#made it four days without crying and falling into the pits of despair besties

[whimsyprinx]

it’s actually funny how I can never actually be happy because all the things that make people happy put me on edge, including being happy

#whimsy whispers #I want to be loved but I’ll never believe people love me and panic when people do love me #niceness and kindness freaks me out because it doesn’t feel genuine or it feels like it’s because there’s a condition or something to be #owed in exchange #happiness itself scares me because I’m so used to any happiness I feel being short lived and almost immediately ruined #I can’t even be hopeful anymore because being hopeful only leads to your hopes being crushed #and there’s only so much of that you can deal with before you give up #I’m so a stupid broken person and I don’t know how to fix myself idk how to like function or live #life doesn’t feel worth living when you’ll never truly be happy #and the way everything is I don’t think I’ll ever be happy #outside of my own problems the world is so scary and like bad and doesn’t welcome happiness #made it four days without crying and falling into the pits of despair besties #it’s fine I’m in the room alone so I can cry as much as I want without being a bother to anyone #besties idk what even made me sad today #i think it is just that i ran out of stuff to do and the thoughts caught me off guard #cause I slept then I was too sick to like have thoughts then I made an iced coffee to replace human emotions and meals and started drawing #then I watched a kid for an hour or so then drew some more and then finished drawing and then there wasn’t anything else to do and I DIED #aka