#obvi this takes place before borderland

[hatterstan-shameblog]

The Best Quiche in Tokyo

Rating: ‼️18+ Minors Do Not Interact ‼️

Warnings: explicit sexuality (it literally takes place at an orgy so like.......Y’know)

Characters: Hatter (Takeru), Aguni, and Female Reader (You)

Summary: When one of your customers invites you to a potluck-slash-orgy, you assume the “orgy” part is a joke—because nobody really hosts a potluck and an orgy at the same time, right?

Notes: One time, @nessinborderland (happy belated birthday btw) gave me the brilliant idea of Hatter hosting an orgy and serving really good food and I just......ran with it. This ended up being part comedy, part character study—and mostly features Aguni, if you can believe it! I don’t know, I just let the story take me where it wanted to go! (Also, this is definitely the longest thing I’ve written on here, so get ready to dig in!)

It’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon in March, and you’re standing in front of a hat shop. Well, technically, you’re slightly to the left of a hat shop, peering down a skinny alleyway in search of a door or a set of stairs—something to indicate that there is, in fact, an apartment up there and this is not just an elaborate prank.

There is a very good chance this is a prank—after all, the eccentric man who walked into your stationary store two weeks ago seemed...off. Not in a bad way, just. One-of-a-kind. Unique. Entirely himself, in a way that people usually aren’t.

Was he flirting or was he just overly friendly when he leaned in just a bit too close to see the various fonts available for his choosing? It’s difficult to say. He did seem genuinely interested to know the difference between serif and sans serif, which doesn’t much thrill your customers on the regular. Does asking for an extra business card ‘for his personal records’ count as a pick-up line? It’s hard to say. Not that it matters much, of course—you are a professional, he is a customer, and there’s nothing more to it.

And you really are a professional, because when he told you that he wanted—in metallic gold, 30-point, center aligned—to say, quote, “The Third Annual Springtime Potluck and Orgy: Presented by Danma Takeru,” you didn’t so much as bat an eye. Partially because he was very insistent that you spell his name correctly, and partially because. Well. How does a person respond to that?

In truth, he ended up being one of your better customers—he showed a genuine interest in the process while still deferring to your expertise—and when one of the printed invitations arrived in your mailbox, you figured you might as well go see what the fuss is about. It could be an opportunity to meet some new friends, maybe drum up a little business if you’re lucky.

And besides—a potluck-slash-orgy? Who would even do that?

The merry little jingle of bell catches your attention, and you turn your head to see a solemn-looking man peeking his head around the hat shop’s glass door. He looks at you. He looks at the plastic-wrapped pie in your hands. He looks back at you.

He frowns.

“Hi,” you say, putting on your most charming smile in the hopes that he’ll stop looking at you like you just slapped him across the face, “I’m, uh, I’m here for the party!”

You shuffle over to him, careful not to scuff the white of your sensible-yet-pretty patent leather heels on the sidewalk. Maybe you’re dressed too formally—he’s wearing a plain white t-shirt and a pair of jeans while you’re sporting a calf-length chiffon dress dyed in a lovely array of watercolor blues and violets.

Oh dear, what a faux-pas! There was no dress code listed on the invite, but maybe you should’ve dressed in a more casual fashion. You don’t live far, you could probably run home quickly and change...

“Do you...have an invitation,” the man asks, crossing his arms across his chest and furrowing his brow. Is he annoyed? No, no. He seems. Confused? Wary? How very strange.

“Oh, of course,” you answer, reaching a fumbling hand into your purse to search for the little pink envelope, “I almost forgot it walking out the door, but I remembered at the last second! I can be a bit scatterbrained sometimes!”

The man doesn’t say anything, but leans forward to inspect the invitation once you manage to produce it from the cluttered mess that is your handbag.

“I know the time said it started at three, but the pie took a little longer than expected. It takes time for the chocolate to set, and—“ you gasp, covering your mouth with your invite-laden hand, “I haven’t kept you waiting, have I? I’m so sorry, Mister...?”

“Call me Aguni,” he says, and his eyes narrow slightly when you give him your most chipper ‘thank you’ and apologize for not being able to shake his hand at the moment. What a strange man.

