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#like i cant tell you how many times a day my brain does the equivalent of ramming a bowl of smelling salts under my nose
theoldaeroplane · 6 months
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(pawing through the Hallmark cards) (muttering) where's the "i scored over my dr's diagnostic criteria for PTSD" section?
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letstalksymphogear · 5 years
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Symphogear, EP. 2
Last time, on Symphogear!
An adorable little girl, stood up by her date for a reasonable explanation, jams it out with her favorite pop duo, caught unawares that they are also a monster-fighting syndicate experimenting with the power of sound (the power to make you dizzy) to activate an ancient historical relic. Shit goes south as the jams prove to be too powerful, guaranteeing tragedy amidst an otherwise baller concert. Hibiki is rescued by The Bigger Of The Lesbians before she self-destructs to make sure the entire threat is neutralized, leaving The Smaller Lesbian sad, yet still incredibly gay. Years pass as our protagonist goes to Music School, for Music, to bunk it up with her girlfriend as she tries to figure out what the hell happened. Her prayers are answered when she tries to rescue a little girl and is promptly cornered, activating the same outfit The Bigger Lesbian that saved her had on. Gungnir Dattos all around, The Smaller Lesbian loses her shit as everything goes downhill from there.
Now, where were we?
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...right. The piss beacon.
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And the person taking the piss.
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Hibiki has nary a clue what to do. Symphogears don’t actually come with manuals, you see. They’re sort of a “close your eyes and wing it” kind of experience. In Tsubasa’s case, it’s quite literal.
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“FUCK that was COOL AS SHIT, tight as FUCKING HELL”
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Take pity on this face. This is the face of someone who’s last memories will be a confused lady wondering why she is suddenly part machine.
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“imma save you widdle kid”
Something to note about this show is that all the fighters sing while fighting. Hibiki is no exception, even after being confused about what the hell she’s doing. It helps that her voice actress is a professional singer.
It helps that every voice actress here is some sort of professional singer.
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This picture basically summarizes why Hibiki is cool despite being so goddamned dumb. She’s angry, and she’s gonna protect some kids even if she dies doing it. Kanade would be proud, if she wasn’t too busy being dead.
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No shit!
Have you ever watched the original Sam Reimi’s Spiderman? Like, the very first one? You know all those awkward scenes about Spiderman learning how his powers work? Hibiki basically does that under crunch time. There’s a long segment about how she’s forced to figure things out while protecting a kid and Not Dying.
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It’s going pretty great.
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I can’t believe she’s secretly Steve Urkel.
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“cannot FUCKING believe that girl my girlfriend saved managed to GET HER HANDS on her FUCKING CLOTHES that I WANTED to ENSHRINE IN A MEMORIAL to her how the FUCK did she do that cant BELIEVE i have to SAVE HER IDIOT ASS because she just CANT EVEN DO THAT-”
Tsubasa, preparing herself as a contender for the World’s Angriest Lesbian, barrels through the Noise in her motorcycle...
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...which she smashes directly into the Noise. It does nothing.
Tsubasa has many a motorcycle to smash. It’s a testament to her dedication following her aesthetic.
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She fueled the tank completely before smashing it in.
Tsubasa... is petty.
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As Tsubasa t-poses to assert dominance (a woman ahead of her time, this first aired in 2012), she comes down ready to kick some ass and vent some frustrations. And frankly? She’s all out of ass.
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“oh my god she’s even hotter up close i cant believe it”
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“fucking knock-off outfit looks like it came out of a bootleg flea market”
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You don’t need to know what happens next, because you already know what happens when someone shows up with a fucking sword ready to sing about their dead girlfriend and the conflicting feelings about seeing her armor pop up again on someone else.
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Murder.
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Lots... and lots... of murder.
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“we’re so fucking useless why do we even exist”
After Tsubasa finishes what could only be described as a massacre, we’re treated to how people clean up the aftermath.
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“hey, you know, make fun of me all you want, but at the end of the day, im the one holding the vacuum cleaner, and you’re literally turned to dust, so”
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Even this little girl knows shit’s about the go down. Got the tea and everything.
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This is one of the minor characters of the series. She works for the 2nd Division. Who is the 2nd Division? You’ll find out soon.
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“i didnt die! fuck yeah. today’s a good day.”
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“OH WAIT NO-”
Hibiki learns that her outfit unsets after a while, like bideo game. Who catches her mid-fall?
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Her new best friend, of course. Don’t be fooled by this look. Tsubasa tragically suffers from resting angry face syndrome. It is, unfortunately, incurable.
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“i hate how cute she is”
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Hibiki reminds her that this is technically the second time Tsubasa has saved her, which in the large scheme of things, seems incredibly innocuous for someone who escaped a major tragedy many years ago. Unfortunately, time doesn’t move forward for Season 1 Tsubasa. Not for quite a while...
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The funny part is it doesn’t even hit her initially. She never actually saw Hibiki personally during that moment, so she actually doesn’t even have a clue what she means.
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Look at her. Look at this clown. How could you hate her. Look at that smile.
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All the survivors are always forced to write NDAs about what they saw. This grows to comical levels at times, given the scale of what happens eventually. It might as well be the world’s biggest open secret by now.
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“aight homies looks like i gotta go home, the wife’s gonna be lonely an-”
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Oh.
