#kai is literally always serving. thank u king

[girlbookwrm]

A New Year’s Thor

THE MIGHTY ENDGAME REWATCH CONTINUES WITH KENNETH BRANAGH’S thor

How did I spend New Year’s? Continuing our mighty pre-endgame rewatch with The Roommate ( @goteamwin ) and The Gal Pal ( @pegasuschick ). We’re watching Thor, the Kenneth Branagh-i-est of the Marvel Movies.

Note: We were all. Very Drunk. 

“You know what’s worked great in all our movies so far? TIME JUMPS!” - every early marvel film.

right away I comment to The Roommate: What is up with all these angled shots? 

The Roommate, a video editor and producer: Actually that’s called a canted shot.

Me, mere moments later: not a lot of shots in this that AREN’T canted, are there.

seriously, watch this movie. If I made note of every canted shot, these rewatch notes would be 90% CANT.

Stellan Skarsgard here bringing the Nord, and Natalie Portman bringing the... wait how the hell did they get Natalie Portman in-- oh right. Kenneth Branagh directed this.

hey it’s Tonsberg! like from CATFA! Neat!

listen there are too many blue cubes in marvel. This was super fucking confusing when I was wee and not yet obsessively into Marvel. There’s the Casket (which the frost giants use) and then there’s the Tesseract (which is different? but also blue??) and let it be known that in the comics there is ALSO the cosmic cube which is NEITHER of those things but the roommate initially called both the Casket and the Tesseract the Cosmic Cube, because -- as was previously mentioned -- this is super fucking confusing.

Let it be known that the Roommate, when quite young, went to see this movie in theaters with her very first boyfriend on her very first date.

The Roommate, Way Back When: So... they’re gods? like? the norse gods?

The Roommate’s Very First Boyfriend: They’re actually aliens.

The Roommate, Now: He was wildly underexplaining this.

what actually is this ceremony? what does it accomplish?

Tom Hiddleston has said nothing yet, but he has said So Much. Also, 

The Roommate: Who is that  lovely woman in the horned helmet? Loki has a beautiful woman’s face.

The Gal Pal: He does make a beautiful mare. The MOST beautiful mare, in fact.

She is Not Wrong.

thank god someone saved us from Malibu Thor here, he is Too Blonde

“I, Odin Allfather, Proclaim you the Frost Giants.” 

this must have been so confusing for all the Asgardians here.

Oh hey it’s Sif and What’s His Face and That Other Guy and F...

farrrr...

franduil?

fan... dis?

AT THIS POINT WE HIT MIDNIGHT WHILE IDRIS ELBA WARNED US TO BE CAREFUL IN THE COLD WASTES OF JOTUNHEIM

FANDRAL!

fandral is his name.

At this point, while the fighting was going on, we got a lil side tracked talking about the movie in general.

The Roommate: It’s like the Temptation of Thor. Christ spent 40 days in the desert, Thor spends 48 hours in New Mexico.

The Gal Pal: Are you saying Thor is better at this than Jesus?

The Roommate: No, I’m saying he’s half-baked.

This is the first time Thor flies with the hammer and all i could think was “oh my god the hammer pulled you off???”

Dear Anthony Hopkins, what are your acting choices?

Anthony Hopkins: HUARGH!!!!!

aaaaaand thirty minutes in, we’re finally back to the beginning.

“Yes I did” Darcy is a T R E A S U R E

So much of this movie is Thor becoming unconscious. bless.

C A N T

All men (with a few odd token women), grilling, pickup trucks, literal “hold my beer” -- u s a, U S A, U! S! A!

pooter!

Hey! Phil is here!

aw yissss thor with no shirt -- sidenote: he’s definitely freeballing it here, right? I mean there’s no way he’s wearing underwear under those jeans. Doesn’t that chafe on his little hammer?

Let’s all agree that right up until he goes way off the deep end, Loki is 10000% not wrong about any of this. Thor was definitely not ready to be king, he was an idiot. and also, I was never much of a Loki fan, personally, but Loki’s having a real bad day. 