“You,” he asks slowly, “you read the invitation, right?”

“Of course I did! I’m the one who made them,” you explain, puffing your chest up with pride, “and our host was kind enough to send one to me! He must have really liked my work!”

“...Yeah,” the man called Aguni says, “I’m sure that’s it.”

But, to your pleasure, he steps aside and holds the door open for you to enter. Such a strange man, but at least he’s gentlemanly enough to hold the door for you as you step inside.

“Oh, wow,” you say, “this place is amazing!”

And maybe it sounds silly, but you’re being entirely honest. There are hats in shelves, hats hanging on the wall, hats on faceless plastic heads on the counter and placed atop a long wooden table to the left—all of them in different shapes and colors, embellished and feathered and ribboned to the nines. There’s a certain magic to a little place like this, a kind of whimsical charm you want to bottle and keep on the kitchen windowsill.

“Walls could use some paint. Floor needs polished, too,” Aguni says, “but...yeah, I guess it’s nice enough.”

You follow him as he leads you towards the back, your eyes drinking in all the details of this fascinating little shop.

“No, no, the walls and the floor are perfect,” you assert with a wide-mouthed smile, “it gives it character. Makes it feel...like home, I think.”

“Takeru says the same thing,” Aguni answers with a chuckle, “although I also think he just doesn’t want to put in the work. He’s...not very handy.”

There is a second door at the very back of the shop, and once again, Aguni holds it open for you. Perhaps his original air of discontent was a simple case of shyness—maybe he just takes a bit to warm up to people. Well, just wait until he tries your homemade triple-chocolate silk pie; you’ll be best friends in no time!

He leads you into a tiny courtyard, which is just barely big enough to hold a steep set of metal stairs and a handful of plant pots, which remain empty due to the early spring cold. But, oh, it must be so lovely back here when the plants are in full bloom! You say as much to your companion, who actually manages to smile a bit in your direction as he leads you up the stairs.

“Those are mine, actually,” he tells you, his boot-covered feet thunking up the stairs at a leisurely pace, “He lets me garden back here.”

You picture it—this tall, stoic man, kneeling on the ground, his gloved hands tending little green sprouts as the morning sun shines gold and warm on the cold stone ground. The thought of it warms you. Does he know anything about succulents? You’ve always thought they would look so cute in the shop...

“Look,” Aguni says when the two of you reach a very drab-looking door, “I’m not trying to be a jerk, but...you sure you’re ready for this?”

What an odd thing to say! Maybe you’re acting more nervous than you originally thought? It is rather daunting, walking into a party of strangers; but, nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?

“You’re sweet for worrying about me,” you respond, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, “but if everyone is half as lovely as you, I’m sure I’ll do just fine. I will probably stick with you for a while—if that’s okay, of course!”

“Alright, then.” Aguni says—and is that a hint of a blush you see creeping up his neck? All this time, you thought he was just being strange, but he’s just a little shy! You give his arm a knowing pat before withdrawing your touch, and he quickly turns around to unlock the door.

Are all of Takeru’s friends this adorable? You hope so. You follow your bashful escort inside—the genkan is already full of shoes, but you manage to squeeze yours in between a pair of snakeskin wedge heels and the wall. Aguni also removes his boots, and you’re happy he isn’t going to stay down in the hat shop the whole time. He can introduce you to everyone, and maybe—

You hear something. Was that...? No, no, you must be imagining things. You definitely did not just hear a woman moan on the other side of the wall. You stop and angle your head towards the door slightly to get a better listen. It’s all rather muffled (it must be well-insulated!) but there’s definitely some kind of music playing. Maybe it’s part of a song?

It happens again. This time, it’s deeper, and more of a prolonged “ah” sound. And then laughter. Aguni is looking at you in that concerned way of his again.

Instead of waiting for him to open the door for you a third time, you decide to take initiative and open it yourself—a show of confidence, to put his mind at ease. For a moment, it looks like he’s going to try and stop you, but he instead just crosses his arms and watches as you open the door to the rest of the house.

