#my head hurt s obad

[jtbb]

:3

#my head hurt s obad #had a full on breakdown over never being able to focus ever #im so sick of having to like go out of my way to trick my brain into focusing just for short bursts of time #im so sick of constantly finding and trying new techniques to get my brain to focus #and they only ever work for like a few weeks at a time or i keep forgetting to use them or they only ever work halfway and ugh #its so tiring just trying to keep up w my homework and do the bare minimum #im still like weeks or close to a month behind in all my classes #which is fine rn cause my teachers dont mind stuff being late but its gonna hit me like a ton of bricks at the end of the year #IM SO TIRED i just want things to Stay Normal stay the Same forever i swear to god #every time im actually vibing and getting stuff done it dissolves within weeks at most #and like i dont entirely hate my hyperfixations like my big dumb torchwood hyperfix late 2020 #was what finally pulled me out of my years-long depressive episode since age 11 #but dear god i wish they didnt completely throw a wrench in whatever system i had in place before them #and made it literally impossible to focus #and like that time w torchwood i dealt w it i just listened to the torchwood soundtrack while doing homework #and it was super good at helping me focus while scratching the hyperfix itch in my brain #but i cant do any of that this time around!!! #other than like putting the club 57 instrumental on repeat like a fucking loser and probably annoying myself to death at the same time #i cant believe this is the biggest problem in my life rn i need to get a grip #hhh #ok well #tmrw will be very warm and sunny <33 #so at least i can go outside and vibe #and summers coming soon so i can bring my computer out and vibe in the heat and actually focus for once due to no wifi connection lmfao #worked like a charm last summer #ill pull thru it inevitably. even if it means getting a B or few #i just wish it didnt feel so shit #itll be ok tho #ily all #gn little gay people in my phone