#my main baby my main oc project that i cherished and hoped to make real in some way now feels like i should keep it private.

[end-orfino]

It just all feels more pointless now. I think i lost some of the spirit. I dont know if its temporary or how to get it back

#found myself less passionate about my ocs and their stories and about making them real one day #but not in a good way #its not letting me go of my perfectionism or whatever instead its just like. whats the point. theyre not that good anyways #theyre as in the stories #im increasingly aware of the plot holes and the parts that are kind of held together with string in order to make the plot make sense and-- #--im not sure if anyone ever could get as passionate about them as i was? #especially since like. *i* dont feel as passionate abt them as i said. #my main baby my main oc project that i cherished and hoped to make real in some way now feels like i should keep it private. #the other one that i was hoping to make into my first long term project remains unfinished plot-wise and i dont feel motivated to work-- #--on it further #the one that i think has an alright plot that i could share is just kinda in the bg #and also i always felt like i was good at like...symbolism...metaphors...parallels...this kinda stuff #i felt like my stories were something you could dig into #now it feels like i overestimated them #and theyre actually painfully simple and just. idk. feels like theyre not that good #maybe its because i recently didnt have time to work on them? #and fell into a fandom that has a painfully not-deep story where i also often feel like other ppl in the community dont want me there #maybe i gotta get away from that lol #but it doesnt feel like its gonna help. idk what will. #all of this isnt giving me any relief its just making me feel empty and like i thought too greatly of myself #bcs i still want to Make things and stories and now i just feel like im lacking at that??