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philosophicalnutcase · 5 years

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The Obsidian Sword pt. 1

The premise of this story is that it is about a young lady who is assigned the task of defeating a long forgotten evil. Now you may think this tale to be cliche, or in no way out of the ordinary…

But to be fully honest with you guys this is literally just some wack dream I had about me being this girl who for some reason was travelling with some old dude who constantly spoke in a prophecy-esque format. That and Gimli from lord of the rings was there too, that and what I think was some fairy girl… but she really didn't say or do much except linger around and go along with what gimli did.

So most of this will be me filling in the story, the major events and such came from my dream.

I woke up in the back of a van, not exactly where I thought a night at coachella would lead me, but at least I still have both my kidneys. It was littered with a general grime, some wrappers, and a medium sized teddy bear (who was missing an eye). Now while there wasn’t too much filth, I do want to mention that it smells heavily of what I could only assume to be something organic. Now I’m no hoe, but this smell is not one you would find in savoury places. It’s just, you know… that stuff. Ok ok I’m just going out of my way here and admit this place smells like feces.

But now the question is, where in the name of ragnaros is this van? It was silent, so I assumed we weren’t moving anywhere at the moment. I got up and pulled the door handle, I was relieved when it opened. The sun was out, we were parked on the top of what looked like an abandoned parking lot stack… y’know like those one you park at when you are going to the mall, with multiple floors. Outside there was a tent with a campfire. It reminded me of something you’d make in fallout, only a lot less intriguing and way more smelly. I could see the elevator entrance to the right, but from the condition of the lot, I assumed it was out of order.

The tent covers shuffled, some ancient looking man emerged, he grabbed his overly cliche cane and started hobbling over to me. I was both confused and disgusted. His hair was matted beyond belief, and had lice visibly crawling around his head. His clothing was the least disgusting, he had a tattered cloak with an ACDC t-shirt and holey jeans.

“Greetings young lady!” he wheezed out.

Mildly intimidated, I replied… “Uh… hi. Where exactly are we?”

“Why this is no more than the greatest kingdom around... Banterlotte!”

“Wait… your joking right? What epic obsessed nerd names their kingdom banterlotte?”

“Uh… no one is sure, it kind of just came to be what everyone calls it now.” he answered

This guy was starting to get annoying, but I’m a sucker for a good story, so I asked him about the lore in your typical dark souls fashion. Hoping some big monster would come by and kill him halfway through.

“So what’s like… the story behind this land?”

“I’M GLAD YOU ASKED!”

“Ya, I’m sure you are…ya wack ass hag”

“Pardon?” he squacked

“Uh, nothing…go on...”

“Of course, yes… let’s see…” he scratched his head. “Ah yes, ok I’m ready. Once upon a time there was a fair land untamed by man-”

“Kind of cliche but ok…”

He gave me a glare, then continued. “This land was free of control, and was full of LIFE, -that’s mostly because of the rodents- but you get the idea.”

I interrupted with this “Wait, lemme guess… everything was gucci up until some random dark spirit came over the land and turned it all nasty, then some hero killed him and lived the rest of his days in a happy kingdom fucking his brains out in his big ass castle.”

“THERE IS NO NEED TO INSULT OUR FAIR KING LIKE THAT!” he shouted at me.

“Well yea, but am I wrong?” I replied.

He grumbled a little then muttered this “Well no, but you did ruin my story…”

such a fair ma

“Yea yea buddy I gotcha, now how do I go home…”

“Home? Nonsense, this is your home now!” he replied, suddenly all happy again.

“Okay, look… I like fantasy, but at the end of the day I just want to go home and sleep my day off… and last I checked, fantasyland doesn’t have Coffee or the internet... I’m just living life to have a blast and get shit faced.”

“Ah, I see…” He then scribbled something on a parchment. “Well then that changes things… Enjoy your stay in Banterlotte…” He snapped his fingers, and all of his camping equipment packed itself up into a small briefcase. “I can’t say I’ll be seeing you around!”

I soon realized that I was in no way capable of magic, which is the only way I could return home… I think. I don’t make the rules here in fantasy world, so I guess I better suck up to the hobo wizard… (not in that way you nasty minded fool). “Hey wait up!” I called. He looked back to see me running down the dirt hill, tripping halfway and rolling down the rest. “Well someone had a change of behavior fast…?” He cackled. “Tends to happen when the only guy who can return you home is abandoning you…”

We both walked down the trail, I wasn’t sure where we're headed, everytime I asked the wizard just said “Don’t worry about it, we’ll be there soon, you’ll know then.” I kind of just assumed it was some king that he would take me to so I could accept a quest to kill some guy, like in skyrim… wait am I like, the dragonborn?... sick.

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And so the story ends for now, we will get to hear more of this young girls adventure as soon as I write more.

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