#manifesting noah breakdown bcs he needs it

[thepictureofjune]

Noah Temel: undertones of an unlovable, uncertain kid. 

— a quite sad character study

The reason why we need Noah to break down is because we care for him! Lemme explain in four acts.

Emotionally traumatized or just a red flag?

Noahs Inability to love Colin

Yes, Noah wants him gone (and maybe it's needed too)

Nolin Endgame?

Disclaimer: this is 100% my characterization, feel free to disagree with anything said here. 

Noah giving Colin false hope numerous times and then complaining about it (red flag or emotional trauma?)

We know this. Colin confessed his feelings with the kiss and Noah stated, very clearly, that he isn’t in love with him. Then he proceeds to spend time with Colin, smile at him, joke with him, etc. Colin voices his opinion on that in the end of s26, saying he cannot be just friends. 

At the start of s27 Noah goes back to acting like that didn’t happen. They joke again, they touch, some even may say they flirt. And obviously that is bad and Noah is in the wrong for giving Colin false hope if he has clearly stated that he isn’t in love. 

The explanation I came up with for that: Noah views himself as unloveable and even if loved, it is never permanent and always temporary. 

He grew up with divorced parents and as a child you kinda automatically believe that the love your parents have for each other is forever. You are supposed to be the result of that. You grow into their love. The love your parents have for each other is the first love you grow up with and it is going to somehow determine your view on love in general, so obviously if someone like Noah grows up with his parents breaking up and moving on, how is he ever supposed to believe that love can be something permanent? 

He may believe Colin loves him but him showing up at the start of s27 like nothing happened and then ending up fighting with Colin proves that he thought it would have passed by now, that there would be no way Colin could still be in love with him but he is. And it doesn’t make any sense to Noah. 

Noah's Inability to love Colin and his ability to lose a friend. 

Noah needs a friend and Colin wants a lover and they are both fighting for that in a very similar way. Noah cannot lose Colin because, as he has stated numerous times, he is the only person that makes him want to stay. Noah never wanted to be at Einstein and there is still a big part of him that would rather be somewhere else but Colin, who has fought since the start to be his friend, makes all of it better and Noah cannot lose that because he realized he has to stay at this school. 

“I need you. As a friend.” And he quite literally does! Even if for us, as the audience, it's hard to hear him say that. This is not about Noah not loving Colin, this is about love being something complicated for Noah, whereas friendship isn’t, at least it isn’t supposed to be. Noah needs Colin to be uncomplicated, he needs him to make sense.

Noah loves what he and Colin have, as Colin is quite literally the first person he asks to help him with this very important thing right when they meet each other again and Colin is the only person he opens up to. Colin is quite literally the only person Noah talks to without there being anything that beneficial behind it. Colin is his friend and Noah loves him for that because it is, after all, their friendship that made Noah want to stay. It's their friendship that feels normal.

And when you have something that means so much, that is the most important thing to you, obviously you would not want to ruin it for your own benefit. Even if Noah is in love with Colin, I doubt he would, in this position, ever admit to it because it would mean losing the only thing that matters. 

Why did Noah tell him to leave then? 

Panic. And because he meant it. Noahs parents vowed to forever and still let each other go and perhaps never fought for one another. How is a possible relationship with Colin going to be any different if he is already one foot out the door? Loving Colin is a guaranteed loss in Noahs eyes.

Noah wants Colin to leave solely for the reason that they cannot function together when he stays. Noah will never allow himself to love Colin and Colin will never stop fighting for Noah to admit his feelings and it will destroy them, it already has. 

Nolin isn’t going to be canon…

…not like this anyways. There is too much fighting from Noah’s side and even if he stopped that fight in the next episode and suddenly confessed all his hidden feelings, I would hate for Colin to accept it because he’s been through hell because of this. He has waited, he has hoped and he has, most definitely, suffered because of Noah. So Noah has to come to terms with that first, he has to come to terms with not only his own feelings but also the ones Colin has. He hasn’t done that before, he has clearly never taken a moment to consider that Colin wholeheartedly and truthfully loves him because after all, he keeps forgetting it. Noah needs to view himself as someone that is capable of being loved, even after years of being proven wrong in that regard.

In order for these two to ever get together and be actually healthy, Noah needs to lose Colin first because right now, Colin is all he has, all he still has, even when they are fighting. 

It’s in the way Noah acted when he hadn’t seen Colin in so long over the summer holidays, how suddenly there was touching and flirting and how we were all sure Noah was just one step away from kissing that boy. There was also the big reveal of Noah’s home situation because these last few weeks he has been dealing with everything wrong in his life and there was no one there to help him. 

“Du bist der einzig normale Mensch für mich hier.” Somewhere between the summer holidays and school starting again, Noah at least realized that he needed Colin, that Colin was his safe haven, his place to rest, his only tie to happiness. Now it’s time for him to realize that again. 

He lost Colin once and now it might even be his fault that he will lose him again. Colin came back for Noah even after Julia asked him if he wanted to stay with her. He came back because he wanted to know how Noah felt and well, Noah told him pretty clearly, no?

Because this is his way of dealing with love; by destroying it.

Noah just probably didn’t realize how his own choices and his own words will destroy him soon enough as well.  

Conclusion: Noah Temel I hope you heal from everything that happened to you. You’re just a kid, you're not supposed to suffer from what your parents couldn't give each other.

#schloss einstein #nolin #noah temel #writing this hurt but i needed to get my truth out #i still fight for nolin endgame tho like these boys belong together they just need to get their feelings straight #manifesting noah breakdown bcs he needs it