#like my great grandma was native and from peru and i was born all the way in southeastern brazil

[propshophannah]

wait wait, so onethat anon was pretty rude-ish but I get what they're saying I just wouldn't say it myself (the anon that told you to stay in your lane) but being called African American isn't problematic, Hannah. It's what we are. Our ancestors, really just our great(x2) grands (or more greats) were taken from Africa and enslaved and, well, we all had a history class or two. We ARE African, that's where we originally come from and I think people forget that just because we add American, which+

I honestly just don’t think they read all of what I wrote. LOL. Cuz it didn’t make sense to what I’d posted. But I get it.

The term “African American” both is and is not problematic. The same way terms such as “Asian American”, “Latino American”, (and my personal favorite) “Native American” are all problematic and at the same time not problematic. It’s problematic in the way that no one says “Anglo American” or “English American” or “French American” etc. to describe white/caucasian people. They’re just American.

So why do we have to add a qualifier to everyone else? That’s problematic. And when you have people who actually come from Africa to America, they too are classified as African American. And that is problematic because it does not mean the same thing.

Labels create canons. They create a space for people to exist within. And that tends to be useful and a good thing. But canons also create otherness. They define themselves by what’s not included.

So, to make this clear again, nowhere ever have I said that personally identifying as African American is problematic. It’s the phrase that I mentioned in regard to Trevor Noah is problematic. And it’s when we apply it to everyone who is not white, that it becomes even more problematic. Because it imposes upon people all of the things the phrase has come to mean and embody in the U.S. And in the U.S., the term “African American” has come to embody so much more than just a designation of race. It’s a culture, it’s a movement, it’s a shared history, it’s so much bigger and so much more than a racial designation. And all the things it embodies are up to the individual to read as being positive or negative or anywhere in between.

But it’s how the baggage of terms like “African American” or “Native American” or “Latino American” work to imposes the canonical of the category and otherness upon people who may not feel the whole term applies to them. Or how they work to impose these things without anyone noticing.

—–

Ask Part Two: we have to add American because we were born and raised here and our parents were too. We’ll probably never go to or see Africa because our chances of that ever happening were ripped away by white people. So saying it’s problematic to connect to my roots and who I am, even if I don’t know who I am and where I came from, kind of hurts. I’m very proud to be African American and I even went the extra mile and started to learn more about Africa and I learned that my great great something+

——

I’m not sure where you got that it was problematic to connect with your roots/who you are, but it wasn’t on my blog. And you’re preaching to the choir about how hurtful that would be. The U.S. doesn’t acknowledge an entire continent of tan and brown people with whom I racially identify with. And the new normative discourse on race in the U.S. is “If you’re not black, you’re white. If you’re not white, you’re black.” And that’s a false narrative, that creates otherness by what it does not include in the canonical. And if you are not black and you are not white, then you don’t get a seat at the table. You are othered.

——

Ask Part Three: grandma was actually from Ethiopia which I would have never learned because some of my family didn’t even know. So, basically what I’m saying is, and correct me if I’m wrong, we are African American. We are from African decent and we were raised in America which isn’t our fault (this also leads to the stupidity of Africans being angry at us because of this) And…I don’t really know where this rant went, sorry, it’s just that it’s so hard being black (I’m actually part other stuff2)+

—-

Yes, you are African American because that’s how you choose to identify. But just realize that the word “African” is a qualifier in the same way “Asian” and “Native” and “Latino” are qualifiers. Whereas everyone else is just “American” that’s my point. And that’s why it’s problematic. Because it sets everyone else up as other with the assumption that “American” means you’re white. And in Trevor Noah’s standup, he talks about how people told him to say “Native Americans” and he was like, “but they were here first, aren’t they Americans?” He’s making jokes, but everything he says is a valid critique of how racism has been institutionalized. And also how he mediates his place within the words. He’s just very intelligent, very educated, and you have to watch it to understand.

And I am a rant safe blog. Rant away. And I believe you that it’s hard to be black in America. I have witnessed how hard it is to be black in America, and trust me when I say that I make it a part of my daily life routine to be an ally.

——

Ask Part Four: in America because you deal with a lot of racism and white washing and racial slurs and a lot of other disgusting things that I don’t really want to mention. But what I’m saying is (trying to make a connection between us, not trying to be offensive) that just like you struggle with tan /=/ white, some of us struggle with people saying we’re not African. But if we’re not African, just American, then we aren’t black at all? Same for Asian American too. This was such a long rant. Sorry

———-

You are in no way offensive. Don’t worry. And this last part of you comment is the very heart of the identity debate. And there is no right answer. No one solution. It’s ruled by the nuance and individual experience. And I feel that. I really do.