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“sorry holmes but you’re going to gay baby jail like the rest of us singers”
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Hibiki’s face is riddled with guilt. The guilt of someone who just saved a little girl. How dare you, Hibiki. This is what you get for doing The Right Thing.
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And so she’s taken to “jail.”
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“sorry pal but you literally turned into a huge weapon and you have no idea how to use it so!”
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And so, Hibiki was never seen again...
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Alright, so she really isn’t going to jail. She is genuinely being taken into custody, though. To be honest, this kind of handcuff procedure is sort-of ridiculous for someone who literally just saved children, and you could probably bribe her to join them with a 10 piece chicken dinner, but hey, fuck it. 2nd Division has protocols, and that is to arrest people.
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“i cant believe i was a fan of a narc all this time”
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The school has a giant elevator that goes deep into the Earth. Also, look at that symbolism. Hibiki’s the only one looking at her own reflection. Deep.
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Thanks, Tsubasa.
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The interior decorator for this elevator is wild.
Tsubasa forbodes where they’re all going as some ominous, strange, and evil place where joy and happiness die. Where good feelings and innocence are destroyed, and hope is crushed and ripped at the seams.
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As it turns out, Tsubasa is just an angsty piece of shit.
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So here’s the situation:
The 2nd Branch, which are the people in charge of poking relics until they glow with the power of music to study and harness the power of as weapons to kill the Noise, live in a several mile deep high tech basement of an all girl’s boarding school dedicated to music. This is because, for the record, that the girls recruited to this school have the habit of being a little bit attuned to these relics. Hibiki, a newly christened Gear user, is now being recruited into this organized by Genjuro.
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“i never got this kind of party when i was recruited”
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“thats because nobody liked you, hans”
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“im skipping my soaps for this”
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“fucking hate my twin brother hans”
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“she?????? gets a party??? SHE. gets a party. I DON’T GET A PARTY. SHE... GETS A PARTY? and i dont get a fucking party. i was literally BORN into this job. NOBODY gives me a damn party. this MORON who CLOWNS AROUND with her SUBPAR SONGS. gets a party. oh my god. oh my GOD. FUCK. FUCK!”
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“if this is what its like to get arrested i gotta be gayer and do more crimes”
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“I’m not actually surprised. I’m just pretending to be. I’m just really not good at pretending to be surprised.”
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“fucking hate this family, im gonna eat all of hibikis cake and cry in my room”
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Remember: This show first released in 2012. Ryoko? Trendsetter.
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Ryoko’s screen is very dirty and foggy. Don’t ask why. Don’t even remember why I pointed this out. Just forget this point completely.
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Hibiki understands that handcuffs just aren’t fashionable.
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Genjuro casually explains that they’re the fictional japanese equivalent of the NSA, all while doing magic tricks. Truly a man of many talents.
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Tsubasa is already plotting how to vent about all this in her diary, which she addresses as letters of Kanade every time she writes in it.
Genjuro and Ryoko introduces themselves as everyone else apologizes to her, except Tsubasa.
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Ogawa also intro- yes, I’m recycling a picture- introduces himself. He’s pretty cool, too, and serves as Tsubasa’s ninja bodyguard, butler, and all around mentor. We never get a backstory on him, and likely never will. It’s best to keep it that way; it only adds to the mystery of who the hell this guy is.
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“weird flex but okay”
Hibiki realizes she’s being recruited, after being told she’s being recruited. Given some brain cells remain in her head, she asks the obvious and wonders what the hell happened to her.
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“ryoko, care to explain?”
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“well, it’s simple. you’re the protagonist now.”
Ryoko, who has no sense of boundaries, subjects Hibiki to a medical inspection. As creepy as her tone is, its to inspect the state of Hibiki’s newly formed gear.
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She’s finally freed from that long winded event and returns home to her wife.
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“buddy you smell like shit. and french fries.”
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“hibiki. you’re not dead, hibiki. come on, get up. i just cleaned this floor, hibiki. hibiki, please. this is genuinely unbecoming of you. hibiki, oh my god.”
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“miku please i learned how to kick ass and im tired and please let me enjoy this nice floor”
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Tsubasa does the thing real life Symphogear and all related products never actually bother to do.
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“god she’s so gay for her but i know she’d never cheat on me so”
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Hibiki ruminates on the day she’s had. This is where the really dumb angst comes in. You see, Hibiki can’t tell anyone about what happened, and Miku, now a civilian in her eyes, cannot know about her alter ego Symphogear antics. Hibiki feels bad about this.
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“y u no trust me. y u no tell me troof. im wife.”
After a brief heart to heart Hibiki smiles and snuggles her girlfriend.
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They’re gay.
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“im gonna marry her knowing full well she’ll sleep through the ceremony. god.”
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Introducing me(us???)?
Ok no that's a terrible freaking title. We are not the jonas brothers.
Who's we? Haha honestly I'm not even sure anymore. This is a hard one to write because I literally don"t tell anyone about my "inner world" which is why I'm keeping my blog anonymous for now .
I guess I'm just a wierd human with a messed up brain that has no reason to be messed up. I'm in the process of figuring it all out .
Long story short "we" is me and my ... I'm not sure what to call them I used to think they were just imaginary freinds , but they have become something so much more real.