The first thing you see is candles. Little flickering spots of yellow-orange flame, winking inside clear glass votives. A trio of them on the kitchen table to the left, surrounded by a mismatched variety of trays and plates and bowls, each holding a different delicacy.

There’s a candle on the kitchen counter, next to the refrigerator. One on a bookshelf, which is filled to bowing with vinyl LP’s. Two on either side of the television, and a cluster of them on a coffee table next to a fishbowl of shiny gold squares and—

Oh.

Oh, dear.

There are limbs. Moving, writing, reaching. Hands grabbing. Mouths kissing. Mouths...doing things other than kissing. Oh, God, there’s boobs. And somebody’s butt. Aw, geez, there goes another one. How many naked people are there in here, anyways?

“Oh, hey!”

A familiar voice calls out from the fleshy throng, and your stomach drops. Like Venus emerging from the surf, you see Danma Takeru rise up from the crowd, hair mussed and smiling mouth smudged with at least two different colors of lipstick. While he does appear to be wearing some kind of brightly-patterned robe, the more he stands, the less confident you are that it’s actually covering anything.

You spin on your heel, unwilling as of the moment to become visually acquainted with your host’s penis, and you’re met once more with Aguni’s concerned stare. This time, though, you understand why he’s looking at you like that, and it makes the burn of embarrassment creeping up your neck that much hotter.

“Do you want to leave?”

This is. Oh, boy. This is a lot. Aguni must be able to sense your discomfort, although you imagine it’s rather palpable at the moment.

“I,” you say, “I don’t...know.”

And you say you don’t know because you truly don’t know what to do. Was it really so naïve of you to think that the ‘orgy’ part of the invitation was some kind of weird inside joke? Is there some kind of social protocol for these things?

You feel two hands descend upon each of your shoulders, and you try to convince yourself that they are slightly damp with sweat as opposed to any other kind of aqueous material.

“You made it,” Takeru exclaims with genuine excitement as he gives your person a gentle shake, “I’m so glad you decided to come!”

“He’s covered, don’t worry,” Aguni says to you before directing his attention over your shoulder, “I take it you didn’t tell her.”

“Tell her what?”

The hand on your right shoulder stays while the left slips away, leaving room for Takeru to stand at your side and squeeze you against him in a weird little half-hug. In another situation, you might enjoy the way the silk of his robe whispers against the skin of your arms, perhaps smile at the warm comfort of a lazy arm thrown about your shoulders like a heavy scarf, but. Well. Right now, it’s just a little...awkward.

Aguni rolls his eyes.

“About that,” he says, gesturing impatiently at the debauchery behind your back, “I mean, just look at her face.”

“Mori-chan, how could you be so rude to our lovely guest? Darling,” Takeru says, turning your face towards him with two fingers under your chin, “don’t listen to him, you’re...ah, I see what you mean.”

Is your expression really that bad? It must be, because Takeru very slowly and very carefully withdrawing his arm from around your shoulder and taking a generous step to the side. His mouth is twisted into a rather comical gaping frown, his eyes nervously darting side-to-side.

“In my defense,” he says, putting his hands up like some kind of fucked-out traffic cop at a four-way intersection, “the, uh, the orgy part was very prominent. Big letters, right at the top.”

“I,” you reply, “I thought it was...a joke?”

“This is why we don’t just hand out invitations,” Aguni grits through his teeth, “for fuck’s sake, Takeru, we’ve talked about this!”

“I know, I know. I am humble enough to admit when I’ve fucked up, and this time, I have fucked up in a truly spectacular fashion,” Takeru’s gaze shifts from horrified to quizzical as he scrutinized you for a moment, “Unless...you’d like to stay?”

You look at the pie. The slowly-warming chocolate is beginning to sweat beneath the thin film of plastic wrap you so lovingly secured with lilac ribbon.

“Or you could slap him on the way out,” Aguni offers, “he’s very slap-able.”

“It’s true! And when you slap me,” he whips his head to the side suddenly, “my hair does that and it looks really cool!”

Yeah, okay—it did look pretty cool. But, does he deserve to be slapped? Probably for something else, but not for this. It’s a simple misunderstanding, and honest mistake on both your parts.

