#like...that sounds kinda math/comp sci to me? at the same time she could also be a politician of sorts

[electronicneutrino]

but fanny...as a field biologist/professor of biology, esp at the undergrad/graduate level, teaches the field biology courses but also ecology, evolution, zoology, etc. depending on what she esp likes at the moment. has little to no interest in microbiology/genetics/etc, knows its important and she knows the basics though. just. can’t understand why anyone would dedicate their life to studying it yo ucan’t even see a cell

new students don’t even ask her former students about her they already know she yells a lot. it’s not even she’s super loud all the time, just her tone sounds like a yelling tone even when she’s quiet enough that the floors above/below can’t hear her. she’s pretty good at controlling the actual volume of her voice in dB, but it just. seems like she’s yelling all the time. so everyone says she yells all the time

no one ever falls asleep in her class. also she doesn’t like it when students fall asleep. so she makes sure to yell louder if anyone looks like they’re doozing off. the students who are already paying attention hates it. fanny’s aware they do. she uses that to further pressure students into not sleeping

it’s also known that she’s actually a pretty good lecturer and reeeaally knows her stuff. regardless of whether she remembers knd or not, she still retains the experience from leading teams and has gotten very good at giving very very clear instructions/explainations. despite making lesson plans the day before class, or not at all

her students are kinda scared of her, but it’s known if you get her actually angry she’s really quiet and looks about ready to punch someone so after the first week there’s less fear over the yelling. just less. like it’s actually not hard to tell when she’s in her normal mood or when she’s angry. she continuously emphasizes extra help is avaiable they must all pass the class gdi why else would they take her course

field biology is the one time fanny’s actually reeally quiet bc don’t want to scare the animals. it’s a bit of self control and also intense focus on completing the task, and even when students call her she’s actually quiet. it’s weird. afterwards she’s loud again but whatever about scaring away the animals at that time. 

still a risk taker and a bit reckless and impulsive, and still. still wears skirts. she’ll be out in the field, spots something up a tree she wants to make a remark about and will just start climbing up, wearing a skirt. she’s almost always a bit roughed up, proably has leaves in her mess of her hair half the time, her legs covered in scratches, she doesn’t care. 

also known for being loud during lectures and conferences. she’s just. well known. because not only does she  k e e p  publishing journals, they also have decent ideas at the least, especially for the amount she publishes. and often it’ll be having research supporting one thing bu t then a couple weeks later a journal going ‘i know i said that before but given this new information--’. also tons and tons of journals pretty much telling anyone, who write an journal arguing against her, ‘fight me i have facts and your facts suck’ but if they’re right she’ll accept it and maybe even cite it in a later journal of hers. 

loves it when people criticizes her work. like she’ll argue like ‘fight me’ but she’d much much rather be criticized than no one saying anything or even her work be praised. like she’ll take compliments, but they don’t mean as much unless said person has also been critical of her work. she absolutely hates it when people think she’s so renouned that they’re scared to say ‘you’re wrong’ to her

like in general she’s just known as outspoken and rather rude and abrasive but also a great biologist. probably won some prizes, although idk what bio prizes exists. keeps them as well as certificates and stuff in her room on the wall or shelves. like. even some of the public knows her. she’s probably written a popular science book or two but honestly. enjoys giving out public lectures a lot more

by the end of the course/some time, whether her students like her or not they respect her. they really really respect her.  

also random headcanon but while she’s not good at understanding abstract math or whatever, and it takes her some effort to get calc/whatever math she needs, and she rarely never study more math than she needs, fanny’s really good at mental math. like adding, subtracting, multiplying, dividing, even finding roots and logs. somehow she’s very fast at it. like you ask her what’s root 244 and within a couple of seconds she’s huh about 15.6 like how does she do that?? she just can. can’t do abstract math but no problem with root random number. 

