#like iv been feeling this way in some way throughought this week and i thought i had stopped but i kinda havent lol

[caruliaa]

typical late night miseries but literally so sick of feeling like this always

#like iv been feeling this way in some way throughought this week and i thought i had stopped but i kinda havent lol #and ik its stupid but just idk. im just always in my stupid feelings abt the idea that like ohh i always care abt other ppl then they do me #and like !! the thing is ik it tht that isnt true or at least not laways true and i do have people who really do fully care about me #and like. that really means a lot to me like so so mucch but idk sometimes it just like #i feel like the way that i care abt other people is so like intense in a lot of ways and like idk. #its just such a big thing for me and i feel like i put so much of my heart into it and like sometimes ill find myslef getting so intensely #emotional about it to the point of crying and almost feeling sad and writing stupid bad poetry and it just feels like the huge #vulnerable thing for me so often and i just feel like it rly isnt for anyone else or at least not for the people ik abt me #and like the thing is i dont even want them to feel that way bc ik they do really care about me sm as is #but yk like. idk on a selfish level tht means theres a feeling that its all one sided which really really doesnt help at all with it #to the point were i do sometimes wish tht others cared abt me the same amnt/way bc then i wldnt be alone in such intense feelings #and then i wldnt feel like im the only one not worth caring abt tht way but idk ik im selfish thinking that #its not even fully that i want other people to care more its that i want me to care less #but i just. fucking cant and i just really hate it sometimes and im sick of feeling miserable over such stupid things #and now im acting like annoying and obnoxious. whatever #its 4am im going to go to bed now. goodnight <3 #flappy rambles