#my dysphoria is out the roof and im feeling dysphoric about things that never bothered me before (like lack of facial hair)

[transpuppyprince]

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#TW FOR DEPRESSIVE THOUGHTS DYSPHORIA SELF HARM ANXIETY #i’m doing. really bad right now. well not /really/ bad i guess #but really bad in comparison to how i’ve been doing for a while. #my dysphoria is out the roof and im feeling dysphoric about things that never bothered me before (like lack of facial hair) #but i know that if i take T without finasteride then my chances of hair loss are really fucking high based on both sides of my family #and i can’t handle that #but that means no facial hair for me. #and i got that feeling bc i saw a guy yesterday with curvy hips/ass and nicely shaped but he was still very masculine looking #bc he was strong and had a nice beard and “masc” tattoos #and then on top of dysphoria today my housemate came home a week earlier than what he told me so i wasn’t prepared to see another person #and i hate how uncomfortable i am being around other people but i just. am. #plus my job has cut my hours and i don’t even know if i’m gonna be able to afford bills and i have no savings bc i get paid crumbs #so now i’m worried i’m gonna have to get another job and i really don’t want one bc change terrifies me plus i’ll lose my health insurance #and everything feels out of my control and i’m just not okay and about half an hour ago i picked up my box cutter and got very #close to self harming for the first time in a couple of years and then had a breakdown (didn’t cut at least?) and now i’m here #just screaming into the void in an attempt to deal with it #anyways if you read this far i’m sorry. and also i love you /pl