#ok lmao yeah i wrote 2800 words and i cried a total of six times but this is also HALF ELIZA'S FAULT

[lucadansembourg]

                                                                                           HSHQTASK023. 

                                                   luca & henri. 

(  LISTEN ALONG  )

                                                                                                        feat. @henridorleans

“please hurry leave me, i can't breathe, please don't say you love me.”  - track 001. first love/late spring by mitski. 

the actual  first time they meet is irrelevant, an event neither remembers. surely, over the years they’ve had conversations, somewhere, sometime. but none of them truly matter, not when faced with what they become. there’s nothing of note between them, at least nothing before the cold november night in luxembourg that they actually meet for the first time. 

the setting is a slightly seedy bar in a back alley in the heart of luxembourg, where luca d’ansembourg is chasing the bottom of a bottle yet again. he’s become something of a regular, a ruling monarch always sitting in the same booth in the back. none of the other regulars dare to bother him, they haven’t since nathalie died and luca became a shell of himself. but the color has started to return to his cheeks, word on the street is he’s begun to heal. 

maybe that’s why he seems approachable. 

henri d’orleans is traveling. he’s been north of paris, into belgium and finally he’s wound up with a few nights in luxembourg city. what draws him to the bar is unknown even to him, perhaps fate leads him through the doors. it’s nice enough, isn’t it? it takes almost an hour for him to notice the man in the booth in the back, pouring out his sorrows into a glass of whiskey yet again. 

they meet and they don’t use any bullshit titles or last names that could give them away. 

late that night, when they return to the little apartment luca keeps “just in case” they’re just people. and if luca is a little bit broken and henri is still searching for something he can’t quite grasp, they don’t mention it. 

“ oh, but i was just a placeholder a lesson to be learned oh, i was just a placeholder a place you will return.” - track 002. placeholder by hand habits.

luca wakes the next morning to his phone ringing over and over again. it’s wilhelmina, frantic with worry after luca had disappeared into the night. she’s worried, because of course she is. they’re d’ansembourgs, all they seem to do is worry these days. he tries to stay quiet, to not wake henri. 

“i’ll be back at the palace in a few hours, don’t worry, wilhelmina.” 

maybe it’s the mention of the palace, maybe it’s the way luca says wilhelmina like an exasperated older brother.

but henri has heard the entire conversation and is beginning to fit the puzzle pieces together. 

the way luca never asked for another drink, he was simply handed one by the bartender. the stares he’d gotten from the other regulars for daring to speak to the king. the expensive apartment that no one seemed to live in. it all added up to an image of the king of luxembourg henri hadn’t expected. 

he makes his excuses and goes, practically sprinting out the door with a new perspective on french relations with luxembourg. he leaves the tiny country that afternoon, the bruises still fresh on his skin, a reminder that the night before had really happened. 

luca takes a moment to put himself back together and then meets his twins and siblings for lunch, and tries to push the night out of his mind. he doesn’t frequent the bar like he used to, and when he does he even manages to give them a smile, a real one this time. maybe a night out was just what he needed. maybe he just needed to be normal for a moment. 

they swear they don’t think about it, but they do. 

“we try and connect the dots and the facts how do we have to be here? 'cause these hotels, i just can't relax the more i bend, the worse that i snap i feel like a goddamn maniac .” - track 003. ruins by jade bird.

it’s new year’s eve, and there’s far too much going on. it seems the whole world is here, every royal from every country in one ballroom in paris. for henri d’orleans, this is his element. he’s charming and easy to speak to, always able to talk his way into and out of conversations on a whim. 

on the other hand, luca d’ansembourg is simply terrible at events like these. when it’s small groups, he can almost manage to seem normal, but with the movement of the crowd and the volume of the room, he’s barely said twenty words to those around him. he prefers to be a wallflower, usually, but his sisters have been pestering him about making new friends. it’s not going well. 

luca spots him across the room and trails off mid-sentence. no one around him notices. 

he looks almost the same, if not a just a little bit more dressed up. 

that’s henri, from the bar. that’s henri, the prince of france. luca can feel the panic set in as their eyes meet across the ballroom, and he only holds henri’s gaze for a second before dashing towards an alcove he’d noticed earlier. 

he doesn’t expect henri to make his excuses and follow him. 

he’s plotting his escape and how easy it will be to become a recluse and never leave the grand palace again when henri appears in his line of vision. and even if they’re alone in the alcove, they might as well be alone at the world. 

when they’re together, it’s like everything else seems to fall away. the responsibilities, the titles, the riches, none of it matters. 

they’re counting down to the year 2019 in the ballroom, but the pair don’t seem to notice, too caught up in each other once again. it seems like the world stops as they gravitate towards each other. 

the kiss may not happen exactly at midnight, but there’s no one around to police it. 

