#just wanted to put my thoutghts out

[love-my-rat-boys]

Today i had a lot of time to think. Like, really think

The only person i usually talk to got a day off emotionally today, so i decided go take also a time off and draw and plan out some project i want to work in!

After some time i got bored, so i just... turned it all off and sat back thinking

I thought about death, about life, how i have been felling and doing and honestly? I think its one of the first time i have looked back with any sort of regret.

Not for something in specific, but just felling lime everything i have gone trought until this moment was, in the end, worthless.

When my time comes, it will come abruptly. No shiny light, no fire hammering, just nonexistence. Until we are nothing but a carbor Mark on some rock, all the memories i jave gathered, everything i have said, done or conquered, doomed to be forgotten because i have not acomplished anything that Society deemed worth remebering.

The simple idea of the True end, when ill just disappear and be gone forever fill me with such fear, and gets me thinking what even is the point?

If we are all doomed to forget, why do things? Why get up and like, meet friends, get with loved ones?

And i always remember my own characters in these moments. Almost every existencial dread i had, they have already passed trought and got over it. On this particular case, one of my characters discovered that they are, in fact, a simple fraction of my imagination, and theres nothing after they die, and everything could disappear any second.

They of course freaked out, and made the same question as me "whats the point?"

And eventually, they got to the answear. There is no point

No point into prpving yourself to anything or anyone, because in the end, no one gives a fuck wheather you make something or not

Hell, you could live in a cave for your whole life; and id never know. But you would know, and yiu would be able to recount and, i hope that, youre happy with this life choice.

Because in your death bed, the person that is guaranteed to be there, is yourself

Wouldnt it be nicer to just live a happy life regardless of what? Wanna party? Go party. Wanna go on trips? Go for it

Happiness and fear is always with us, but i wont let it take over my life and make me scared of the end

If im gonna fall baby, im gonna fall like a fucking bomb

#dunno if it made sense #just wanted to put my thoutghts out