one.

The thing is..I know I do. I get ALL the chances.

Because I’m STILL here, because of me..not you.

If it was because of you, I’d be gone..the horrible things you’ve said and done, or just simply not done..at all..have rattled through my brain on those dreadful weak moments..of struggle and pain. I’m still here. Because of me.

Not you.

Because I fought for myself, when no one else cared.

(NOTE: Before I dive into this..jungle.. I started to write this ~a week++ ago, before this past week of the tragic deaths of Kate Spade & Anthony Bourdain. I’m still sharing it, because I wrote it for the PMDD peeps out there..that sometimes face this struggle with their “demons” monthly, or sometimes daily, or sometimes randomly, because it’s like that..vague and individual, and not consistent..even month-to-month. I’ve had stretches of feeling just amazing, just fine.

And..I’ve had a couple bad “episodes”.

Last month (April/May) was horrible.

Physical pain was back.

Extreme.

Worse I’d had in ~3+yrs, since before my surgery.

Which is discouraging.

Pain like that.

Makes you want to just give up.

Because you don’t want to live with it.

Again.

In any way, shape, or form. Outside stress makes PMDD..(and PMS..and endometriosis) worse.

This past month has been a bit “lighter”, but still challenging. The toughest moments in the past ~2 months were when I have had to take HEAVY pain meds..

I could take just one, to deal with the moment, and breathe through it, or I could take them ALL, and then maybe the pain, the physical at least..which is real..and mental, which is not (I’ll explain this..below) would just be gone.

Forever. But..I’m still here. Because I fight for me.

When no one else does. And I share this for those that have felt that pain, on any level, wondered those thoughts, even for a minute..and need a moment, to have someone tell them, to let them know they are not alone.. And I share it, even though it may not be perfect, and may not be finished, because it is too important to wait another moment..to help someone, if you can

..if I can.. I will. I can and will fight for others struggling. Like only one person (my sister from another Mama) has fought for me.. I will fight for me. I will fight for you).

So here goes. How do you explain something that most people don’t STILL believe even exists? How do you explain something that has judgements so deeply rooted in horrible misogyny & people, both men & women (but I’ve seen & heard it more from men)..make nasty comments..like “she’s ‘PMS’ing’, or “she’s being a bitch, it must be that ‘time of the month’..”, or the other endless statements.. The funny thing is..I more often than not, am totally biting my tongue, simply because I don't want to be called "angry" or "bitchy", or "that angry uncontrollable bitch, etc.." by that person who doesn't understand

(and makes no effort to do so..), because then it only proves their point/opinion about me..(even though in truth they quite frequently deserve to be verbally eviscerated..)

YET..I restrain. Even though their point/opinion about me is also totally wrong.

Because they’ve never bothered to find out anything about me.

So..I bite my tongue.

Why..

Because.. People don’t know..yet..don’t understand..YET. 1 in ~20 women on this planet deal with this disease (in varying degrees, from mild to extreme), and yet there are almost no treatments, and most doctors, psychologists, medical professionals, etc even deny it..still.

It can not only be a daily struggle with symptoms, mental, emotional, physical, with yourself, but also with medical professionals, and attempting to find REAL help, having people believe you, being afraid to tell anyone, a friend, a boyfriend/husband/potential lover, people at work/your boss, because of how they WILL view and treat you differently.. Like you’re a porcelain doll filled with lava that might explode all over them at any second..utterly fragile and yet volatile (beyond volatile in many eyes), and always at fault..

..and they will always be quick to BLAME the “PMDD” for everything. Whether it is not. So, you hide. That’s why most people who deal with ANY degree of mental health concerns, issues, or diseases, HIDE. Because that is all they become then. But they are not just that, they are so much more, and deserve so much more. And know you are much, much stronger. You are NOT a fragile porcelain figurine.

And..hopefully folks out..the ones that scoff, or doubt, or juggle you like that porcelain doll..all, will READ..and learn.. What PMDD is.. And even then, ask you, talk to YOU, because it truly is different for each woman, and usually different each and every month. And it takes strength beyond ANY strength they even know to function sometimes, to go to work, to be with family, to go grocery shopping, or the gym/workout, or do anything that feels “normal” at all. KNOW you are much, much stronger that PMDD, PMS, Endometriosis, or any physical or mental or emotional conditions, illness, diseases.. You are enough. So..I bite my tongue. Why.. Because.. I personally deal, and have more regularly dealt with the “physical” symptoms of it. You can also have/deal with PMS and PMDD..and more..

