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#just pointless. i'm thankful i have a strong support system rn cuz genuinely i don't know what i'd do if i didn't like
wrecking
·
8 months
Text
edit: i ended up just ranting abt like the current vibe™ in the tags... sorry abt that but like also whatever i don't care anymore
#d
#my food therapist really said the most real thing on planet earth when she said i'm meeting me at the same time everyone else is
#i feel like a cringey overzealous emotionally dumb teenager who's a total embarrassment to everyone around me while i'm trying 2 say fuck i
#cuz like this is the first time in my entire life i feel like i get to actually explore my identity and do like normal young people things
#and i feel just. so so exposed in the sense that everyone is watching me make a fool of myself without a single shred of self-awareness
#and it makes me so fucking mad cuz like i'm finally happy with myself!! i'm finally starting to feel like a fully formed person
#instead of a 2d projection or an object or something monstrous hiding in the shadows because that's how i've spent until now imo
#and like. it's hard to emotionally make peace with the fact things in my social life are changing because like. there's some part of me
#that thinks that maybe if i stayed in that miserable place that maybe i wouldn't have any of the problems i have now
#and like my life is a lot better. and i know that and i wouldn't change a thing. but like emotionally i guess i'm just
#processing it as a fault of mine to have changed bc it's changing my relationships to others
#and this isn't about any one specific thing like i've been having lots of small growing pains with a lot of ppl in my life rn i just am lik
#there's a lot happening to me rn emotionally so i feel like everything i do is a fuckup and i'm just bracing for more people to go ig
#which might happen or it might not and tbh either is ok at this point. i need to do this in order to live i think
#idk why i'm even rambling about this i just have a lot of thoughts and i want to share them i guess. not like it does anything but like
#what else is this app for at this point lmfao i barely even want to talk on here anymore because i feel like everything i say on here is
#just pointless. i'm thankful i have a strong support system rn cuz genuinely i don't know what i'd do if i didn't like
#i feel like everything is so much more emotionally Big to me on E and it's kind of hard trying to figure out how to manage it
#like i'm basically finally getting to be me. for worse AND for better. and i just am like. insecure on some level i guess
#not even over my appearance tbh i've kinda made peace with that. moreso my personality and what things i share with others
#this whole post is so wholly unnecessary but i feel like i'm going to go insane if i don't get this out of my head
#i've genuinely been avoiding talking about my emotions or my private life on here because i don't exactly feel safe on here anymore
#which is like great. love it when my primary outlet for like. socially interacting with people casually gets compromised i love it
#i literally softblocked like 30 ppl off of here so i could talk abt my weird sex stuff and my body and my deeper thoughts with ppl i trust
#and then i still am too conscious about it! this always happens when i make a blog for myself to talk on
#maybe i'm just not meant for talking abt things
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