#knd #knd talk #why am i going on about fanny as a biologist again? idk i think i'm thinking of making more fanny explaining bio doodles #then got carried away with headcanons #really i'm just waiting some time for the meletonine pills to work and to be tired enough to sleep #i think its fine if i use my computer on lowest brightness + flux to make the screen dimmer and pretty much orange? #idk. it doesn't do anything about the cursor though so the cursors still bright and. its funny #i really like coming up with knd in stem headcanons though okay i tried #the only things i really know about uni is tumblr posts/that one samplle lecture i attended/online uni courses/physicist daily lives #also partially based off high school bc...that's what i know. so whoops if i got anything relating to uni classes/professors wrong #i think i lowkey headcanon rachel as a computer programmer but that may just be me projecting my interest in comp sci on her #at the same time though...she's a spy. she does problem solving a lot. she works in quiet #like...that sounds kinda math/comp sci to me? at the same time she could also be a politician of sorts #bc well she's supreme leader later also she's probably really good with people and figuring out intentions and stuff #due to being a spy id imagine she's good at telling when someone lies; motives using word choice; etc etc #or idk she works in government intelligence but more with tech and stuff. idk. i do like the idea of rachel liking comp sci though #besides as supreme leader she has like 50 monitors and probably has cool spy tech from her days as a knd spy so #anyway yeah i really like biologist fanny okay?okay #personal //

[itsjayyyy]

March 20, 2019 8:30 am

Alright I’m in a much better state of mind now. It’s been an astronomically long time since I’ve given an actual update on my life, not just venting. wow, just checked back at my last few updates and i really haven’t written almost anything about this semester, but So Much has happened.

okay so first of all: i switched majors. again. so I’ve done a lot of reflecting, about my whole plan for life. social work seemed like a good field for me because I want to help people, right? but in cps, you’re not always working with people to help them, a lot of the time is spent working /against/ your client to help their kids, who are often too young to understand what’s going on. You’re basically always fighting; a lot of posts on the social work subreddit are all about how to deal with clients who are uncooperative, or yell at you, etc. I want to state that mom is wrong when she says I’m “terrible with people,” I’m actually quite easy to get along with as long as you don’t purposefully seek to offend. But I am terrible with people who try to kick up shit all the time. I mean, I can barely handle dealing with an annoyed guest at starbucks, how am I supposed to spend the rest of my career dealing with that times, like, 100? And yeah, I know I always say that I can totally live on a small income, but man I sure do love the security of having a nice savings account. And donating to online charities is practically a hobby of mine, so having a big income would make it a lot easier for me to live the life of that rich person who pays off 100 gofundme’s for medical costs every month. 

And I’ve come to realize that the atmosphere of a class matters more than anything in terms of how well I’ll do. Not to sound arrogant, but I’m smart enough that I can pass any class that I try, I just need to put in effort. And effort comes a lot easier with a good atmosphere. The reason why I failed comp sci the first time was because the class had no interaction whatsoever. I mean, it was online and over the summer, and the professor gave us weekly emails telling us what assignments were due that week but he stopped doing that halfway through the semester so I just forgot about the class tbh. I felt so disconnected. And frankly, I’ve felt that way about stem since high school when I was the only girl and was always singled out because of it. That just made me go into college with a negative mindset. Even retaking comp sci was only originally for some stupid grade forgiveness so I could keep my scholarship. But this semester is just...different. My professor is just so lively, in a way that I’ve never had a stem class be. He starts off every class with “good evening everyone, it’s another day in paradise here at ucf in orlando, florida” (and sometimes he adds on “and some day you all will realize that” which tbh sounds kind of like an ominous threat to me) and throughout the class he’s always joking around, we can ask questions in class through his own website, we have a discord group to talk about the assignments that the TA is also in (and he shared pics of his dog once), all that stuff. Our professor also tells us about all the other resources we have, like supplementary instruction, tutoring (somehow those are two separate things), “the cave” (which is a room i think in HEC that is just generally inhabited by random comp sci students who hang out and can help with assignments), office hours not only for him but also his 2 TA’s. I’ve never been to any of those physical places but it’s nice knowing that I have a support system.

I know it’s the atmosphere and not just me trying to work harder, too, because I really walked into that class at the start of the semester already hating it. I gave it the last section of my 5-subject notebook specifically for how little I cared about it. (To me, calc was my priority. And yet I’m coasting by in comp sci with a 99 and a 100 on the first two exams (class averages being 72 and 68 respectively), while the same stale, disconnected atmosphere of calc has earned me a 52.) Last semester I ended with a 47% (written in as a D though, not sure if that’s because my professor wanted to give me mercy or if it’s because he wanted the pay raise associated with having your students pass). Comp sci just became a fun subject again. Coding really is my favorite thing.