I remember being 5 years old and having imaginary freinds like any other child. I cant remember much but I'm pretty sure my home life was perfect. I have an amazing mum and dad and even had two grandparents at the time. I remember happiness and my cat who really wasnt a fan of me , but I adored her regardless , even if she did end up scratching the living hell out of me on many occasions. My main issue at the time was serious separation anxiety, I couldn't handle being away from my parents , it got better towards the end of the school year I think after a lot of spending most of the year screaming until my dad would pick me up. I found it hard making freinds as I was somewhat anti social and liked playing on my own often, but I found a freind in the end. I think we got on so well cause she was different too. Turned out she had Autism, something that I'll probably talk about a lot here. Anyway as I said back then was when I first remember having imaginary freinds , and constantly daydreaming . I used to watch my dad play video games a lot so a lot of my daydreams would be based off the video games . At the time It was perfectly fine. I was just a strange kid who had an over active imagination, zoned out a lot in school , and often enjoyed my own company, but couldn't understand why my peers didnt like the antisocial wierd kid. I remember getting teased as I have a harmless autoimmune skin condition that I developed aged 3 and I felt alienated for it . The serious bullying didnt start until later in primary school though .(I think age 11 or thereabouts, was when shit really hit the fan) Anyway the imaginary freinds were originally just that . Unfortunately things changed when my one freind from school left and moved across the country. I had no freinds so that's where I began to use my imaginary freinds to replace real people. By the time I was 13 I'd almost completely isolated myself , I didnt know how to interact with real people.
I eventually thought I'd got it all under control . I found a group of people that were all a bit wierd. Originally it was cool and I fit in okay.
When I went to sixth form college, stuff started to get weirder though. I'd been struggling throughout secondary school I'd spent a lot of time kind of going back into my alternate reality . Even at freinds parties I used to pretend that I was a different person in my alternate reality doing something with my inner world family. I mentioned it once or twice to someone at CAHMS (The british child mental health services) that I was seeing as I'd struggled a lot with anxiety and self harm , but I never wanted to be fully honest about it . I was embarrassed.
Aged 12 I remember "pretending" to be a character called Casey. At the time I was spending a lot of time pretending I was Kasey and I was making a talk show with my other imaginary freinds . Eventually another character called Paulie took Casey's place .
Paulie's whole existence is kinda embarrassing. They're a typical queer cringe OC That you know a 14 year old neurodivergent weirdo would make up. I kind of originally used them as a way to explore my special interests. And to understand things about the world . In many ways Paulie was kind of a reflection of myself and you know everything was fine . Paulie is a 5ft7 young non binary person . Born male but definitely presents more feminine. Some of the other details about them came from me incorporating things I'd learned from various medical documentaries and things I'd researched on the internet. (One of my special interests always was science , particularly biology, when I was young I wanted to be either a doctor or a vet or something like that. I dont know why I find it so fascinating. It's kind of my party trick - boring people with the details of a random medical condition that they absolutely did not ask for.) I'll go into full details at some point . I find it kind of embarrassing to talk about it all.
Anyway It used to be great we used to pretend to do makeup on our youtube channel that of course did not exist .(the deeper I get into this the more I want to delete my life) it became to the point where I was doing daily "vlogs" in the inner world as Paul , again just something I day dreamed about. It was getting beyond the limits of normal daydreaming.
At some point I came across a video about "Maladaptive daydreaming " for once in my life I didnt feel quite so alone. I couldn't believe that I wasnt the only one who did this! Ever since then I've toyed with the idea of opening up about it , maybe through some sort of blog or youtube video etc. However, I wasn't ready until now. I'm still not ready to be completely open with my freinds and family (the one person who even knows 1/3 of this stuff is my mum) which is why I'll remain anonymous for now .
In the last 2 years things have gotten increasingly more strange and confusing. When I was in sixth form college (british equivalent of high school) Paulie started to be kind of phased out of my daydreams. Then Eric showed up.
Again , it was just daydreaming that had gone a bit too far at this point, however I soon realised that my personality appeared to have changed to become much more like Eric. I stopped wearing makeup so often. I began to feel dysphoric about my body , I began to wish I was Eric.
From then it's just been confusing. It's never just been Paul , Casey or Eric . At first i thought I'd just made an imaginary family. I've been saying that I have literally no idea why because my family are great. But I wonder if it was because I lost my nan and then metaphorically lost my dad.
My dads not dead , hes alive (just about I mean he smokes like a chimney so it's probably only a matter of time) Our relationship is so wierd. I try to be grateful for him purely because hes not a completely bad person. He gave me a great childhood and has never laid a finger on me. But when I was about 13 , I lost him. He became self absorbed in his own past.
Around about that time one of my dads ex freinds died. Since then dads been remembering things from his past and is convinced that this ex freind emotionally abused him and traumatised him for life.
Hes told me the stories so many times because hes so caught up in it that I should probably remember more of what he told me but honestly I think after the third time I just gave up with talking to him. Dad never cares about what you're talking about . He only cares about himself.
I'll spare you the details for now. Maybe I'll make a post about it. I suppose that's his shit not mine though . I dont deny that his ex freind wasnt exactly nice to him and cheated him out of a relationship. But I just feel like he should maybe you know go to therapy rather than sitting at home , freeloading from my mum , mumbling to himself all day about things that happened in the past.