“I want...” you start, and the way they’re looking at you, wide-eyed and breath-bated, reminds you of the final rose ceremony on The Bachelorette.

It’s kind of hilarious, actually.

“I, uh,” you continue, “I want to...to put this in the refrigerator, if that’s okay? It’s, uh, starting to melt...”

To say that Takeru’s face lights up is an understatement. With a mega-watt smile and a sparkle in his eye, he swoops his arm back around your shoulder and begins leading you towards the kitchen.

Although you have (almost) gotten used to the sea of strangers fucking and moaning in the background, you still choose to politely avert your gaze as you pass them by. You instead focus on Takeru, who has taken this opportunity to explain the inner-workings of...whatever this is.

“...And I personally see to it that these events remain exclusive,” he says, “Although I do occasionally invite outsiders, such as yourself. You were just so sweet and helpful, I couldn’t resist trying my luck and sending you an invite.”

“Thank you,” you say, “although, I, uh...”

He opens the refrigerator door and motions for you to place the pie inside. Luckily, it’s mostly empty, save for a collection of bottled water and a tin of what looks to be cat food. You’re grateful to not have to carry it around anymore, and thank him for his assistance.

It’s finally time for you to acknowledge the proverbial ‘elephant in the room’—except, you’re not exactly sure how to begin.

“I,” you start, stopping to bite your lip, “I, uh. Is it okay if I...don’t, y’know, do the whole...uh...sex thing?”

“Oh, do you prefer to watch?”

“No! I mean, no, uh,” you laugh nervously, “I’m just...”

Takeru chuckles.

“I’m only teasing. You’re more than welcome to skip the sex and go straight to the food. As long as you’re on the kitchen side, nobody will touch you. It’s one of our rules.”

He motions for Aguni to come over with a wave of his arm, smiling when the tall man comes to lean against the kitchen counter.

“Mori-chan also prefers to abstain from the more salacious aspects of our little gathering, so the two of you can keep each other company.”

“I’m usually in charge of the food,” Aguni adds, “and I try to make sure the candles stay lit.”

“I, uh, I noticed those on the way in. They’re nice.”

Takeru leans towards you as if he’s about to share a secret.

“I don’t mean to be indelicate,” he says in a low tone, “but there is a certain stench that comes with these events. Sweat, musk, various secretions...it all really adds up in the end.”

“It’s awful,” Aguni concludes, “but candles help dissipate the worst of it.”

“Oh, and the ambiance,” Takeru exclaims, “there’s just nothing like candlelight to really get people in the mood for—“

A sharp ding! makes you jump. From what you can gather, it came from the small oven to Aguni’s left.

“Hold it right there,” Takeru growls towards Aguni, who had been in the middle of donning a pair of floral-printed oven mitts, “she needs thirty more seconds.”

Aguni looks at you and rolls his eyes. You stifle a giggle behind your hand, hoping your host doesn’t notice.

“I saw that,” Takeru snips towards Aguni, “honestly, Mori-chan, you get one new friend...”

And even though he’s mid-scold, there remains a joviality to Takeru’s tone—a testament, you believe, to what can only be a long-standing friendship between him and Aguni. It’s hard not to feel jealous of their easy back-and-forth, their banter like a well-matched game of tennis.

“Now you can take her out,” Takeru says, “but, so help me God, if you don’t let her rest for seven minutes–“

“–They’ll never find my body, I know, I know,” Aguni finishes, gingerly placing a metal pan on the stove, “Look, we’ve got it handled. You can go back to your side of the party and I’ll call you when it’s plated.”

“Fine,” Takeru answers with a false pout, “but only because I know she’ll keep you honest.”

And just like that, it’s just you and Aguni once more—but, this time, he seems much more at ease to have you around. Happy, almost. It must be kind of boring, sitting alone in a kitchen while everyone else is...well, busy.

“So,” you say, moving to Aguni’s side to peer into the baking pan, “looks kind of like...a quiche?”

“Not just any quiche,” Aguni answers, opening the drawer to his right and digging a hand inside, “the best quiche in Tokyo.”