Weird story: This one time in college, I was taking an anthropology class on “Race, Culture and Identity” and my peers were a nice chunk of the diversity my university had to offer. They were from all over the world. And three of the girls were from South America. And they all said that they thought it was funny that people of South American descent, but who are born into the U.S., called themselves hispanic. And me and my friend Tatyana and this other girl (who was born in the U.S. but with family in Peru) were like, “Wait, what?”

We could not wrap our brains around why they didn’t see that as okay. And they said that they defined being hispanic as being from a culture in which you grow up speaking Spanish. And my classmate with family in Peru was like “I speak Spanish, but I was born and raised in the U.S. am I not hispanic?” And the three girls from South America were like, “No. You’re latina or Spanish.”

Needless to say, my mind was blown. I could not wrap my brain around why place and language had so much to do with their definition of that word. But I get it. And it’s one way that designating hispanic and latino to be ethnicity and not race makes so sense to some people.

Then, a guy who was actually from Spain, told us that, in Spain, they do not consider anyone in South America to be “Spanish” they, themselves, are Spanish. And he was like, “People in my country are not latino.” And I get that more easily because their country is called Spain. And latino/latina came from “Latin America” so I get it.

Buuuut at the same time, in the U.S. you can be Spanish and be from South America or have origins in South America. AAAAND you can be from places like Puerto Rico (in the Caribbean) and that’s considered Latin America, but not everyone allows for that to be South America.

And where that all becomes even more nuanced and fucked up, is that the original peoples who cultivated many of these islands in what is now latin America were systematically erased from the world (systematic genocide). Then you add in the slave trade. And while a third of the slaves from Africa went to Central America, more than a third went to Latin America.

ON TOP OF THAT, First Nations peoples from South America (Aztec, Mayan etc.—all these people that had existed before settlers came) were enslaved and shipped all over the place. Hence why my father, a full blooded brown Puerto Rican man, can trace his family back to Mayan and Incan and Aztec ancestry, while also being able to trace some back it to Africa and to Europe. Yet, his government, does not allow him (or his children) the space to racially identify as Puerto Rican, or Latin American, or in any way that might fit his racial description.

He (and his children) have to choose one or more of the following, “White, Black or African American, American Indian or Alaska Native, Asian, and Native Hawaiian or Other Pacific Islander.” And for more on that see this post!

Race and identity is ruled by the nuance. And in America, it’s a mess. 

#mixed race #Trevor Noah #Latin America #African American #race and identity #otherness #normative category #normative category racism #tan exists #brown does too

[soundsgoodfeelsgood]

Thursday 14th may, day 66

NOTE: i actually wrote this as a presentation letter to a guy on Slowly, but i really liked how it turned out so i thought “hm, might as well post this”. Here you go.

So here are 10 maybe-not-that-interesting facts about me. 

1. My name in italian literally means "clear" and yet i have the same expression capability of a 5-year-old. It takes me forever to express myself in my native langue and I find it easier to speak in english, which can be quite a challenge when talking to my friends as you can imagine. Actually nobody calls me by my name, people usually refer to me by my surname, even my closest friends. (that's Cili if you where wondering, like red hot chili pepper) 

2. In just a month i'll be graduating from high school and in september i'm going to start med school. I don't actually know why i'll be attending it since the very last thing i want to be when i grow up is a doctor. I have really, really low empathy so i don't think i could ever pull that off. Whant i want to be when i grow up is a resercher in neurosciences. There is nothing more fascinating then the human brain. I find utterly...disarming how everything we are, everything we do, all of our thought and movements are decided by how some tiny-iny particles of living matter interact with each other. The human body is the most beautiful of mysteries and everything it does is the result of a tiny miracle. I worship science. I love to find all the science that surrounds me and learn about it. And while i'm quite a thinker the subject i hate the most is philosophy. The only two authors i ever sincerely liked are Plato and Popper. The rest is garbage. 

3. I have quite a memory. I perfectly remember stuff that has happened to me over 10 years ago. Like that one time when i was 8 and i was angry at my friend Dave so i started to throw comic books at him. Or how i used to go around my grandma's garden with my cousins dressed up in Sandocan costumes looking for pinecones that we would later smash in order to eat the pine nuts inside them. And how could I not mention when at 10 my friends and I organised a whole funeral for a ladybug that had drowned in their pool? we made this little raft out of a plastic plate, put the ladybug on it with some flowers and plants and then had a full celtic-like ceremony (we even wrote a eulogy). But the thing i remember the easiest are songs. I know hundres of thousands of song lyrics by heart. My playlist has over 600 songs and i can recognise any of them within 5 seconds (no kidding). Also i have the weirdest music taste. I like Queen as much as One Direction as much as early-2000s pop rock as much as indie as much as musicals. I believe music to be the expression of one's soul. Like, there are some songs that literally speak to the deepest part of me and if i didn't know any better i'd think they were written especially for me. 