Its very selfish of me because I know even though dads not exactly had the worst life, and he is a little bit of a narcissist who thinks that hes had the worst life possible , I know hes hurting. But I used to have a dad , now hes just not there. We used to do stuff , and I used to adore him, However hes just not my dad anymore. Theres glimmers of him there . But hes so entangled with the past , (and also a bit delusional) that I cant have a normal father daughter relationship with him anymore.
I guess maybe the combo of that , the strain its put on my parents marriage (they're still together but they argue more now) and the fact that I'm a sensitive little snowflake who really cant deal with anything unpleasant, is the reason I created my imaginary family. I don't know if I want to put it down to that though. I feel like that makes me sound like my dad , blaming my problems on what feels like insignificant past events.
Anyway. I kind of hate the fact that I have another family on the inner world. Because even though my dads a bit of an asshat , hes my dad and as a multitude of people have told me " at least you have a dad , at least your parents are still together" and I adore my mum. Like shes as close to a perfect mum as you get in this world. Of course she has off days and it's not always sunshine and rainbows , but shes amazing. She loves me , she supports me through everything and she does so much for me. No matter how many times I screw up she just sighs and helps me move on. Mind you. I havent got anyone quite like her in the inner world.
Since I've been more honest with myself (and the boys) about the fact that I am in fact daydreaming and its not real , the boys have begun to accept my mum as their own almost. Obviously they have real mums, but I know they love her to pieces.
Anyway, so this big imaginary family. Has become more than that. A lot of the dudes are still just imaginary freinds but with a few of the boys , whom I've introduced you to two out of the three, have become scarily real. Eric is the main one. The last couple of years it's progressed to the point where sometimes , I'm not sure if I am me or if I am Eric , or if Eric is me. Sometimes I feel like I'm thinking in his voice. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see him. And sometimes he looks in the mirror and sees me. I think as Paul was so feminine. It didn't show so much. We could just pretend we were me on the outside. But when Eric is in my headspace, I hate my feminine body, I've bought a binder and my wardrobe is becoming less feminine. Because I just dont feel like the same person. I'm honestly so confused I really dont know what is going on or why it's happening.
In some ways the inner world is still just me navigating the world and my way of making sense of things. But it's also kind of like , parts of my personality, as little people that live in my brain , but not quite , I cannot begin to explain it .
And then of course, just when I'm trying to figure out the Eric saga and who the hell I even am anymore, Vlad pops up.
I'll always have a soft spot for Vlad. Hes Paul's older brother and has been in the inner world for quite some time , but has been more I suppose, in my headspace as I call it in the last six months or so. Hes the only one that I've managed to do a successful drawing of thus far although I'll try and do some of the other dudes at some point. Only issue is Vlad would much rather we doodle bugs than the other boys. Vlad has been my way of exploring the whole prospect of having Autism , I'm not diagnosed yet as the waiting lists are frankly ridiculous (yay for the tories?) but I've based vlads character around the traits that I have, and he helps me not be so ashamed of being neurodivergent. He also kind of helps me deal with my Emetophobia (the fear of vomiting) and my issues I have around food - which I honestly thought weren't that bad until I got told that the issues I've been having with my stomach and swallowing for the last year , are completely down to my anxiety. And it was at that point that I realised I may have been a teensy bit more traumatised by my phobia of vomiting than I originally believed. In fact vlads backstory is based off of my whole fear of being sick and what started it off (that time the norovirus kicked my ass, big time) .
Uhh so theres a bit about us . I'm not ready to fully open up yet . I want to eventually tell you more about the inner world but baby steps hey. I plan on trying to post more but , I'm useless so I wouldn't count on it.
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lisablack000 · 5 years
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How do we recognize when people have been hypnotized?
Unfortunately, its not easy to see physically. AND THAT IS THE FIRST CLUE.
The stereotypical or Hollywood idea of a hypnotized person looks like someone in a daze, close to the cartoony screened version with swirling eyes. But no, that isn't realistic. These people look just like the rest of us.
What we really need in order to recognize them, is to know the real news of things, becoming conscious of the truly important matters that effect our lives, those dangers that keep creeping into our social sphere, the ones that have been for a long time, the ill plans and conspiracies of a tiny few that wreak havoc on the many.
Because...
The math never adds up when you look at the sheer numbers.
How do so few people keep prospering while We The People, the overwhelming many, continue to devolve? Its certainly not our conscious will is it? We don't want less freedom, less morality, less logic and reason, increased social confusion, do we? We have the numbers, by far, so how do we keep moving in the wrong direction? Why doesn't our will prevail over theirs?
IT IS BECAUSE THEY HAVE INCREMENTALLY ALTERED OUR SUBCONSIOUS MINDS AND ORIENTED THEM TO PRIORITIZE FANTASY OVER REALITY.
This last week of media is all the proof you need...
People are being banned from not only social media, but censored on all media like never before right now. It is the new age equivalent of book burning. This type of behavior historically has had dire consequences. Its wrong! Its evil! No one should have their right to free speech taken away.
Big Tech using every tool they have to "unperson" individuals who merely speak their mind, rather than using their own platforms in which they have all advantages to promote BETTER AND SMARTER IDEAS to crush their allegedly wrong ideas should be the way. The fact that they are just hiding them should tell you who is in the right, and who is afraid of who.
Again, if you are in the right, all you need to do is produce the better argument and echo it like mad. YOU DONT CENSOR AND HIDE PEOPLE FROM THE MASSES. The only way to kill a bad idea or thought is with a better one.
