#ji ung makes ung feel less lonely

[goyurim]

i was just talking about this with @dreamylehar (thank you for highlighting it in this post because it really got me thinking) with regards to how similar of a background both ung and ji ung come from but the way they perceive themselves and the world around them makes all the difference in how they live it

with the recent reveal we found out that ung’s parents are in fact not his biological but his adoptive parents and no matter how much they shower him with love and affection, it doesn’t take away from the fact that he is traumatised by the vivid memory of his biological dad abandoning him in the middle of the street as a kid. this really puts things in perspective because we’ve known since the beginning that ji ung was also abandoned as a kid and watching the story from his eyes at the start, i felt his loneliness and pain, thinking that ung never had to worry about what it feels like to be unwanted, growing up with such loving parents and all.

and though the loneliness in ung’s eyes is what initially pulls ji ung towards him, it feels like ji ung is simply projecting his own pain onto ung in an attempt to deal with it. which becomes his default way of dealing with his trauma, outwardly pretending like ung is just as lonesome as he is, so he doesn’t have to face the reality of himself being a charity case, constantly patronised by ung and his parents. but that internal guilt clashes with his outward unfazed facade a lot, as his automatic response to people who make him react emotionally is avoiding them completely. he cannot bring himself to have a decent conversation with his mother, he tries to constantly hide his feelings for yeon su, he even hates the head writer for constructively criticising his professional work because listening to her means confronting his internal battles.

and when you have a screwed up sense of self, you blame yourself for the things that happened to you, and blame others for things you’re doing to them. it wasn’t ji ung’s fault that his mother couldn’t love and care for him in the way he deserved. it is his fault for the way he treats the people in his life who love and care for him right now though. and you can see that stable self identity is possible even with such a traumatic childhood memory, with ung. he too was abandoned, but he doesn’t blame himself for not being good enough, and rightfully so because why should a child feel like they’re in the wrong when they’re clearly being wronged? and so he accepts the love his adoptive parents give him, and grows up to be kind and honest with himself as well as with the people he loves. because when you feel gratitude instead of guilt for your blessings in life, it allows you to give out as much love to the world as you’ve received.

ung is so much more resilient than ji ung is, and allows ji ung to emotionally rely on him without having to feel like a burden. ung listens to him and understands him when he needs to vent about his mother, but doesn’t give into his invitation to fight when ji ung drunkenly provokes him about his unaddressed hidden feelings for yeon su. it’s ung’s unyielding kindness and maturity that eventually pushes ji ung to address his own flaws and actively try to become a better person.

#our beloved summer #ung's zero bullshit tolerance policy comes with so much kindness and love #ji ung needed someone like him so bad to grow up sane #and ung had someone to always relate to with his abandonment issues #without ever having to directly discuss them #ji ung makes ung feel less lonely #and ung makes ji ung a better person #soulmates!!! these two!!!!! #moon talks