He pulls out a shiny silver chef’s knife and places it on the counter. Next comes a pair of dainty forks, delicate little things one might use for tea cakes at a French-inspired bistro. Knowing what you know about Takeru—which, granted, isn’t very much at all—it doesn’t surprise you in the least.

“You’re in front of the plates,” he says, tapping the cabinet directly in front of your face, “grab us some?”

“But we’re supposed to wait seven minutes,” you protest, all while following his instructions, “it’s only been...like, three.”

Aguni’s eyes take on a glint of mischief.

“Only a problem if we get caught.”

Honestly, it looks divine. Pillowy-soft and the perfect pale-yellow hue, delicate tendrils of steam billowing out as he drags the knife through. You hadn’t ever seen a non-rectangular quiche before, but you suppose it makes sense; there are a fair few people in attendance, and the standard circular composition wouldn’t quite feed everyone.

He serves you first. A corner piece (which he insists are the best), speckled with herbs and studded with little pieces of what you assume to be some kind of ham. Little strings of cheese stick to the blade of the knife, and Aguni scrapes them off with the side of a fork, which he then hands to you.

“Takeru doesn’t cook much,” Aguni explains, playing his own small square, “but when he does...”

The sound that comes from your mouth as you take your first bite of quiche could rival any of those happening in the orgy across the room. Oh, that is so good! Buttery crust, the salt of cheese and ham, the subtle bite of onion—and there’s something else there, something you can’t quite place, but you know it tastes absolutely heavenly. Immediately, you take another bite.

“Grew the herbs de Provence myself,” Aguni mentions, “He refuses to use store-bought.”

“Makes all the difference,” you respond, “I could eat the whole pan by myself.”

“I did that for my last birthday, actually,” Aguni chuckles around a forkful of quiche, “Takeru insisted on putting all thirty-eight candles in before carrying it to the table—you know, like a dumbass. Part of his hair caught fire, and I had to give him a haircut at two in the morning because he was so distraught.”

The two of you laugh—Aguni at the memory, and you at the idea of a tearful Takeru sulking as Aguni snipping the fried locks with a pair of kitchen shears.

“He forgave me, even though I took a whole two inches off,” Aguni sets his empty plate in the sink and looks out of the small window above it, “He’s not a bad guy, you know. Doesn’t always make the best choices, sure, but he’s got a good heart in him.”

There is a sadness here, something in Aguni that speaks to a troubled past you haven’t quite unearthed yet—and you know better than to press him, especially here, especially now.

“Well, I can’t say I’m an expert,” you say, handing him your plate, “but you two seem like decent people. Orgies aside, of course.”

“Of course,” Aguni nods, “though I don’t suppose you’ll come to the next one, will you?”

For the first time since your arrival, you allow yourself to watch the festivities happening across the room. It isn’t that bad, you suppose—it’s just a group of people having a fun time together, laughing and gasping and enjoying each others’ bodies in a safe and comfortable place. It’s not something you necessarily want to do yourself, but...well, the ‘weird’ factor of the whole thing has gone down exponentially over the past hour or so.

“And miss out on the best quiche in Tokyo,” you say, nudging against Aguni’s arm with your shoulder, “not a chance!”

#alice in borderland #hatter #danma takeru #alice in borderland netflix #spicy boy #morizono aguni #writings and such #THIS TOOK ME OVER A MONTH TO WRITE OH MY GOD #alice in borderland fanfic #obvi this takes place before borderland #so I guess this is an au? #also I hinted at Ziggy the cat because I am self-indulgent and evil #can’t believe I actually wrote it lads

[hatterstan-shameblog]

Alright, Fine, I’m Doing Hatter’s NSFW Alphabet Too Because We’re All Thinking About It And It’s About Damn Time Someone Did Something About It

THIS IS 18+ (OBVIOUSLY) SO IF YOU’RE UNDERAGE PLEASE DO NOT READ

also I’m just doing random word association mixed with like a legit prompt thing so like........we’ll see how that goes lol

💖 Happy Valentine’s Day Everybody 💖

💕 18+ ONLY MY DUDES SERIOUSLY 💕

Also, before we begin here, I want to establish a few things.