We The People should be outraged! We should all see this right now! But we don't!
We see Game of Thrones! The colors weren't right on an episode! The acting this 8th season isn't up to par! Look at what so and so wore to the MET Gala. Here is my favorite song by "insert your favorite tattoo faced idiot here". I just did a survey to find out what kind of moron I am, now you take it!
We have people finally standing up to the old world order, the one that has been falling apart right in front of you, whos very media and government agents, whos education system has been exposed by many brilliant and courageous people. AND THE VAST MAJORITY OF US ARE IGNORANT OF THEIR FIGHT!
THEY ARE FIGHTING FOR US!
Consciously, we know that shit is more important than all of the foolish shit people are talking about right now on social media, but again, these people aren't speaking from a conscious place are they?
THAT IS WHAT HYPNOTISM LOOKS LIKE! Its fucking textbook!
Its people having been taken out of their conscious power, their frontal lobes, and into their subconscious, their lower operating alpha state, their animal brain, and unfortunately living there virtually all of the time.
Its really not that hard to accomplish either in an age of passive screen media with mesmerizing idols and the science of visual and audial tones having been mastered. We have gone to shit really quick the moment we suddenly started staring into screens for hours a day.
Hypnotized is the new normal, and tyrants love that shit. They are turning this place into Satans playground while you all obsess over the images that come from screens. I mean, some of your favorite pop stars are literally doing dark occult rituals on stages, in their videos, and you people worship them in the millions. You ingest far lefthanded propaganda through media, whether shows, movies or news, that seek to keep us in fear states, adrenalized and low minded, having us beg the government for more "help" against figments of our imagination, which does nothing but grow evil.
Our founders not only knew it was crucial to have freedom of speech, but they also warned us that the government was evil. Yes, they did actually believe this. But since it was a necessary evil, it should always be under the will of the people, and kept as small as possible.
Are they under our will right now, or are we under theirs?
That evil has swollen up massively, because through mass media, it has infiltrated our minds, moving us unconsciously to support wars we never needed to be in, to pay taxes that are unconstitutional, to become slaves to banks through credit, to vote for the wrong people, to allow it to takeover free enterprise and ruin/cheapen whatever it takes over.
They take your children for 13 years! And somehow they aren't equipped enough to get a fucking good job? 13 fucking years! The quality of education keep going down! What these kids retain after 13 years, they could be taught in just one! Its not an education they are getting there. They get the education today from entertainment. What we call "education", being what allegedly happens in schools is much more sinister than you know. We put more money into education than any other country, yet we keep slipping among the world rankings. College grads are not equipped for the real world. But no one wants tot talk about this.
So much for giving a fuck about the children. Hey look, Lebron scored 40!
Could it be that they are in a mental state where they can no longer see the obvious truth right in front of them because they are not in their conscious mind?
Before television you could never get We The People to ignore the type of conditions we live in today. This shit is a nightmare for anyone who is awake. And yes, I am one of those mad people living more tuned to reality, but I fare pretty well for it.
If I can do it, why cant you?
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readbookywooks · 7 years
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'Mr who?' said Mort. 'Mr . . . your new master.' 'Oh. Him. No. No, I don't think so,' said Mort slowly. 'I don't think he's the marrying type.' 'Many a keen young man owes his advancement to his nuptials,' said Lezek. 'He does?' 'Mort, I don't think you're really listening.' 'What?' Lezek came to a halt on the frosty cobbles and spun the boy around to face him. 'You're really going to have to do better than this,' he said. 'Don't you understand, boy? If you're going to amount to anything in this world then you've got to listen. I'm your father telling you these things.' Mort looked down at his father's face. He wanted to say a lot of things: he wanted to say how much he loved him, how worried he was; he wanted to ask what his father really thought he'd just seen and heard. He wanted to say that he felt as though he stepped on a molehill and found that it was really a volcano. He wanted to ask what 'nuptials' meant. What he actually said was, 'Yes. Thank you. I'd better be going. I'll try and write you a letter.' 'There's bound to be someone passing who can read it to us,' said Lezek. 'Goodbye, Mort.' He blew his nose. 'Goodbye, dad. I'll come back to visit,' said Mort. Death coughed tactfully, although it sounded like the pistol-crack of an ancient beam full of death-watch beetle. WE HAD BETTER BE GOING, he said. HOP UP, MORT. As Mort scrambled behind the ornate silver saddle Death leaned down and shook Lezek's hand. THANK YOU, he said. 'He's a good lad at heart,' said Lezek. 'A bit dreamy, that's all. I suppose we were all young once.' Death considered this. No, he said, I DON'T THINK so. He gathered up the reins and turned the horse towards the Rim road. From his perch behind the black-robed figure Mort waved desperately. Lezek waved back. Then, as the horse and its two riders disappeared from view, he lowered his hand and looked at it. The handshake . . . it had felt strange. But, somehow, he couldn't remember exactly why. Mort listened to the clatter of stone under the horse's hooves. Then there was the soft thud of packed earth as they reached the road, and then there was nothing at all. He looked down and saw the landscape spread out below him, the night etched with moonlight silver. If he fell off, the only thing he'd hit was air. He redoubled his grip on the saddle. Then Death said, ARE YOU HUNGRY, BOY? 