#like dont get me wrong i like feeling smart compared to a layman but ive never been confident in my knowledge enough to flaunt it

[nilti-luck]

Day 18-20

Oop

Its been a few huh 😓 I would say Ive been busy but that would be false

Dealing with some judgement from peers, for not being as career focused as they are all the time. I just don’t wanna job search during class im sorry. Or at all. Cause job searching sucks. And idk i should really stop telling people my plans cause that just gives more judgment, like i shouldnt be enjoying myself cause im supposed to be prepping for a career :/

It wasnt anything bad its more just i told a groupmate that i was gonna go home and play minecraft and she just kind looked at me funny and said she was gonna study which… what tf are you studyin right now, school started two days ago.

But i did build a bunch in minecraft! Started on the basement wine cellar, and did a bunch of exploring for the new modded seeds!

And im drawing again! I really wish i knew how to draw people but im gonna wing it till i make it

I wanna write more as well but im still feelin down about the whole perceived judgement about not doing career/academic focused things in my free time. Idk ive never felt the want to spend all my time on something i have to do to survive. Like i know im going into a rigorous field and finding a career might be difficult but agh, im so nervous about it. No one has anything positive to say only horror stories about why they wont hire you. I just want a quiet job monitoring satellites or work on a big telescope is that too much to ask

#Nilti’s Resolution #bit of a downer this one but im in a downed mood so shrug #i also feel this ever present pressure to present myself as an intelligent individual and #i sometimes wish i picked a less high brow major so i would be given the grace of being a bit dumb sometimes #like dont get me wrong i like feeling smart compared to a layman but ive never been confident in my knowledge enough to flaunt it #much less when ive been surrounded by peers who seem smarter than me all the time #for the past 6 years at least