I do not think he is type of person to have a legit relationship. I think he has what he would call “affairs” where he sleeps with someone more than once but doesn’t do the whole “boyfriend” thing.

The Letter D talks about being suicidal, so if you don’t want to read about that, just skip it! I don’t have that kinda stuff anywhere else in here! I’ll also place asterisks by it just so you don’t end up reading something triggering!

EDIT BECAUSE I FORGOT TO MENTION IT BEFORE: he’s bisexual. We all know that. But we gotta mention it again because it’s so important.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I’m thinking.........casually affectionate.

First he’s like “you good?” (as if you wouldn’t be good after getting with that lol) and if you’ve got a vulva he’s like “alright go take a piss” because you ALWAYS PEE AFTER SEX OKAY and this guys been around the block enough times to know what’s up and not be weird about it

Down to cuddle a little bit, let’s you lay your head on his chest and kinda plays with your hair a little bit (if applicable). Shares a cigarette with you if you’re into that sort of thing.

Honestly enjoys pillow talk. Might like that better than sex sometimes. But obvi he won’t tell you that sooooooo......

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite part of his body is every part let’s be real

Favorite body part of his partner’s, though?

He’s all about that COLLARBONE AREA BABEY, sees that décolletage and is like 😳😍 HOO BOY GOTTA GO LIE DOWN FOR A SEC

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) Coping

Alright full disclosure I blushed too hard to handle the original question because it just felt SUPER explicit to me (which is the point I know lol)

But also I think the better “C” word is COPING because this guy definitely uses sex as a COPING MECHANISM

I mean just look at him at the Beach, he was cozying up to those two ladies in the gold bikinis (absolute queens btw) as he was descending into madness or whatever

I think sex is something that he does to a) get validation and b) feel close to other people because he often feels detached

Is this necessarily a good behavior? No. And I think he knows it, but chooses to partake anyways because he craves escapism and closeness without letting anyone in

***D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)**** (This is the one where we talk about being suicidal so skip this if you don’t wanna read!!!)

“Dirty secret” is that he struggles with mental illness/being suicidal very frequently but doesnt talk about it

Now lemme soapbox for a second and tell you all that mental illness is not a “dirty secret” but in fact a very real and prevalent thing, there is no need to be ashamed of mental illness, it is something that can be treated and ‘worked with’ and you are not lesser for having it! Also, don’t be afraid to reach out to someone you trust if you’re having issues, especially if you are feeling suicidal! There IS help out there, and just know that I am rooting for you to have better days!

........but our guy, hatter, refuses to be vulnerable 99% of the time and therefore does not get the help he needs

I think all of his ‘risky’ behaviors and the fact that he was like ‘we have to make a world with hope!!!!!!!’ when he got to borderland are SO TELLING, like he was trying so hard to handle his stuff alone and make everything better but he wasn’t doing the internal emotional work and everything just kept piling up for him and he felt like there was no way out and :(

....................And now we’re all sad

(ALRIGHT ITS OVER BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED SMUT)

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

King Slut (Reverent)

Just really likes sex so he’ll get with a just about anyone—digs the idea of having lots of different experiences, so any time someone new wants to get with him he’s like “alright, neato!” and goes for it

Does the man know what he’s doing??? My guy. My dude. The man KNOWS what TF he’s doing.

Between his canonical background in sex work (level of involvement is murky but tbh I think he probably fucked people for money back in the day, #respect that hustle) and his honest-to-goodness love of getting laid, he’d take pride in providing his partner(s) with a fulfilling experience

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

ALRIGHT ARE YOU READY FOR THIS ONE (you’re not ready)

I think he likes...........MISSIONARY

YES really!

Think about it. He likes being in power, in control, right? Well I think being able to see his partner’s face is a THING for this guy, like he wants to SEE you lose your mcfreakin mind as you get railed within an inch of your life. And then you’re looking back up at him, and you’re just letting him control the pace and the depth and he’s just like SO INTO THAT

His SECOND favorite is something he usually doesn’t do, it’s one of those “reserved for trusted partners” kinda things: the lotus position (or whatever it’s called; the one where person a is like sitting in person b’s lap, face to face, very intimate) because there’s a shit-ton of physical contact and it’s very intense and soft and he just needs that sometimes okay???