Grows up being told that he was destined to be a king, but there’s only one throne --> has to watch his idiot brother get ?crowned? --> decides to play a prank (who wouldn’t, right?) --> fRoSt GIaNt???????? --> BRoTHerR BAnISHedD????????? --> FROST GIANT???????? --> ODINSLEEP?????????? --> KING NOW?????????? BUT FROST GIANT STILL??????????????

Loki and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

And seriously, what was Odin’s plan here? “I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day, and I’d just pepper in the fact that you’re a frost giant and I kidnapped you and you’d be totally cool with it.”

Odin Allfather: A+ parenting, Literal baby snatcher.

THIS DRINK! I LIKE IT! ANOTHER!

The Roommate: I love that Jane’s motivation isn’t really to get with Thor, it’s to get with SCIENCE.

Sometimes I forget that this is actually a funny movie, but they just had no idea how to handle the comedy in it? like, they had a comedy script and they just filmed it like a straight drama/action movie for some reason.

“A pioneer in gamma radiation” Is that bruce???

follow up: yes. Yes it is Bruce.

The canting here is Very Cant.

What time of year is it in NM that everyone is wearing this many layers.

Thor being all: “I know ur midgardian but I’d tap that.”

Jane Foster: Brilliant Scientist, Menace on the Road.

Why. Why is the SHIELD site set up like this.

What purpose does it serve

why.

W H Y.

(subnote, we investigated this afterwords and apparently it’s designed to look like a sigil of the word SHIELD, like all the letters smooshed on top of each other but also IT IS NOT and also also THAT IS DUMB AS FUCK.)

(though grudgingly, i admit, thematically appropriate given the overall norse-ness of this movie.)

(STILL FUCKING STUPID)

sitwell!

What is causing this rain?

The Roommate: Because, like everything else from Asgard, Meu-myeh is Extra™

Hey it’s Hawkguy!

Side side note, I am pretty sure that I also went to see this movie with my very first boyfriend and he got super excited about Hawkeye like “omg it’s clint and he has a bow and he’s so fucking cool omg omg omg!” and i was just like “????? kay? but he passed over all those obviously superior guns and then he does literally nothing tho????”

fast forward and the first comic i bought for myself was Matt Fraction’s Hawkeye

aaaaand I’m dating a woman now.

Honestly cannot tell if windy or cant

H U A R G H ! ! ! !

I really want to go into the roommate’s Benedict Cumberbatch Upgrade Theory of Tom Hiddleston but also this is getting super long and honestly she’s so right it deserves its own post

nah I’m gonna

The theory goes like this: Bandersnatch Cucumberpatch is an alien scout sent to learn our ways and gain influence in our culture, but he’s like, the first draft. They weren’t really sure what a human was supposed to look like. 

Tom Hiddleston is Model 2.0

Tom Hiddleston is the upgraded Benedict Cumberbatch

The roommate explained this to me and I just looked at her sidelong for a looooooooong minute and said: u sure u want me to put this on the internet? r u sure??

“You have great power, Heimdall”

The Gal Pal: yeah, ur the only black man is Asgard.

“hit you with my car” WAIT IS ALL THOR’S CHARACTER GROWTH THE RESULT OF TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY?

*CANT INTENSIFIES*

Thor: I’m just a man. Just a very tall, very handsome, VERY buff man.

wouldn’t it have been AMAZING if Jane had caught the hammer instead? I mean? WOULDN’T THAT HAVE BEEN FUCKING AWESOME????

Frigga: She Did Her Best, But She Still Raised The Two Dumbest Boys In the Nine Realms.

Despite my earlier statements, Loki definitely does end his day with attempted fratricide, successful patricide, and questionably successful genocide so.

“Is it madness? Is it? IS IT???”

The Roommate: I mean. Yeah, buddy.

At this point, Thor has No Idea what the fuck is going on. he doesn’t know Loki’s a frost giant.

ORRRR he does know, because everyone knew, everyone but Loki always knew.

Odin: *WAKES UP* WTF ARE MY SONS DOING?

“no loki” ODIN WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK DUDE

“you’ve already made me proud” literally all you had to do was say that to your other son one (1) time.

wait is this a foo fighters song???

#the mighty pre endgame rewatch #thor