The final push was a post I saw on the social work subreddit. It was about a case manager (what I wanted to go into) who had done a home visit and was unable to hide her disgust of having roaches crawling near her. I absolutely cannot. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, I realized I needed a sanitized office to work in. Before I made the official change, I talked to my coworker shayna about it, because she’s 26 and currently in her last semester of her AA, and next semester she’s hoping to transfer to ucf to get her bachelor’s. She said it is kinda stressful to take so long to get a degree, but as long as you get it, it’s okay. I know that now that I’ve wasted 2 years, I’m probably gonna graduate a semester late, but it’s okay because iris did too. And rose has been at valencia for 4 years and she’s still working on her 2 year degree so...

Wow that took a lot of words to say. Back to how my classes are going: I did the math, and I would need to get an 80 on all 3 of my remaining calc exams to get a C overall. Yeah I’m kinda pissed at myself for figuring out I like comp sci in the middle of the semester, when i already got an F on the first 2 exams. Before, my mentality was “I’m just taking this class for grade forgiveness, I can literally get a D and raise my gpa, and then I’m never going back to stem,” but now that I’m back in stem I need to get a C or better. I mean, I could get a D and then retake the class, but the college of engineering only allows for 3 tries on a class so I would really be on my last attempt before I’m completely kicked out and have to find a new major, wasting even more of my time. I know I would absolutely kill it on the third attempt, but man I sure am gonna hate myself for letting it get to that. It’s not an issue of “the material is too hard for me,” but rather “i didn’t care when I really should have.” I never studied for the first 2 exams and got over half of it right on both, imagine what I could do if i did study. Anyways, 80 sounds manageable, right? I mean, it’s the low end of a B. But this class is cumulative, to in order to do well on the next exam which is literally next week, I have to study literally the entire course instead of just these last few units. AND I need to go even farther back and study trig, since I never took a formal class on it and that’s why I failed calc the first time. It’s been 4 years since I looked at the unit circle.

I’m trying to cut back on how much time I spend on my phone. I really think that’s the biggest detriment to me, that I always feel the need to look at it. Definitely using the forest app more often. All the time I spend cycling between the 3 social media apps I use, where I just look at the same posts over and over again every day, could be better spent studying or doing something else productive. 

In comp 2, we’re doing a semester-long individual research project about anything rhetoric-based. It has to be multimodal, eg not just “what’s the symbolism in this classic novel” but rather about society and media. A lot of people chose stuff like “how do women’s magazines push certain beauty standards” or “how is greek life (sororities, not the country) portrayed in american media and is it really accurate,” but because the professor stated that we should be “creating new knowledge and building upon an academic conversation,” I tried to come up with something that nobody had done yet: I chose “what are the motivations of the incel community?” And yeah, it’s so unique that when we had to do a literature review of what other scholars have already said about the subject, there were literally no academic journals on it. My literature review is just about the layout of a subreddit’s community and how the members interact (which has been discussed before), and from there I’m going to apply that to the incel community. I’ve done “research” by reading through their posts. Wow I just tried to ctrl+f this blog for “incel” and only one instance came up, from like november last year. It’s crazy, this has been kind of a big deal for me this semester. You know all those self-hating posts about my appearance recently? Well, I walked into this project thinking “man incels are stupid they just need to stop being entitled and care about their appearance a little and maybe then they could get a girl” but as I read through the posts I realized I was wrong. A lot of these men have issues that can’t be easily fixed, like being short, balding too young, just general bad face structure, and because of that people would instantly judge them. One guy even talked about how he had cerebral palsy and needs to walk with a cane, and his super handsome brother’s girlfriend was super patronizing to him. Frankly, a lot of their posts spoke to me. I mean, before I had braces I had a really recessed chin and while everyone said “oh I didn’t even notice,” you could tell that it made me less attractive and hence why nobody has ever asked me out. Not saying it’s the only cause, but you’d be lying if you said looks didn’t matter. Especially the posts about being considered uglier than their siblings, that really hit home for me. it’s like, I see their pain and I know how badly it hurts, but at the same time as a woman I’m obviously going to disagree with their response. When women were given harsh beauty standards, we took two routes: either try to improve artificially (makeup and plastic surgery), or work to dismantle it (body positivity movement). Men, who have always been a little entitled, just blame others. I feel like if incels started an actual body positivity movement for men, we could really go somewhere.

Damn, its been so long since my last genuine update that frankly I’m not sure where to go from here. Like so much has happened and I can’t really pick out anything that seems particularly noteworthy after 3 months. I think I’m gonna end this update here, then, and just promise to give more frequent updates from now on so I can go into more detail. Today I’m going to write an email for the future (like i try to a few times a year) to rehash the whole major change (since my last letter was all about how i just switched to social work), then do the comp homework, then study for calc I guess.