#neurodivergence refers to So many different things you can call him autistic coded it’s okay i promise | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

creacherkeeper · 7 years

Note

I have an idea for a fic and I think you could do it better justice than I could, so here goes: Fitz realizes he's autistic after his child is diagnosed autistic. Partly inspired by your post thinking up an autistic fitz childhood fic and my own fitz as a dad feels after writing my little ficlet. Of course, if you don't want to write it, that's perfectly fine.

Processing Systems

sorry this took a while to write! femslash feb happened so you know how that is. but here it is! in all its very educational glory! (with some fluff, it’s not all boring)

3210 words

read on AO3

“Dr. and Dr. Fitz-Simmons, thank you for joining us,” the diagnostician,Dr. Booth, says, a professional smile on her face. Fitz and Jemma take a seatacross from her at her desk, while Caroline, as calm as the four-year-old canmanage, bounds into the diagnostician’s window seat and presses her faceagainst the glass, watching the cars go by outside, her hands twisting togetherin her lap.

“Thank you for seeing us on such short notice,” Jemma says.“Our schedules can be a bit … hectic, as you know, but you’ve been very accommodatingwith your time.”

“Of course.” Dr. Booth readjusts her glasses, peering at apile of papers on her desk. “Now, you said you were advised to come here byyour daughter’s school, correct? This wasn’t an unprompted decision.”

“She’s our first,” Fitz explains, glancing over to Caroline,who hasn’t moved, is just staring wide-eyed out the window. “And neither of ushave a lot of experience with kids. We didn’t think there was anything …different, about her.” He scratches at his face, then looks down at his lap,adding somewhat defensively, “We didn’t think there was anything to beconcerned about.”

“No one said anything about concern,” says Dr. Booth. “Youdon’t have to see this in a negative light. But if there is something to know,it’s good to know when your child is still young. There are steps you can taketo make sure your child is accommodated for, both at home and at school.”

“So there is something to know,” Jemma says, half aquestion.

“Before we get into the results, I just want the both of youto know the kind of strides that the field of psychology has taken in the lastdecade or so. We’re understanding different conditions more and more each year,diagnosis is becoming more accurate, treatment plans and accommodations aremore highly developed. There’s more to help families now than there ever hasbeen.”

“What are the results?” Fitz asks gruffly.

“Well,” Dr. Booth looks at her paper, a light smile on herface. “According to the tests we had Caroline do, as well as observation, and interviewswith the both of you, I’ve determined that Caroline does qualify for adiagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder.”

Jemma lets out a breath, looks towards Caroline, who doesn’tseem to be paying attention, and then towards Fitz, who’s eyebrows are drawntogether.

“There’s nothing wrong with my kid,” he bites out.

“I never said there was,” Dr. Booth assures him.

“You just said she has a disorder,” Fitz argues, facepinched in upset.

“Well, yes, that’s the official title. But not everyone seesit that way. Autism is classified as a disorder, but according to some schoolsof thought, it’s just one of the many kinds of neurodivergencies.”

“I guess—” Jemma starts, grabbing Fitz’s hand to rub herthumb along the side of his thumb, “we just don’t know much about it, is all. Imean, you hear things, but we aren’t really educated in the area. It’s inneither of our areas of expertise.”

“I can answer any questions you have, but let me explain alittle of the basics. Autism, or ASD, is classified as a developmentaldisability. It means that those with it—autistic people—hit developmentalcheckpoints at a different rate and sometimes in a different order than thegeneral population. It impacts aspects of communication such as spoken languageand body language, social skills, and will impact how autistic people processtheir environment and the world around them.”

“So it’s like …” Jemma risks a glance at Fitz, who’s notlooking at either of them. “It’s like having a different processing system inher brain.”

“Exactly,” Dr. Booth says. “Some autistic people compare itto being an Android phone in a world of iPhones. There’s nothing inherentlylesser about either system, they’re just different. They have different coding,run different apps, have different strengths and weaknesses. There are inherentchallenges in living in a world that wasn’t built for you, which is why it’s adisability, but every autistic person will have different ways of coping with andadapting to that. Some people can adapt in such a way that you wouldn’t be ableto tell the difference, and some people don’t.”

“So … you’re saying when she grows up, she might be—” Jemmawinces, thinking. “’Normal’, for lack of a better word.”

