#like I've to change and get better so you are getting the 'dreamwife' you perfected in your brain

[myheartxmyman]

Right now I feel so old and sad at the same time. Those feelings are so strong I feel paralyzed and slow.

#right now it's all too much #got so many problems and they are going round in circles through my mind-uncontrollably #my mind jumps from one painful thought over to the next and all I currently manage to do is stay calm #endure this vicious cycle of traumatic events #and stop myself from screaming #I am calm I do endure and I suffer #maybe in a bit I will help myself out of this situation I am currently trapped in #right now calming myself down despite of all those things is hard enough #tonight I am drowning in waves of heart wrenching and soul crushing sadness #after a good night of sleep everything is gonna be a bit better I am sure of that #currently I am fighting I am crying I am breaking; but that's alright #when I endure feelings like this now then I don't have to endure them on another time #Life is an up and down #it will get better again #I remember the years when I got so depressed or whatever it was that I felt like everything just got worse and worse and worse #that's one of the things I feel sad about currently I am not doing well at all but nevertheless I KNOW there are gonna be better happier #lighter times #that's a huge step in personal growth and I did it on my own #I am slowly healing myself #I am changing #I am evolving #I am slowly getting better #and it hurt me a lot last year that you didn't acknowledge mile stones I reached all by myself you didn't see me as me #it felt like you looked at me with what you wanted to see and then you blamed me for not being that version of your #as you also mentioned 'dreamwife' #you also put me under pressure with saying things like that it made me feel like I am not good enough #like you are looking down on me #like I've to change and get better so you are getting the 'dreamwife' you perfected in your brain #I mean how old are you? #also you said things that forbid me grieving over the loss of my father and Louis