#made much more obvious by the training sequences with both caspian and chip respectively. he’s bleeding himself dry to try and help everyon

[zeb-z]

At a surface level, Gillion always putting himself between danger and his friends just makes sense, because he’s noble like that, isn’t he? Gillion Tidestrider, Champion of the Undersea, Hero of the Deep, Riptide Pirate - he can tank a hit, or two, or three, and swing back just as hard. He’s protective, and he’s sturdy, and he’s stubborn. Then just a little deeper, Gillion would without question sacrifice himself for the greater good. For a friend in need, for a good hearted citizen, for the net positive - he’s noble, with a heart of gold, who’s courage knows no bounds, right? And then just a little deeper, Gillion would actively harm himself just to make someone feel better. Just to take the edge off of someone else’s misery. He’d take their own pain, or even unnecessary pain, so they might have some sort of relief. Even if it isn’t guaranteed, he’s so ready, so eager, to jump at the chance.

Gillion Tidestrider is someone born to meet impossible standards, constantly told he’s not good enough, taught that his suffering is necessary and through this his people will survive. He’s all these things, kind and courageous and chivalrous, with a heart that beats to help others in need - but he’s also self sacrificial. Dangerously so. He takes personal risks without second thought, he pushes his limits for even the little things, he helps to the point of his own detriment. He will bleed himself dry on the off chance it might help a good soul who needs it. He will do worse for his loved ones. And it isn’t just from the all encompassing need to help at any cost, but also this feeling deep down inside that he deserves it. It’s his destiny to save people, no matter the personal cost.

It’s pushed to the extreme with Felipe after the Feywilds. Gillion, still off center, freshly traumatized from his time in that god forsaken orb, still awaiting the verdict on if he’s guilty in the eyes of the council while fully convinced he is, finds out it’s technically his fault his new friend is filled with insatiable bloodlust and wants to stab him to death. Of course he encourages the stabbing. Of course he’ll mind control to keep the peace. And when all is said and done, and it hurts and it doesn’t help, he still wonders about pushing it further - fully behind this idea of him dying and being brought back, even if it’s not sure to work. Even if it’s not sure to bring him back.

And I just keep thinking, that for all the healing Gillion does - all those sick people from Joaldo, Chip and Jay countless times in their battles, members of the crew, various people hurting and in need of aid - he’s never once used lay on hands on himself. It’s a pattern, made noticeable in Edison Kingdom, where he heals Alphonse for half of a joke instead of his own 1 hp - which subsequently downs him on the way down - and it’s continues to the end of the Feywilds, where Jay and even Felipe heal the stab wounds he bleeds out from. He’s a healer with the power just at his fingertips, so easily within reach, and he doesn’t heal himself.

So it does beg the question - when will the line between ‘selfless’ and ‘self sacrificing’ be drawn?

#I hope the line will be drawn swiftly and sternly now that jay and chip are truly catching on #I just. I noticed the healing thing in Edison kingdom and haven’t been able to let go of it since. he’d sooner risk death than heal himself #and now (now as in ep 84 where I’m at in the campaign) this self sacrificial behavior is exacerbated by the retraumatizing council shit #made much more obvious by the training sequences with both caspian and chip respectively. he’s bleeding himself dry to try and help everyon #to protect everyone. but he can’t. and then there’s the guilt part of it because yeah. is this a choice made out of friendship or a guilty #sense of obligation? #and like. his whole thing that’s like ‘no I don’t want to die but I’m not afraid and I will do what I must’ it’s just. it’s so concerning #so ridiculously concerning and it’s like with his upbringing of course he thinks like this. freshly traumatized of course it’s worsened #but god #I just. he still hasn’t healed himself as far as I can remember. and that’s all I can think about #seize your destiny gillion tidestrider. shape it to be your own. and for the love of god treat yourself kindly along the way #jrwi riptide 84 #jrwi #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #jrwi gillion #z speaks