“No,” Dr. Booth says. “She’ll always be autistic, it’s notsomething you grow out of. Some people are just better at blending in. Forexample, most people wouldn’t guess I was autistic just from talking to me, butI am. And to be honest with you, I think it makes me even better at this jobthan most people are.”

“Because you can relate?” Jemma asks.

“That’s one reason. Autistic people are also highly attunedto the details of things, which is necessary when you’re a diagnostician. We’revery good at picking out patterns. There are certain advantages to having anautistic brain. Different strengths and weaknesses, like I said.”

Jemma squeezes Fitz’s hand, watching the side of his face.She can see he’s still obviously upset about something. “Doesn’t sound soscary,” Jemma says, trying to comfort them both.

“You know—” Fitz cuts himself off, glancing at the ceiling,then to Dr. Booth, then back up. “You know, where- where are you even gettingthis? She just- She seems like a normal kid. You- You say she’s different, butwhere are you getting that? How come you say my kid is so different? That she-she’s got different processing, or something.”

Dr. Booth watches him steadily, and finally he looks at her,then looks away. “You know, no one is saying this is a bad thing, Dr.Fitz-Simmons. There’s no need to be defensive about it. Having terms like thisto describe your child’s experiences can be a very helpful thing, in the longrun.”

“I think we would just be more comfortable if we understoodexactly where the diagnosis came from,” Jemma says, squeezing Fitz’s handagain.

“Of course,” Dr. Booth says, “I can explain how I came tothis conclusion. Well, I mentioned that autistic people process the worlddifferently. These differences in perception can affect our senses—manifestingin what we call sensory defensiveness and sensory seeking behaviors, of whichCaroline shows both.”

“Can you explain what that means?” Jemma asks, when Fitzdoesn’t say anything.

“We’ll start with sensory defensiveness. It means avoidanceof unpleasant sensory experiences, showing a level of sensitivity outside ofthe normal range. Caroline, for example, didn’t like when I turned the mainlight on in the testing room because it hurt her eyes, so we turned on a dimmerlamp instead. You both said that she startles easily and will cover her ears atloud noises, refuses to eat foods if she doesn’t like the texture, and is onlycomfortable in mild weather.”

“All that she gets from her dad, really,” Jemma says,smiling at him. “He’s always been sensitive to that kind of stuff.”

“Hey.”

“What? You have. You hate the cold, the heat, loud noises,certain foods—”

“Everyone has preferences,” Fitz defends. “Don’t seeanything wrong with that.”

“Let’s move on to the sensory seeking behaviors. Shedisplays what we call ‘stimming’—it’s short for self-stimulation. Autisticpeople do it to help themselves process their environment, both external andinternal. Stimming behaviors that Caroline displayed included hand flapping,hand twirling, bouncing, chewing on her lips and fingers—”

“Well, she gets that from me, too,” Fitz cuts her off. “I’vealways felt better when I’m in motion. She’s just twitchy, like me.”

“Okay,” Dr. Booth says, leveling him with a careful smile.“Her language skills are also a point of interest. She shows the capacity for avery advanced vocabulary, but rarely spoke when prompted. When she did, it wasjust to tell me about her favorite fish.”

“Oh yes,” Jemma says, beaming. “She does love fish. Allaquatic life, actually. She knows so much about it. It’s all she talks about,really.”

“And she showed an understanding of words far beyond her agelevel when she did, but for the most part she was silent. She obviouslyunderstood all my instructions, but didn’t respond to them.”

“I mean, she’s already above where I was,” Fitz says. “Ididn’t even speak ‘till I was six. But when I did, it was all about monkeys.She loves animals, just like me. She’s just focused.”

“We would call something like that a ‘special interest’,”Dr. Booth informs them. “It’s common for autistic people to want to focus on theirinterests when they’re by themselves, as well as a way of interacting withothers.”

“Was that all?” Jemma asks.

“Well, she also displayed what we refer to as ‘asymmetricalmotor skills’. Her fine motor skills, small movements, like her handwriting, werereally quite good. At or above the normal range. But gross motor skills, thingslike walking, controlling broad movement of her limbs when we played games,were much poorer.”

“Clumsiness runs in the family,” Fitz says. “I’m kind of aklutz. Good with my hands, though.”

“You know,” Dr. Booth starts cautiously, lacing her fingerson the table, turning to Fitz. “You seem to relate to an awful lot of thetraits your daughter displays, Dr. Fitz-Simmons.”

“W-Well—” Fitz scratches the back of his head, glancing atJemma. “I mean, she’s my kid. There’s going to be similarities.”

