#listen if someone has a proejcting problem its me alright. its ok if someone else has a turn at it esp when its within fair grounds 🥴

[todayisafridaynight]

I may just be delirious but I kind of feel like there's something there about some of the most traumatic events in Arakawa's life arguably stemming from/being made worse by being loved too much.

Like, Toshio's death, right. The death of a parent is always always going to be traumatic, particularly when your other parent is abusive, but I feel like being there, being the first to the scene, made it so much worse. Especially when it should've been a good memory.

Non-zero chance I'm just projecting because I was there for my own father's death and I was around Arakawa's age at the time, but it's like... it did have very specific life-long effects, didn't it... the way he keeps coming back to Peking duck and talks about it like he's had it before when he can't even bring himself to eat it unless he's with family (and indeed, never did, up until right before he died)...

And then there's his former patriarch. Of course, he seemed to see Arakawa as more of an object--fully under his control and something to be thrown away at the first sign of autonomy. But I feel like, before then, Arakawa must've been his "favorite," if he was willing to arrange a marriage between his daughter and Arakawa. Which I expect is what made his reaction when Arakawa told him he was (technically) having an affair with Akane and wanted out of the family that extreme in going as far as to send men after Akane and Ichiban.

The last one I can immediately think of is not exactly traumatic for him, though it is traumatic For Me so I'm counting it, but it's of course what we were talking about with Jo hesitating so much at the thought of killing Arakawa that he passed up the chance to save him.

I Dunno I Am Delirious but... there's a pattern somewhere in there... Anyway. Uh. "Happy" Father's Day am I right

happy fathers day :]]]]

#snap chats #I HAVE NOTES DOWN HERE AS ALWAYS I PROMISE JUST. no better way to cap off a post with a smile :) #plus yk. i dont have any major notes to add thats not restating but i do enjoy Restating so in the tags we go #also ngl im a lil tired so if im gonna look right silly cause my brains functioning like a bowl of cereal ill do it down here as per usual #totally waited to answer this when its technically fathers day my time and i didnt just stare at a wall #listen if someone has a proejcting problem its me alright. its ok if someone else has a turn at it esp when its within fair grounds 🥴 #in any case Yeah.. everyone loves patterns ones a coincidence two's a pattern three should incite murderous intent #i definitely wouldnt call it delirious thinking Thats My Job right LMAO #in all seriousness the importance of at least one positive adult figure in a trouble child's life cannot be understated #im pretty sure i talked bout that already so i wont give the whole lecture again LMAO #in any case its not unreasonable to want to assert love being a theme with arakawa- if not a detriment in some way #it was arakawas intense love for akane that inadvertently fractures their family to be #it was arakawas love for masato that didnt allow him to be harder on him when he should have been and caused both their eventual downfalls #and of course- as mentioned- while not a result of arakawa's own feelings #it was ultimately jo's. //vague hand gesturing// towards arakawa that stopped him from killing him outright #yet jo's love for masato that didnt allow him to lie and go directly behind his back #so yeah love just. works against arakawa unfortunately. an especially sad thing for a troubled child #because as a troubled child that's all you ever really want isnt it- to love and to be loved without worry #so its a cruel irony in that despite arakawa's childhood and general growing-up it didnt stop him from trying to love his family #it makes me wanna throw up (depressed) #in any case i have to stay up a little longer so i can steal water for later SO im gonna be up to uhhhh idk :) Stare At My Wall