'Yes, sir.' The words came straight from his stomach without the intervention of his brain. Death nodded, and reined in the horse. It stood on the air, the great circular panorama of the Disc glittering below it. Here and there a city was an range glow; in the warm seas nearer the Rim there was a hint of phosphorescence. In some of thedeep valleys the trapped daylight of the Disc, which is slow and slightly heavy[1], was evaporating like silver steam. But it was outshone by the glow that rose towards the stars from the Rim itself. Vast streamers of light shimmered and glittered across the night. Great golden walls surrounded the world. 'It's beautiful,' said Mort softly. 'What is it?' THE SUN is UNDER THE Disc, said Death. 'Is it like this every night?' EVERY NIGHT, said Death. NATURE'S LIKE THAT. 'Doesn't anyone know?' ME. You. THE GODS. GOOD, IS IT? 'Gosh!' Death leaned over the saddle and looked down at the kingdoms of the world. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, he Said, BUT I COULD MURDER A CURRY. Although it was well after midnight the twin city of Ankh-Morpork was roaring with life. Mort had thought Sheepridge looked busy, but compared to the turmoil of the street around him the town was, well, a morgue. Poets have tried to describe Ankh-Morpork. They have failed. Perhaps it's the sheer zestful vitality of the place, or maybe it's just that a city with a million inhabitants and no sewers is rather robust for poets, who prefer daffodils and no wonder. So let's just say that Ankh-Morpork is as full of life as an old cheese on a hot day, as loud as a curse in a cathedral, as bright as an oil slick, as colourful as a bruise and as full of activity, industry, bustle and sheer exuberant busyness as a dead dog on a termite mound. There were temples, their doors wide open, filling the streets with the sounds of gongs, cymbals and, in the case of some of the more conservative fundamentalist religions, the brief screams of the victims. There were shops whose strange wares spilled out on to the pavement. There seemed to be rather a lot of friendly young ladies who couldn't afford many clothes. There were flares, and jugglers, and assorted sellers of instant transcendence. And Death stalked through it all. Mort had half expected him to pass through the crowds like smoke, but it wasn't like that at all. The simple truth was that wherever Death walked, people just drifted out of the way. It didn't work like that for Mort. The crowds that gently parted for his new master closed again just in time to get in his way. His toes got trodden on, his ribs were bruised, people kept trying to sell him unpleasant spices and suggestively-shaped vegetables, and a rather elderly lady said, against all the evidence, that he looked a well set-up young lad who would like a nice tune. He thanked her very much, and said that he hoped he was having a nice tune already. Death reached the street corner, the light from the flares raising brilliant highlights on the olished dome of his skull, and sniffed the air. A drunk staggered up, and without quite realising why made a slight detour in his erratic passage for no visible reason. THIS IS THE CITY, BOY, said Death. WHAT DO YOU THINK? 'It's very big,' said Mort, uncertainly. 'I mean, why does everyone want to live all squeezed together like this?' Death shrugged. I LIKE IT, he said. IT'S FULL OF LIFE. 'Sir?' YES? 'What's a curry?' The blue fires flared deep in the eyes of Death. HAVE YOU EVER BITTEN A RED-HOT ICE CUBE? 'No, sir,' said Mort. CURRY'S LIKE THAT. 'Sir?' YES? Mort swallowed hard. 'Excuse me, sir, but my dad said, if I don't understand, I was to ask questions, sir?' VERY COMMENDABLE, said Death. He set off down a side street, the crowds parting in front of him like random molecules. 'Well, sir, I can't help noticing, the point is, well, the plain fact of it, sir, is —' OUT WITH IT, BOY. 'How can you eat things, sir?' Death pulled up short, so that Mort walked into him. When the boy started to speak he waved him into silence. He appeared to be listening to something. THERE ARE TIMES, YOU KNOW, he said, half to himself, WHEN I GET REALLY UPSET. He turned on one heel and set off down an alleyway at high speed, his cloak flying out behind him. The alley wound between dark walls and sleeping buildings, not so much a thoroughfare as a meandering gap. Death stopped by a decrepit water butt and plunged his arm in at full length, bringing out a small sack with a brick tied to it. He drew his sword, a line of flickering blue fire in the darkness, and sliced through the string. I GET VERY ANGRY INDEED, he said. He upended the sack and Mort watched the pathetic scraps of sodden fur slide out, to lie in their spreading puddle on the cobbles. Death reached out with his white fingers and stroked them gently. After a while something like grey smoke curled up from the kittens and formed three small cat-shaped clouds in the air. They billowed occasionally, unsure of their shape, and blinked at Mort with puzzled grey eyes. When he tried to touch one his hand went straight through it, and tingled. YOU DON'T SEE PEOPLE AT THEIR BEST IN THIS JOB, aid Death. He blew on a kitten, sending it gently tumbling. Its miaow of complaint sounded as though it had come from a long way away via a tin tube. They're souls, aren't they?' said Mort. 'What do people look like?' PEOPLE SHAPED, said Death. IT'S BASICALLY ALL OWN TO THE CHARACTERISTIC MORPHOGENETIC FIELD. He sighed like the swish of a shroud, picked the kittens out of the air, and carefully stowed them away somewhere in the dark recesses of his robe. He stood up. CURRY TIME, he said. It was crowded in the Curry Gardens on the corner of God Street and Blood Alley, but only with the cream of society – at least, with those people who are found floating on the top and who, therefore, it's wisest to call the cream. Fragrant bushes planted among the tables nearly concealed the basic smell of the city itself, which has been likened to the nasal equivalent of a foghorn. Mort ate ravenously, but curbed his curiosity and didn't watch to see how Death could possibly eat anything. The food was there to start with and wasn't there later, so presumably something must have happened in between. Mort got the feeling that Death wasn't really used to all this but was doing it to put him at his ease, like an elderly bachelor uncle who has been landed with his nephew for a holiday and is terrified of getting it wrong. The other diners didn't take much notice, even when Death leaned back and lit a rather fine pipe. Someone with smoke curling out of their eye sockets takes some ignoring, but everyone managed it. 