“Have you ever considered getting evaluated?”

Fitz just stares, Jemma glancing between them.

“What would that entail?” she asks.

“A similar process to what your daughter went through. A fewtests, an interview, some paperwork. It takes a few hours, when all is said anddone, over a day or two.”

“Sh-Should I?” Fitz asks, aimed at Jemma, mouth bobbing intoan open gape.

Jemma watches him carefully, then turns back to Dr. Booth.“What are the benefits?”

“Well, for adults especially, having an official word foryour experiences can be very relieving. It helps you to make sense of somethings that may have been in the dark in your life before. It can also help youfeel connected to other people like yourself—the autistic community is growingand thriving nowadays, and you can always reach out to other people who havesimilar experiences. And it opens avenues for accommodations in the workplaceas well, should you need them.”

She turns back to Fitz, giving a little shrug. “Is thatsomething you’re interested in?”

He looks away. “Maybe.”

“Well, I only evaluate children, but I can refer you to somevery good diagnosticians who evaluate adults as well. You don’t have to take meup on it if you don’t want to, but from my personal experience, I think it’ssomething worth looking in to.”

Fitz picks at the fabric of his pants. “Yeah, alright.I-I’ll think about it.”

“Our time is about up here, but before you go let me giveyou this—” She hands over a stapled stack of papers. “It’s Caroline’s officialdiagnosis results. You’ll find a full explanation of the results of each test,as well as her scores on the IQ portion of the test. That’s another thing tonote—her test scores vary highly over the different tests. Most people havemore concentrated scores, whereas Caroline scored within a range of 30thpercentile to the 99th. Also included in there is the next steps youcan follow: places to do more research, as well as the possible benefits ofthings like occupational therapy.”

“If we have any questions—” Jemma starts.

“Feel free to email me, and I’ll get back to you as soon asI can.”

Fitz takes the papers as he stands, bending and curling themwithin his grasp.

Jemma shakes Dr. Booth’s hand. “Thank you for your time, Dr.Booth, this has been very helpful.”

“I’m happy to do it. And can I just say, even though she wasa little scared when we started out, it’s obvious that Caroline is a very happykid. I think the two of you have done an excellent job of raising her so far,even without these resources.”

“Thank you,” Jemma says, “that means a lot.” She turns toCaroline, who’s still pressed against the window, looking like she hasn’t beenpaying attention at all. “Caroline, darling, we’re going now.”

Caroline jumps down from the seat, bounding up to Jemma inbouncing steps. She reaches up, and Jemma picks her up with a grunt and settlesher on her hip.

“Can fish be autistic?” Caroline asks, eyes wide, lookingaround the room.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were listening.” She glances atDr. Booth, smiling. “No, I don’t think they can be. I think it’s special tohumans.”

“Humans are fish,” Caroline says. “Everything’s fish.”

“Well, I don’t think that fish that live in the ocean can beautistic. Just people-fish.”

“What about dolphins? They’re mammals.”

“No,” Jemma laughs. “But they might have their own version.”

Caroline gives a noncommittalhum, then starts playing with Jemma’s hair.

Dr. Booth smiles at them. “Sosmart, that one. I think she takes after her parents.”

“Thank you again,” Jemma says,and then the three of them make their way out of the room.

As they’re walking out to thecar, Jemma watches Fitz, who hasn’t said anything.

“You’ll think about it?” sheasks.

“Yeah,” he replies. “I’ll thinkabout it.”

A month later, Jemma is sittingin their living room looking over some files, as Caroline lays on the floorlooking at a marine biology textbook. She doesn’t know how to read most of thewords (though she recognizes the shape of most of the species names), but shelikes looking at the pictures and diagrams.

The front door opens and closes,and Jemma looks up nervously.

“Fitz?” she calls.

“Just me,” is the response.

Her body relaxes, and she goes backto looking at the file as he takes off his shoes and hangs up his coat, thoughshe’s not really reading it. After a minute he joins them in the living room,plopping heavily onto the couch. There’s a set of papers clutched in one of hishands.

He’s quiet, and Jemma tries towait for him to speak, but after only a few seconds she can’t help herself.

“Well?” she asks. “What’d theysay?”

He uncurls the papers, and handsthem over. Jemma takes them, reading quickly.

Diagnosis: Autism SpectrumDisorder

She reads it again, then scanslower down on the page. There’s a lot about test results, results of theinterview, a lot of numbers that Jemma hasn’t started to unpack yet. But, thereit is. Plain as day.

