#ok march 25 edit because i need to vent but also don’t want to write this anywhere where i might actually see it again so it’s going here.

[durindaina]

mhm. i’m trying to write my degree dissertation and like i know i have a point but it all feels so derivative.

i guess i’ll just email my advisor and nervously wait for her to tell me what needs fixing. which might be everything!

#anatxt #at some points i get the feeling that i should not tear into reagan so much bu then it hits me. it’s what he deserves #objectivity? hell yes he was objectively a terrible person! #koch too #and don’t even get me started on the evangelicals #ok march 25 edit because i need to vent but also don’t want to write this anywhere where i might actually see it again so it’s going here. #i just had a panic attack because i sent her an email this afternoon with part of my dissertation and asking for feedback #and she answered that she had written days ago to tell us (me and the other people she advises) that she had conferences and shit to attend #this week and that she would not be able to actually get through anything. and then she went on like she thought she’d been clear about how #we should all respect each other and that maybe in the future i should do like my peers and actually schedule check in dates #and she’s not wring about that! but she also never made it mandatory and more importantly i Never got any of those messages because if i had #i would obviously have done things differently because i’m not a dick #so i wrote back a couple paragraphs saying that you know actually i Have Been checking and checked again before responding and #i never got those messages!! but then i groveled and was like yeah of course i understood that she could not give me feedback and that i’d #try to set things up with more anticipation next time. and that i really appreciated all she does for us #and then i apologized again for the inconvenience and kept crying for a bit #because i’ve been running myself ragged for weeks and of course i understand that she has a lot of shit to do but i really just couldn’t #deal with that passive aggressive politeness. and at the same time i do feel that i did well by pointing to her that you know i’m sorry #about this but either i never got those messages or you never sent them to me so #on top of the fact that i just got a letter informing me that the doctor’s appt that i had last November that got postponed to april is #being postponed again. which i get but i’m just so fucking tired #god i just want to sleep for five months