#ocd already gives you these things called 'quasi-hallucinations' which are like...mirages kind of but for sensations?

[musical-chick-13]

Someone please explain to me why my mother is dying-on-this-hill against me being on a tiny (read: chlidren’s) dose of a prescribed mood booster, but is not only considering but actively encouraging me to take part in a newly experimental drug study involving PSYCHEDELICS.

#no to actually studied and doctor-approved meds but yes to HALLUCINOGENIC DRUGS????? #maybe it's helpful but I'm not gonna find out #ocd already gives you these things called 'quasi-hallucinations' which are like...mirages kind of but for sensations? #(and sometimes for things you can see too) #I DON'T NEED MORE OF THAT??????!!? #WHY DO YOU THINK I'VE NEVER DONE DRUGS. INCLUDING LEGAL WEED. WHY DO YOU THINK I'VE ONLY GOTTEN DRUNK ONCE #IT'S BECAUSE ME + LOSS OF CONTROL IS A /VERY BAD TIME/ AND ALSO MY /WORST/ FEAR #if this study can help people I genuinely wish it the best but I do not have enough words in all languages combined to explain why this #would be a bad idea for me personally I DO NOT UNDERSTAND #my mother: but you've tried everything and you're not Cured™ :( #also my mother: *tries to strong-arm me into things that have proven to actively make my mental illness worse and cuts off my financial #access to different medications I haven't tried yet because 'iT's dAnGErOuS'* #like. gee lady I wonder why an illness that has a near-universal lack of complete permanent remission is still a problem in this environment #oh but the Physical Illness™ she's willing to try ANYTHING and EVERYTHING my well-vetted doctors suggest and to be on any meds they #prescribe because. you know. of course she is. of course she has to be a hypocrite in this way just like she always is *rme* #tw: ableism