“So,” she says.

“Yeah.”

“How are you feeling about it?”

He scoots down on the couch,tilting his head to rest against the back. He blows out a breath, fingerstwisting together on his stomach. “Relieved, I think.”

“Well … that’s good, isn’t it?This is a good thing.”

“It- It explains a lot of things.Things I’ve been confused about. Things that I didn’t necessarily have wordsfor, before. I just … I wish I’d known sooner.”

“Do you think it would’vehelped?”

“Yeah,” he admits softly. “I-SHIELD knew. I called Coulson and asked, it’s been on my file since theAcademy.”

Jemma’s brows furrow. “They knewand never told you?”

He shakes his head, eyes on theceiling. “Wasn’t in the policy to tell, I guess. And Coulson just assumed Iknew already.”

“Well, in any case,” Jemma says, “youknow now, and that’s what’s important. And, can I just say, I’m really proud ofyou for doing this. I know it was scary, but you went through with it anyway,and I think that was really brave. And I think this is going to be a goodthing, getting to learn more about yourself.”

“Yeah.” Fitz finally turns tolook at her. “Yeah, I think this is going to be a good thing, too.”

“And,” Jemma adds, “it’s justanother way that you can relate to our daughter.”

“That’s true,” Fitz says,smiling, and then scoots off the couch to settle on the floor in front ofCaroline. “Did you hear, monkey? Daddy’s autistic, too. We have the same kindof brain.”

“Shovelhead sharks clonethemselves,” Caroline replies, still looking at her book. “So they’d have thesame kind of brain, too.”

“That’s true.” Fitz nods. “Theywould. I didn’t clone myself, though. You can tell because you’re much cuterthan me.”

“She does have the curls,” Jemma points out.

“That she does.” He grins. “Oneof the many wonderful things she gets from me.”

“She gets some things from me,” Jemma quips, as he moves to sit back on thecouch next to her, grabbing up her hand. “Like her love of biology.”

“Ah- Love of animals,” Fitz shootsback, a teasing grin on his face. “Still from me.”

“I like animals.”

“You like dissecting them, Jem,that’s different.”

“Fine. What about her love oftidiness? That definitely comes from me.”

“Well … I do keep my lab verytidy. But she also keeps her room clean, which I do not, so sure, I’ll give youthat one.”

Jemma beams. “Hah. I knew therewas something.”

Fitz smiles, but eventually itdrops. “Do you … Do you think this is gonna change anything?”

Jemma tilts her head, peering athim. “Like what?”

“Dunno,” Fitz mumbles.

“I don’t think it’ll changeanything unless you want them to change.”

“If I do … d’you think that’sbad?”

“No,” Jemma assures him. “How youthink of yourself is going through a change, I don’t think it’s bad if you wantother things to change along with it. If anything, it might change how open youare with certain things about yourself. And how you think those things deserveto be treated.”

“Caroline … She’ll have names forall these things. She’ll understand it. Understand herself, better than I did.”

“Yes, she will.”

“And- And I’m glad we know, now.So we can give her the best life she can have.”

Jemma raises their conjoinedhands to press a kiss to the back of his. “You’re already a great dad, Fitz. You’realready giving her an amazing life. But yes, this will make things easier, nowthat we know.”

Fitz ducks his head, smiling, andthen turns to Caroline. “Hey, monkey, do you want to watch Finding Nemo? Youcan tell us all the species names when they come on screen.”

Caroline immediately jumps up,her hands flapping at her sides. “Yes, yes, yes!”

Fitz gets up to put in the DVD,and on his way back scoops Caroline off the floor and plops her onto his lap ashe settles back onto the couch. She presses back against him, picking up hishand so she can play with his fingers as she watches. Jemma leans against hisside, resting one hand on his leg.

“Amphiprion ocellaris,”Caroline says as the movie starts.

Fitz presses a kiss againsther hair. “Good job, monkey. Good job.”

#aosficnet #buskidsnet #lmao this is .... educational like i said #i hope it's not too boring #just wanted to really be able to explain some key things so that fitz has a base to go off of #also!! the kid is named after caroline herschel btw #because you know they would #and her special interest is ocean life because i'm mean and like irony :) :)#anyway enjoy!#leo fitz #jemma simmons #aos #fitzsimmons #unlessimwrongwhichyouknowimnot

45 notes · View notes