(..lucky me..I have both, plus endometriosis, which I’ve had 2 surgeries for..and which I still have, apparently, with a whole lotta scar tissue behind my uterus..so some of the pain might even still be from that..who knows..)

Which meant for YEARS..I didn’t even notice the PMDD, as the pain from severe bleeding, and massively painful periods over-ruled everything else.

Once I started taking a drug a few years ago now (Visanne) for the Endo (and sorta PMS), it took several years for things to “settle down”, and become clearer what symptoms were from what exactly.

I still “cycle”, but without a period, because the Visanne stopped the bleeding part..(good thing, because I was literally bleeding to death every month, bad thing..because I still cycle, but don’t really know where it is, beyond where my PMDD symptoms start and stop and fall..and I track these quite closely, so I know.. and where I know my period was from before I started the Visanne)..so I have a somewhat vague idea of what is going on for me. But stress makes it worse, and I’ve had some brutal stress in the past couple months..that has put thing into a horrendous flair of both physical pain (almost as bad as before my surgery) and mental symptoms - which have been the worst they have ever been.

Good times. As they say. So..WHY then did I decide to start to write this.. I felt it was time to speak up. To say something in support of the PMDD, & PMS & Endo women (or folks that identify as women) out there..because hardly anyone does. And because I was, I am tired of certain people’s judgements, inaccurate perceptions, without bothering to even know me, or ask me if “I’m ok”..or if I needed help, or people who have pretended to care, or give a damn about “mental health”, but really don’t. Because their actions don’t match their words. And it became even more important this week..as I had to briefly stop writing, and wasn’t sure IF I’d finish..because of the deaths in the “celebrity” realms.. And then I realized, it was more relevant than ever to “finish”..

and share. Because MOST people that face mental health issues are NOT celebrities. They are just regular everyday average people. And when they die by suicide, it’s not all over the news, it rarely even gets a mention in a local paper, yet there are 1000′s of people, not celebrities at risk everyday. And because I had someone be so utterly UNkind to me.

(..more about that below..2 examples in fact)

And I knew I had to be better than that..

So..I bite my tongue.

Why..

Because.. Because..as the saying goes.. “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.”

Or some variation, or order of that. It doesn’t matter. Just be kind. So..yet. I demonstrate unimaginable restraint.

Most the time. I speak my mind, I speak my truth, always with kindness And IF I’m really a bitch, I know it. I own it. And I apologize. Every time. And they are UNkind.

The other..funny..but not in a “hahaha” kinda way..thing is..

I can remember the times that people have been...UNkind.

In those moments of my own struggles. MUCH more vividly than I can recall any moments of kindness.. So it matters. Being UNkind is like handing someone a razor, that they will play over and over again in their mind, shredding and finding the holes in the logic to live..in a place that is already shredded and feeling tattered beyond repair. So be kind. (Or just stay away. Being UNkind is worse). So it matters. Every. Single. Time.

It REALLY matters when people make an effort.

Also..I have to sadly speak to this.. As there are people out there who *CLAIM* to be “mental health advocates”, but are actually the worst..but when someone reaches out, they are rude, dismissive, or simply don’t respond.

At all.

So they are liars..they do the “mental health” thing, posting about it on their social media for show..for RT’s, to feed ego, or whatever other reasons..than the real ones. I had an horrid experience with a woman named Stephanie..last year.

IF you read her twitter feed..

OY..This is one disillusioned, dishonest person..

She claims to be a Ph.D..but of course, the Uni she went to suddenly has no record of it..and other stuff..SMH. I might have believed her, if not for the way she acted in private, and how she clearly and blatantly manipulates people to attempt to get them to feel sorry for her.

She claims to be a part of the “#SickNOTweak” team, but a few CRITICAL times last year, when I reached out to her, she blew me off, was beyond incredibly rude in her responses on Facebook (we had been “friends”), and then she randomly flipped out on me and blocked me. Probably because I started to see through her lies, the inconsistencies, and I started to ask some questions, and call her on things.

