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#like they'll just be like 'skrunks >:/.' and that's it. i cant say anything. i know i wont be listened to and they fucking do it on purpose
skrunksthatwunk
·
1 year
Text
been wringing my hands about the concept of family therapy. scary stuff. like maybe it could help and we sure as hell need SOMETHING to change but i think it would be like taking a potato peeler to the soles of my feet
#look it probably works for a lot of ppl but every time i think about it as a solution for my Definitely Needs It family it's like. god no
#it probably only works when everyone's willing to change and actually listen to each other
#if i did it with my folks im worries they'd quit if they were challenged or talk shit about the therapist/methods afterwards
#like im so worried the therapist would take their side and we'd be stuck giving in to them
#only now with assurance from an expert that they're always right and we're wrong and ungrateful. not helpful!! negative progress
#and if we tried to switch therapists my parents would be like oh you just can't accept responsibility 🙄🙄
#you just wanted someone to tell you you didn't have to try or to coddle you or make us do what you want or whatever
#aghhh it's so scary and it's not even on the table. no one wants this but i also think trying to mediate it myself would suck so fuckin bad
#aughh. sorry i wanna write about it as like. a tags rant. here goes
#my parents don't apologize for shit. ive legit seen it happen once. they justify and backpedal but they never acknowledge their bs
#they treat the harm that comes from their methods with a sort of 'well what do you expect me to do about it?! (rhetorical)' vibe
#like there is no way to improve. like the ability for parents to fail and be flawed means those things must be accepted uncritically
#because they're trying and they have good intentions. but if they really wanted to help as they claim they would be willing to change
#if you're trying to help someone and they tell you your actions didn't help or are hurting them you should change your methods so theyre
#helped. but they operate on this assumption that their methods should always work and thud if they don't that we're too sensitive
#'youre asking for too much' was kind of a major theme in my childhood is what im realizing
#instead they justify and focus on intent or their kids' flaws (real or imagined). they want to change the reaction rather than the action
#they dont want to help they just want the problem to go away. and quiet kids look like happy kids i guess
#thing is i cant even cite that many manipulative things theyve said bc we all go quiet as soon as they use a disapproving tone
#like they'll just be like 'skrunks >:/.' and that's it. i cant say anything. i know i wont be listened to and they fucking do it on purpose
#theyre kinda shit at defending themselves but i can barely follow their lines of reasoning so it's so fucking hard to argue with them
#it's also so unnurturing. why is us being unhappy or uncomfortable smth to blame on our failure n not smth you want to help with? wth
#yk the thing about the Shut Down Tone is i recognize and resent it sometimes but it still makes me feel like im not giving them a fair shot
#bc i dont even slightly challenge them much (& they dont have to say what they mean for us to cower) i feel like im misreading their tone
#that im being too sensitive and thinking theyre being controlling for no reason. like im reading into it too hard and hating them when if i
#pushed back they'd freely be good to me and change and be reasonable. but now it's becoming clearer that that's not the case bc they Do Not
#and if i mention The Tone theyll just say im overreacting and that it's my fault for not sticking up for myself AGAIN!!!!!!
#and it's so frustrating knowing what's going on and still having these doubts. i can't trust my gut or what i hear bc they might be right
#they'll straight up lie or change their arguments or their story to get me to submit. am i being gaslit??? wtf
#but i trust my (treated worse) brothers' accounts which helps. my parents brag about their parenting skills to us btw ✌️✌️
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