“and it’s no one’s fault but yours at the foot of the house of cards. you thought you’d never get obsessed,  you thought the wolves would be impressed. and you’re a sinking stone, but you know what it’s like.” - track 004. the jeweler’s hands by arctic monkeys.

henri leaves before the sun comes up, almost like a force of habit. 

it’s easier that way, he always tells himself. it’s better if they just... don’t talk about it. especially because he’s not going to stick around, even if luca asked him to. it’s not personal, just... henri doesn’t need anything more, he never has. the life of royalty made things like falling in love out of question. 

when luca wakes on the first morning of the year, he’s alone. 

and he’s only able to feel bad about himself for a minute, before he decides that he’s kind of grateful that henri is gone. he wouldn’t know what to say, other than the obvious. and then he’s definitely glad he’s gone, when wilhelmina barges into his hotel room without warning. he’s dodged a bullet that morning, but he can’t help but feel like this is the start of something. 

and it is. 

“honey you are nothing to me but alcohol and dopamine. i’m dying on the sofa and i barely know the time like an old man, say i reckon, i love you for a millisecond, but i don’t wear a watch or rolex.” - track 005. presumably dead arm by sidney gish.

they meet again in mid-february at a coronation, and it’s the same song and dance. 

even if argentina is an entirely different type of place than paris, it’s still just a bit too lively for luca’s preferences. the events hosted in buenos aires are filled with dancing and parties that are just too much, but luca still attends, even if he hangs out in the corner for the entire night, watching the crowd move around him. it’s not out of some sense of duty he’s terrible at having, but because his siblings are yet again badgering him into “making new friends” and “coming out of his shell” like he’s some sort of shy schoolgirl. 

henri is having a marginally better time, if only because he’s got the ability to thrive in a social setting. light on his feet and giving with words he doesn’t actually mean make him a favorite for the people who want to dance, and he catches luca’s eye sometimes across the room and his chest will twist in a weird way that he can’t quite place. when he runs out of partners and people to talk to, he’ll check that same corner and find it empty, luca leaving the parties just before henri can go looking for him. 

on the last night of their trip, luca shows up on henri’s doorstep with a half smile and they fall into bed together yet again, this time with the ease of practiced lovers. and maybe it’s just a little bit too close to something he can’t take back, but when henri wakes the next morning luca is gone, his side of the bed cold. 

“but the light in the hallway and the silence in my room... said i don’t think i’ll get used to losing you.” - track 006. losing you by flyte.

luca goes back to luxembourg to an empty palace and he’s glad that his entire family is gone, his siblings taking his girls on a trip for that weekend. he lets himself wallow in pity for a day, asking all the questions that must be common for widowers who are trying to figure everything out alone. 

he sleeps in his twins’ empty room, unable to stand his own, the room still standing untouched. it’s a monument to his late wife, he can’t bring himself to even more things off her bedside table yet. it’s too fresh, even if it’s been an entire year. for a place that once was a sanctuary built by a woman who luca would have burned down the world for, it’s become something of a tomb. 

and then on sunday, he wakes and he finds that things are lighter, that he’s able to handle the grief. he can breathe in. he spends the afternoon in wilhelmina’s garden, away from the bustle of his siblings’ return. wren finds him there, hours later. 

“do you think she’d want me to... move on?” he asks, as if his youngest sibling will have any idea. he gets a shrug in reply, but wren still sits with him until it gets dark. and somehow that’s the push luca needed, that he can let go a little bit. that he can live without the shadow of his late wife watching over his every move. 

he thinks nathalie would be proud that he picked himself back up and did what he was meant to do. he knows that his sisters are. when his first valentine’s weekend alone is over, luca feels lighter than he has since the diagnosis, and it shows in his work, in the way he carries himself. 

he doesn’t lock himself away in the palace, instead he returns to engagement parties and balls held in honor of the dumbest things, and he does it with a bit more confidence, a little bit of a spring in his step. 