'Is it magic?' said Mort. WHAT DO YOU THINK? said Death. AM I REALLY HERE, BOY? 'Yes,' said Mort slowly. 'I . . . I've watched people. They look at you but they don't see you, I think. You do something to their minds.' Death shook his head. THEY DO IT ALL THEMSELVES, he said. THERE'S NO MAGIC. PEOPLE CANT SEE ME, THEY SIMPLY WONT ALLOW THEMSELVES TO DO IT. UNTIL IT'S TIME, OF COURSE. WIZARDS CAN SEE ME, AND CATS. BUT YOUR AVERAGE HUMAN . . . NO, NEVER. He blew a smoke ring at the sky, and added, STRANGE BUT TRUE. Mort watched the smoke ring wobble into the sky and drift away towards the river. 'I can see you,' he said. THAT'S DIFFERENT. The Klatchian waiter arrived with the bill, and placed it in front of Death. The man was squat and brown, with a hairstyle like a coconut gone nova, and his round face creased into a puzzled frown when Death nodded politely to him. He shook his head like someone trying to dislodge soap from his ears, and walked away. Death reached into the depths of his robe and brought out a large leather bag full of assorted copper coinage, most of it blue and green with age. He inspected the bill carefully. Then he counted out a dozen coins. COME, he said, standing up. WE MUST GO. Mort trotted along behind him as he stalked out of the garden and into the street, which was still fairly busy even though there were the first suggestions of dawn on the horizon. 'What are we going to do now?' BUY YOU SOME NEW CLOTHES. 'These were new today – yesterday, I mean.' REALLY? 'Father said the shop was famous for its budget clothing,' said Mort, running to keep up. IT CERTAINLY ADDS A NEW TERROR TO POVERTY. They turned into a wider street leading into a more affluent part of the city (the torches were closer together and the middens further apart). There were no stalls and alley corner traders here, but proper buildings with signs hanging outside. They weren't mere shops, they were emporia; they had purveyors in them, and chairs, and spittoons. Most of them were open even at this time of night, because the average Ankhian trader can't sleep for thinking of the money he's not making. 'Doesn't anyone ever go to bed around here?' said Mort. THIS IS A CITY, said Death, and pushed open the door of a clothing store. When they came out twenty minutes later Mort was wearing a neatly— itting black robe with faint silver embroidery, and the shopkeeper was looking at a handful of antique copper coins and wondering precisely how he came to have them. 
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lycanwitch · 6 years
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i’m just gonna rant and vent my feelings rn sorry but posting on here is my equivalent of screaming into the void
I started smoking cigarettes when I was 13. Why? Because I was young, curious, and stupid. Curiousity got the best of me and now 5 years later, I have to live with the addiction. I’ve tried to quit many times in the past but never followed through. You never know how bad addiction is until you deal with it first hand. I had no idea my choices back then would lead to these consequences because I was young and naive. “I wont get addicted” I would tell myself. Well, look where that got me lol.
I’ve been trying to take better care of myself and I know I shouldn’t be smoking. But god is it a hard thing stop. I always end up impulse buying cigarettes since I’m 18 and they’re readily available to me at any time. I dont want to waste my money on it but I keep doing it anyway. Every time I smoke a cigarette now I don’t enjoy it. I always get filled with dread whenever I light one up. But its the physical and mental addiction that keeps me doing it.
Lung cancer runs in my dad’s side of the family. My dad and his dad don’t have it, so ever since I found that out I’ve been paranoid that I’ll be the one that gets it, and I’m probably propelling it the more I smoke. A relative on my mom’s side was diagnosed with cancer and she had been smoking her whole life, which prompted my mom to give me the “i’m worried about you” talk. And yknow I understand why shes worried and she cares about my health but at the time it really upset me. She’s never known the extent of my addiction because I never talked to her about it. The only way she found out was that one time last summer when I went to the hospital because I was deeply suicidal. I wanted to scream at her, “you think i actually enjoy smoking? you dont know what I’m dealing with, you dont know how hard it is to quit” etc. and its hard when my only friends are heavy smokers too. Being around them makes me crave it more because they smoke so frequently during the day.
I dont know where I’m going with this but I want to stop so bad. I keep subconciously putting myself down which doesnt help and I cant control it when I do. I have depression, putting myself down is just something I do, something my brain naturally does. I’ve been trying so so hard to get my mind on the right track but. I feel like I always give in. Life fucking sucks right now and I wake up every morning wanting to kill myself and I’m so numb at this point substance abuse is the only thing keeping me stable. I hate cigarettes and I hate booze but when you develop a physical addiction to them both its a hard habit to kick. and even with weed, yknow I love weed and I genuinely believe its something good that can be used to help people but my mind does this thing where it just wants to be high all the time. I smoke 4+ bowls a day, jack up my tolerance, buy more weed, rinse and repeat. I’m blowing through $30-$50 worth of weed every few days. I’m going to really force myself to take a break though, and I really want to discipline myself into smoking no more than 2 a day. And since you can’t get physically addicted to weed it’s been easier, somewhat, but still strains me mentally. If theres anything you take away from this: please dont start smoking cigarettes. dont start drinking. you’re risking your health by doing it and it should never be an emotional crutch, but I guess I’m too stupid to figure that out and apply it to myself.
