#my freshman yr of high school when i mapped out my master plan to go to college & i have not stopped since

[lesbianlenas]

love how i sedate myself to sleep & that’s when i’m like wow i should apply for an internship it’s bc i can’t get anxiety bc my blood pressure is low 🤩

#michelle speaks #the thing is. i am going to have to push back going to law school until next yr most likely #so i want 2 get an internship i can do remotely in the meantime bc i can’t afford 2 not be at home while i wait 2 go to school again #and there is nothing i can do here that would look good on my resume #but luckily a lot of places have remote options now so hoping i can get a good internship at least to build my resume + keep me busy lol #as much as i hate being at home ive actually come 2 accept that this is actually probably good for me bc i was so mentally exhausted in may #just from being overwhelmed by school/internship/law school apps that i was so burnt out #which i think has contributed 2 me having such a depressive downslope since i graduated bc once i didn’t have anything 2 keep me going 24/7 #my brain just like totally collapsed in on itself & i just felt completely empty etc #so honestly i think taking a gap yr and doing work and then starting law school next yr will b really good for me #& this time i can apply immediately once apps open in sept so i should easily get in to one of my target schools hopefully #like it sucks 2 b at home 4 a yr but like. i don’t think i could take law school in my current state :/ #although i do think if i had gotten in i would be feeling a lot more motivated rn. at the same time i don’t think i would have had #enough time to decompress from just how hard my senior yr was for me & i probably would have had #a breakdown by october lmfao. & that is not good in law school bc if ur in the bottom 25% they literally kick u out. so like. #i think it’s better 4 me to start when i have strengthened myself mentally & am ready 2 do it. which i will b by next fall #i think next fall i will be EXTREMELY ready to go for it 100%. i have honestly been going 24/7 w constant stress since #my freshman yr of high school when i mapped out my master plan to go to college & i have not stopped since #when i say i was so exhausted like. i did not even want to move in may. i was just so mentally burned out. #& i have felt sick abt the idea of not going to school this fall bc like my nonna has been putting a lot of pressure on me to go #& i understand why bc she doesn’t want me to get stuck at home & like neither do i. but there is no WAY i am not applying & going next yr #i have never let myself take a break since i just wanted to get out of my house so badly but goddd. i cannot do it anymore. i need a break. #and honestly i really appreciate how much she cares bc my parents don’t & that’s really hard #& i think once she knows that i have applied again & get accepted somewhere she will be fine too lol. #esp if i get a good internship in the meantime i think she will be happy 4 me #anyway i found an internship that i would loooooove to get that i could do remotely doubt i will get it bc i think the deadline passed #bc it said july 31st on handshake but the website says july 24th i can still apply though #but anyway it’s exactly my type of work & i can do it remotely so if i get it depression hrs over 🤩 #if u read all of that…..hope it was entertaining i guess #stan taylor from bb24 she’s my queen & i would do anything for her 🤩❤️