“and that’s the thing about illicit affairs and clandestine meetings and longing stares. they show their truth one single time, but they lie and they lie and they lie, a million little times.” - track 007. illicit affairs by taylor swift.

the first event back, they avoid each other for the first half of the weekend. but then henri can’t keep his eyes away, as luca carries a conversation instead of fading into the background. something’s different, something that henri can’t put his finger on but once he notices it’s terribly distracting. he can’t tear his eyes away. and when luca catches his stare across the room, and blushes just a little bit, it’s over. they’re right back to the start. 

in the spring of 2019, it becomes a habit. it seems like every royal event, they both end up as their country’s representative. whether it’s coincidence, fate or some sort of subconscious desire to see the other, there’s no way to tell, but they’re meeting eyes across ballrooms in japan and having conversations over cigars in botswana. 

in public, they simply read as two old friends. 

in private, they’re something more altogether.

they meet in hotel rooms and rented apartments, in europe and asia and one memorable time in new york city. 

after argentina, it’s always henri following luca to where he’s staying, and leaving before the morning comes. each time, though, luca starts to find that he wants more. he wants him to stay, but henri never does. 

and that should be enough of a sign, that this isn’t the same sort of thing for henri that it is for luca. 

but luca’s never been too good at reading the signs. 

“one last kiss i love you like an alcoholic. one last kiss, i love you like a stauette. one last kiss, i need you like a need a gaping head wound.” - track 008. i love you like an alcoholic by the taxpayers.

it’s may and they’ve been dancing around each other like this for months. they make their excuses and leave before the party’s end more often than not, check over their shoulders thousands of times to make sure no one will catch a glimpse of them. 

they keep it quiet because it’s the only option. luca isn’t looking for a scandal in a country still reeling from the death of it’s beloved queen, and henri isn’t looking to seem attached at all. 

they both say they’re getting what they want out of their meetings, but they’re not, really. they’re both too busy lying to themselves to realize that there’s a way that they can just reach out and have what they want. 

it all culminates in a few too many words said in the same apartment where it began, when luca’s drunken words become just a little bit too real. henri leaves and it feels different this time, like a nail in the coffin. 

luca wakes alone, but he’d been expecting it. 

he isn’t expecting his sisters to send guards to the apartment, to drag him back to the palace. 

he doesn’t expect the invasion. 

“hard feelings these are what they call hard feelings of love when the sweet words and fevers all leave us right here in the cold, oh oh.” - track 009. hard feelings/loveless by lorde.

it’s like a knife in his back, and he can’t even scream at him. henri disappears from his life into the night, just as easily as he’d entered it. luca rages when he’s alone, only allows himself to feel the loss of a lover, or even just a friend, when no one can see. he projects a strength he doesn’t have anymore, a mask that reminds him just a little bit too much of his father. he’s what his people need, for once. 

henri didn’t know, but who would believe him? he’s the one who left under the cover of the night while his own brother’s soldiers marched into the place he was running from. if he acts a little bit out of line when discussing it, it can be dismissed as being upset he’s been left out of the loop. if he hides away in his rooms for a few days, no one seems to read into it. 

when luca follows wilhelmina into the protection program, he only does so after figuring out that henri isn’t there. he’s not interested in seeing him ever again, to be honest. it’s easier that way, when he doesn’t have to worry about running into him randomly. he can prepare himself. 

the first event they both attend, luca manages to not look towards henri the entire night. it’s a win, a victory that he cannot believe he managed. he radiates calm only after hours of convincing himself everything will be alright, and only stays as long as he has to, trying to charm people who can help them out of their situation. 

henri can’t believe he misses catching luca’s gaze across a ballroom, but that little ache in his chest is something he refuses to feel again. he lets it go, tries his hardest to push everything out of his mind. it’s easier that way, he reminds himself. he couldn’t get attached, and even though he’s a little sad that the fun is over, it’s not the end of the world. 

both of them are liars, but they’ve managed to believe it.

when henri arrives in phuket, it’s to no fanfare. when a shouting match that he doesn’t want ensues, they both feel like they’re playing the part: henri as the villain and luca as the jilted lover. but yet again, the magnetism that pulls them together continues on. there’s no way they can avoid this. 

neither of them is going to make this easy. 

“cause if i had loved you the way you loved me before, or if you hadn't left me with this doubt creeping up my spine, maybe we could help this ” - track 011. getting on in spite of you by remember sports. 

#this is long as hell i am so sorry but i have a lot of thoughts n feelings. #hshqtask023 #long post #ok lmao yeah i wrote 2800 words and i cried a total of six times but this is also HALF ELIZA'S FAULT #i just had to get the whole thing out there so it wasn't in my brain anymore #hshqgraphix