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

I think it really depends on the partner

If his partner seems nervous or something he tries to get them to laugh, loosen up a little, make them feel less intimidated or whatever (he’s into ‘shy’ not ‘kinda freaked out’)

Or if theyre being goofy he’ll play off of that, definitely appreciates a good laugh both in and out of bed

Also I think he’d have a weird laugh (not important but I just think it’s true)

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) Handsy

We can do better than “personal grooming habits” so I give you: handsy.

What does that mean? It means he’s very touchy-feely. Likes to have his hands on his partner a lot, slip a hand around their waist, might try to cop a feel if he thinks he can get away with it

BUT I think he reserves this side of himself for private situations only, doesn’t want other people knowing he’s got a soft side

UNLESS he thinks it’d make someone jealous. He lives for the drama.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

One night stands and all that aside, I think he’s actually a bit of a romantic.

Likes to go slow, have it be really sensual and soft.

Can and WILL use little pet names if the situation calls for it, like “sweetheart” and “love” and all that (especially if the other person gets shy about it!!!)

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Of course the guy jacks off, sometimes if you want something done right you gotta do it yourself y’know???

Here’s a weird one but I think it fits: not super into porn, particularly videos. Gets too distracted by the plot and the actors or whatever. Has a collection of magazines though, sometimes flips through those for *~*inspiration*~* but mostly just uses the ol’ imagination to cook up something spicy

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

*rubs my evil little palms together* don’t @ me, but.........

Virginity/Purity/Innocence/Corruption Kink (whatever you wanna call it but yeah we’re going there)

Consider: the tease. The anticipation. Slowly coaxing his shy partner into pleasure. Shushing, reassuring. Teaching them, guiding them. Being completely in control. His partner, lost in him, surrendering. Discovering something new at his hands. The idea of him being the man they compare all other men to? *slams hands on table* YOU CANT TELL ME HE DOESNT LOVE THAT KINDA THING

It’s all about that POWER and that EGO BAYBEEEEEEEEEE

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

This doesn’t fit with the last one at all BUT he appreciates getting freaky in a nightclub restroom. It’s, like, an aesthetic thing.

Also just likes beds. Big on being comfy. Thinks it’s very sexy when people have sheets draped tantalizingly *just so* over their bodies.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Gentle touches are this mans lifeblood

Somebody sneaks a hand beneath that cool-ass kimono and just lets it rest on his chest? 🙏🙏🙏

Run your fingers through his hair at your own risk

And when his partner bites their lip OH that’s the good stuff

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

I don’t think there’s a lot he wouldn’t do, honestly. I imagine he’s a very “I’ll try anything once” person.

Not really into pain or violence, either. He wants his partner to want to submit to him, he doesn’t want to force it.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Does he like getting sucked off, particularly (as mentioned before) in the bathroom of a bar/club? Absolutely.

But his TRUE passion, his real joie de vivre, is eating pussy. Cares deeply about it. Has a whole theory how it is the perfect marriage of art and science, is willing to outline his technique—it just MATTERS to him, y’know?

Also pretty good with sucking dick and definitely gets into it too but just slightly less.

Also. On the topic of facesitting (😳). That gets a big 👍 👍 from the guy.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) Pegging

Men get pegged 2k21

For real though I think he’s definitely tried it and would be into it

But ONLY with a trusted partner, maybe he’s got someone in his address book with a little star next to their name and he calls em up sometimes and is like “...so I was thinking...” and they’re like “say no more, I’ll be over at 7”

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

I would say a good 75% of this guys encounters are quickies or just random hookups

“My Uber is gonna be here in ten minutes” “I only need seven”

Would he be the type of person to, say, take you to the theatre and pull you into the coat closet during intermission for a little somethin-somethin? Obviously. Slips some cash into the attendants breast pocket, “you saw nothing ;)”

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Absolutely experiments and takes risks, likes trying new things.