4. I'm an INTJ like Christopher Nolan, Elon Musk and Moriarty from Sherlock Holmes. I'm also a Ravenclaw even though Pottermore keeps putting me in Hufflepuff.  As for the zodiac (in which i don't believe in but still read) i'm technically a scorpio but because i was born on the first day of scorpio at five past midnight, my zodiac-obsessed friend keeps telling me i'm a cusp which is something i had no idea existed until she pointed that out. As they say, you never stop learning. 

5. I can solve rubik's cube in under a minute. My friend from robotics clubs tought me. Also, i'm in my schools robotics club. Last year we built a piano-playing robot and we're currently second in italy and forth in europe in our category.  This year we were planning on going to the international competitions but then coronavirus happened so...yeah. Still, robotics is one of the best thing that has ever happened to me. Not for the club itself but for the people I met and for all the beautiful experiences and for that one time in october when we sneaked wine into our hotel room and the next morning i was so hungover i slept the whole day while tecnically competing. 

6. I have a thing for alpacas. I don't know why, i think they're cute. I have a mug with an alpaca on it where i store my markers (i also have a thing for markers). One of my dreams is to see them in Machu Pichu (the alpacas, not the markers). I loooooooove travelling. It's the one thing i could never get tired of. I have an endless list of places i want to visit. My goal is to visit every continent before i turn 30 (the earlier, the better). So far i've been to North America (the USA, twice), Africa (Morocco and Egypt) and i've visited most european capital cities (London, Paris, Berlin, Madrid, Luxemburg, Bruxelles, and many other). As of right now there's Singapore on top of my list, immediatly followed by Peru. Travellig is such a unique experience. Every where you go there's always something new to learn and to discover. Different culture, different food, different languages. I adore languages of all kind. I'm fluent in italian (duh) and english (even tho i make tons of mistakes - i'm sorry), advanced in french and currently learning spanish. 

7. I'm writing a book. Let me rephrase that - I'm writing a trilogy. It's actually a little more complicated than that to be honest. When i started high school i started writing this fairly awful teen-fiction-like novel and than i though to myself: why not make another book where i write the same exact story but from a different point of view and with a totally different style with no reason whatsoever? Five years later, i'm still not even halfway done with a first draft of any of the three books. I mostly use them as a creative outlet, something i do when i'm bored, just for the fun of it. But as stupid as they can be, they're still my creatures and i love them. Even though i'm sort of embarassed of them - no one i know has ever read them. I once tried to show the first few chapters to a group of friends and they still make fun of me for it (but they do it in that friend way that doesn't really offend, you know what i mean?). I just love words so much. I even have a list of favourite words written in my journal. Some exemples are "scrosciare", which is the italian word for the noise of heavy rain falling, and words that are what they mean, like obsolete and cacophonic.

8. if i were to write this last year, i'd tell you i don't believe in friendship. Now, my mind hasn't change that much, i still believe to have no friends in the way i consider a friend is supposed to be. And i know i talked about my friends quite s few times throughout this letter but i usually use this word in absence of something that better explains what i really feel. I'll try to make this as clear as i can. I struggle to make a connection with people. i always feel like people click with each other in misterious ways i have yet to understand. Most of those i identify as my friends are just the people i hang out with. There is no...spiritual connection? It's a little complicated to explain. As if at the beginning of times we were handed some instruction booklets on "human interaction and realtionships" and i lost mine, while everyone else carfully guarded theirs. The word that best describes what i think of most people is afecionado. I don't know where i read it but it pretty much explains it all - someone i feel affection for, but nothing else. I do have a best friend tho. I mean, best friend is quite a big word. I have a human being i feel more connected with in comparison to others. I’ve known him since forever and i hate him. I dont hate hate him as in i want him dead. I love him as a friend, he's a great friend. but i hate him as a human being. He's so goddam perfect it bothers me so much. Have you ever met someone that is just so annoingly good at any thing? well that's him. 

9. I have never fallen in love. Not once. The last time i had a crush i was 11. This is what happens when you are an hopeless romantic who grew up reading love stories and at the same time a creepingly logical human. You have incredibly high expectations. And the only time i kissed someone it was more of a lips-touching-for-a-second kind of experience and we were both very much drunk (it was actually the first out of the three times in my life i ever got drunk, the third being the wine experience in october) When i first met said best friend everyone we knew shipped up ("shipped" as in the fandom term meaning two people should date) and there was a moment this summer when i thought i was developping feelings for him but it was just a second. And i may or may not have dreamed of dating this french guy i saw twice at a drama festival. 

10. I love quotes. I think it's part of the memorising thing - learning quotes by heart. Songs, books, speeches, vines, stand up comedians. I also have a very weird sense of humor, basically anything makes my laugh like bad puns and dank memes. Anyway, i have this thing on my door where i write all the quotes i like. Mostly they're from songs, but i also have two from Dante's Divine Comedy. In italy we study it our third year of high school and my teacher is so obsessed with it that she made us learn over 200 verses by heart.