Perhaps her own mental health issues are far worse..I attempted/still attempt to be sympathetic, but not when someone is lying.

I hope no one else gets taken in by her..but she uses “celebrity” names to prop up her stories, and name drops and tags them to garner attention and perceived support.

I mention her/that situation only because when I was REALLY struggling last year, she was beyond decimating to me.

There is nothing quite as awful as reaching out to someone who claims to be a mental health supporter, advocate and “understanding”, and have them use that information against you, gaslight you, and in that time-frame, it was quite a shock. I actually came really close at that time to taking my own life, to be struggling, ask for help, and have someone be so dismissive. I know now, who she is, how fake it all is, and it doesn’t impact me. Not any more. And it is interesting to find out your/MY own strength, in moments like that.

I got through those moments, because of me. And I only mention here, because is it hard enough to reach out, it is hard enough to know who to trust with a deeply scary part of yourself, a part of your psyche, to hand yourself over so vulnerable to someone, and have them be so awful, and dismissive, and actually down-right cruel. And because others have told me of times they have reached out, to different people, and have had similar, dismissive, or judgemental experiences. The saddest thing, is people REALLY struggle to reach out.

And usually don’t at all. I want to make sure they do it with the right people, someone who will reach back..(so I can and will share in private who this person is, if you feel you have been taken in and manipulated by her, as I don’t want anyone else to be hurt by her lies..) I will post a list of professional contacts at the end, as I recommend that more that anything else now.

The other person..

..hard to say. I’ve essentially given up hope that they’ll be decent. They have been deeply, hurtful, impactful when I’ve struggled though.. As I can hear their words, sometimes, mean, sometimes mocking, sometimes cruel, sometimes just disconnected, uncaring and vague.

Someone who claims to be a “friend”, but has never acted like a friend.

Who has been awful, and dismissive.

That person that ALWAYS thinks the worst of me, or any message I send.

Reactionary, and angry..and always blaming me, and turning it around on me, instead of taking any ownership of their actions.

Instead of believing that I always speaking from a place of kindness, and curiosity, and genuineness.

But I guess if someone pretends to be genuine, & they are lacking in it, in some way..

When faced with someone who is..genuine, they’d be threatened, as they know I see through the BULLSHIT and masks.

That person that claims to “not judge”, but is the most judgemental person I’ve ever encountered..

or maybe they just treat only me that shitty..

..it seems so.

That person that called me a “categorical liar”, when I simply asked an honest question.

And many other things I’m not at liberty to share. (..or who this is unfortunately..I can confirm/deny if directly guessed, that is it). So..WHY do I share this then..? What I do know..despite my own experiences of encountering some distrustful, hurtful people out there, is TRUST YOURSELF. Even if you struggle with any kind of mental health diseases, illness, issues, or concerns, there is always a part of you that CAN find a way through to light. Even if it’s what I had to do, which was just not die, only because doing so would stick it in the eye of those that abandoned me and didn’t help, when my requests for help were out there and real. And I can say, in truth, that I am here to help, or to at least point you in the direction of help, if what you face is beyond my scope. Sometimes ALL it takes is someone listening, someone who responded to you when you struggled, someone making just a tiny effort that makes the difference in someone’s life.

As to the person I addressed at the start..

From what I’ve seen..and my eyes are even more open now..everyday, I don’t believe you do care. Despite what you say. Your actions will have to speak louder than your lack of words. And there are neither, so..

IF it ever happens, it comes from you. For me to believe again.

But I am here.

Because I fought for me. Because you never did. I will fight for me. I will fight for anyone that needs that reminder to stay alive.

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.” ― Mark Twain

RESOURCES AND CONTACT LINES: Canadian Suicide Prevention Line: 1-833-456-4566 Website: suicideprevention.ca (VERY oddly, this site was “offline” when I visited it to confirm the link, hopefully it’s fixed by the time anyone - not like 3am isn’t a critical time for it to be online or anything - needs to access it). Direct link for local/provincial numbers: http://bit.ly/2sSBZiL (US)/National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 (US:1-800-273-TALK) UK: 116 123 Australia: 13 11 14 AND..this one gets a graphic too..as I know of so many transgender folk that have struggled with suicide just because of who they are, or gender dysphoria. Canada: 1-877-330-6366 US: 1-877-565-8860

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