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ffadedgrey-blog · 6 years
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HAHA the challenge omg. shall write errrrr 6 posts tonight? although i shld be studying hm
02 - Your First Love
interesting, never really a contender of the concept. have believed and maybe still believe that theres no such thing as what we see and feel are motivated by physical attraction and its hard to see past that. but i guess maybe it does exist? 
i would consider my “first love” to have been at the start of secondary school life. well in spite of me feeling that it was still more of physical attraction it felt the strongest ive remembered and the longest lasting one. hmm this is a weird topic to discuss it makes me feel weird to just discuss it. i guess honestly i believe that it exists and maybe am a bit annoyed that it hasnt happened to me yet and this lack of feeling it makes me honestly quite resentful towards events and maybe some negative emotions towards my being. but hey i’m awesome! i love myself for who i am. maybe a small percentage i feel i could do better/a small part of me may feel that i’m a ridiculously unrealistic and insufferable human being (at times of course) but i love me for who i am and am still very convinced that im on the right track and should just go on living life as i have been (:
03 - Your Parents
I love my parents, absolutely no doubt about that. I can go on and on about what lovely human beings they are. totally selfless and loving and warm and sweet and every diabetes-triggering objective that u can seek to name. but they can be such pains in the ass sometimes, it sends me on such emotional roller coaster rides sometimes. incredibly whiny and stubborn sometimes haha it really can get me into a bad physical and mental state at those times and i absolutely despise it esp if i have no capacity and energy or whatsoever to deal with that when i already cant handle my own shit. i can proudly claim to be an exact replica of my dad, hes extremely tolerant of me and my various emotional swings and idek he gets me! the 0/100 mentality, how we bond over mutual hatred of stupid/no iq or eq ppl/idiots from work/passion and outlook of life/standing up for what we believe in (although he goes overboard). We are both extremely idealistic looking ppl and thats both our strongest and weakest points, weakest coz it gets both of us into trouble in our respective fields. thats why the brat in me, although i can see his point of view and how much he loathes his job, i cant help but get annoyed that he wont suck it up coz unemployment is equivalent to a sign of weakness to us and weakness is not good. my mumu is another really interesting human being HAHA i love her extroverted but warm personality. shes so whiny when she gets upset (which is 90% of the time talking to me, and 100% of the time when she is forced to give me rides and will immediately be reduced to none whenever i text her a long chain of hearts and love youuuuuuu - and this is how u can tell that she is lovable) hehe i love how i can joke with them incessantly and they will get over it after a while. its really like making friends with your parents, and really literally life support during archi sems. literally life support. like they cry when they see me cry. ok they make me stronger (:
04- What you ate today
Seriously? what kind of response did u expect to hear? hm
i ate sushi express, the usual, sashimi on rice and shrimp sushi too. lathered in wasabi hehe.
05- your definition of love
not this again. omg i will get back to this when i have the patience to talk about this in greater detail and emotion.
06- Your Day
hm. this can be an interesting one.
for starters if u considered my day to start from 24hours before, i can say that i started the day off by furiously swiping on tinder. lol. funnier coz i spent so much time swiping left and swiping right was such a rare occurence and yet i used up enough rights to make tinder reject my last swipe right and ban me from swiping right more till 12hours later. and the guy who i wanted to swipe was actually cute. so what happened? i swiped up. lol i never intentionally swipe up HAHAHAHA.
so i told doro and she asked me to hit him up after seeing his profile: quote “HIT HIM UP” “HIT HIT HIT” 
“How long are you gonna keith me waiting?”
what followed was a regrettable move on my part. absolutely embarassed to say that i actually did that. and im still awaiting a response from the text i sent out around an hour ago WHYS HE KEITHING ME WAITING. ok stop.
so doro and i just went on sending each other keith puns the whole night, ok exaggeration the whole hour. anyway yes besides this incident i also got to say that i should not have expected much brain on these apps. and yeah i met too many of these ppl since mad swiping last night. but ok i might still be keeping myself entertained which was my reason for doing that in the first place.
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Trove Bot
{And not just the actual Alamo in Dallas, obviously, nonetheless the an individual I built-in a cleft between the two two eco-safe hillsides as annoying hovering pests what size Paul Reubens pestered me. Deserts cave straight into motherboardy scenery directly from Tron, tundra will give way to open seas where you can species of fish or steer a spead sail boat, to ensure that as with Minecraft, virtually every little it usually is farmed and useful for crafting. |{is the best recipe for every assorted cast. You battle and step your path using a dungeon, clear away the supervisor (which might be anything from a dragon accompanying a formless blob), and be sure to take its loot. Trove Cheat Engine Table may well be an MMOG, but almost all of their distribution are soloable, and supervisor will kill (and as a consequence confidential loot lowers and XP) depend in the event you just been in a further gamer undertaking the eliminating. 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