Here for a good time not a long time, y’know?

EXCEPT he absolutely will NOT have unsafe penetrative sex. Like that is 100% a no-go. Also gets tested pretty frequently (goes to a clinic slightly out of the way because they have the good lollipops there, I’m not even joking, he would definitely do that) because he simply doesn’t want to deal with all that bullshit. Also the habit kinda stuck from his sex work days, soooooo that works out.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

I think, if he’s got someone ~staying the night~, he’s a 2 rounds at night and then another in the morning kinda guy.

Sex literally right after you wake up? Hell yeah hell yeah hell fuckin yeah

I’m not saying the guy doesn’t last long, but I’m saying that he doesn’t need to keep going for like an hour, if ya pickin up what I’m puttin down

Plus I think he’s adhd as hell and would get distracted by something if it kept going too long lol

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

I think if someone comes to him and is like “I like this thing” he’d be like “oh hell yeah let’s use that”

I think he probably prefers doing things the old fashioned way (read: he’s good with his hands) because of the human touch element being so important to him

I don’t think he owns many (if any) personal toys BUT I DO think he has a special piece of silky fabric for being blindfolded (he’d be super into that, relying on touch, little bit of surrender, you know) because he is very sensory and regular blindfolds just wouldn’t cut it (aesthetically or with the softness quotient)

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh he LOVES to be a tease

Tf you think that open robe was for my dudes???

Also I don’t wanna say he like gaslights you into thinking he wasn’t teasing but he’s just like “I was just getting your hair out of your face I was trying to be nice” and you gotta be like *sigh* “why’d your hand linger for that extra second tho” and he’s just like 😬😬😬

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

I don’t think he shuts tf up ever and that includes in the bedroom

Likes to tell his partner what’s he’s going to do to them, definitely tells them when they do something he likes

Asks if what he’s doing is good/okay constantly, and it’s 20% a consent thing but 80% a “I want to make you tell me how good I am” kinda thing (#ego much?)

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Alright we’re gonna get wholesome for a minute!

I think his first kiss was when he was slightly older than a lot of people think, like maybe 17-ish? And I think he was kinda nervous and blushing at first but then it happened and he was like “wow!!! actually this is great!!!” and it was all very cute and sweet (even though he never saw the other person [I headcanon woman] again)

Slightly less wholesome, however, but still kinda nice: he loves making out with people, doesn’t always need it to progress to sex or whatever! Just likes it, thinks it’s real neat to touch and be touched!

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Y’all wanna know dick size don’t you?

Well I’m here to be disappointing because I actually haven’t really given it a lot of thought? I also don’t think that it matters tbh

But what I DO know is that we got to see a fair amount of him in the show (shoutout to the costuming department geniuses on that whole-ass LOOK) and like.................we know he cute

AND you know what? I think he’s got a tattoo. Just a little something, maybe on the hip? Idk what of, necessarily, but I think it’d be smaller and simple. Little heart outline, maybe? Just something a little sexy and fun he can have as a little secret.

he’s a tall drink of water and, darlings, im PARCHED

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Damn high

Always dtf

I don’t think he lets himself really ‘yearn,’ instead he just goes out and hooks up with some rando if he wants to get laid lol

Z = Zzz (do they fall asleep right after?)

I don’t think he falls asleep immediately after because he likes talking and all that, but the second you say goodnight? My dude he is OUT, he is GONE, he falls asleep INSTANTLY and GOD HELP YOU if you have to wake him up

Only needs like 4 hours of sleep too so if you’re spending the night together he’s almost always definitely up and either out the door (ditches people a lot, leaves a note on the pillow like ‘thanks’ or something) or he’s been spending the last three hours scrubbing the bathroom and doing yoga and finishing a crossword puzzle

But then will totally come back to bed, try to trick you into thinking he never got up in the first place so he can try to get some of that sweet and spicy morning sex (spoilers: he can usually get it)

#spicy boy #the SPICIEST BOY oh wow #alice in borderland #danma takeru #hatter #boshiya #come talk to me about this I’m always down to hear what u think #writings and such