#please watch psych its the funniest thing ever

[mister-maiden]

Deadly Premonition: A game so bad, it gained a cult following

The beginning scene opens up to an old man and two young boys walking across the leave ridden forest floor. The youths come across a small ladybug and give wonderful laughs as they frolic within the brush, the old man merely following along for the ride..Then suddenly the boys stumble across a woman tied to a tree with vines constricting her limbs in a Christ fashion. Her abdomen seemingly cut open, bled out like a pig with the boys merely staring, and the old man doing NOTHING to stop the boys from watching. All the old man can mutter is "oh Ana" as a white snake slowly wraps around the woman's body, slowly making its way up the tree as an eerie Japanese chorus can be heard in the background. As a time skip occurs, we see the old man standing in the same spot with a sheriff and his deputy...and the boys are still playing with the ladybug, right next to the woman's corpse impaled on the tree.

Yeah, I don't know what the hell I'm playing either. 

Welcome to Deadly Premonition, a game so bad that it has gained a cult following in recent years. I've never seen anything like it. Sure you have games like Superman for the Nintendo 64 that was so bad it became a joke, but this game has people defending how good it is BECAUSE it is so bad. It's the strangest paradox that I have ever processed.

Now. You begin your journey as special FBI agent Francis York Morgan, and your job is to find the murderer of this tree woman in Greenvale, a little town near a large forest. Through your investigation, you'll find yourself meeting some of the strangest folk you'll ever have the dis-pleasure of speaking too, including York himself. Every interaction with other characters is simply cringe worthy. So much of the dialogue feels like it belongs in the subreddit r/Iamverysmart. Your character will interrupt conversations, ignore important details, and speak to himself with dialogue straight from a fan fiction of Sonic the Hedgehog. I've never seen anything like it. The graphics are dated as the game was published in 2010. I don't mind graphics being downgraded or simply bad as long as the game play is okay....BUT.The game play is horrible. The movement controls are wonkier than old resident evil games, bullets have little to no impact, and when they hit York needs to comment about how nice of a shot it was, and you will find ammo everywhere so there is no sense of urgency in saving ammo.

 I can't think of a single piece of the game I really enjoyed.

The enemies are dumbed down zombies that bubble into nothing as they are defeated, giving soft groans with every shuffle towards York...who can just sprint past them without a care. There is no real danger from the enemies which forces them to simply be an annoyance rather than an actual obstacle. Nothing in this game is an actual challenge other than the horrible controls and driving mechanics. I can't even begin to describe the amount of times I was able to scuttle out of an area without so much as having to shoot a single bullet at these slow, ridiculous enemies. 

The setting is decent. The walls slowly begin to decay as York's mind slowly is driven into insanity with how horrible a game he is in. Jokes aside, the level creation was decent. Some areas that were once normal environments turn into deadly traps as York tries to find the dreaded killer and escape his haunting enemies. The only problem is the setting is the most difficult thing to remember because it all felt the same. 

Now through all of these bad details of a game that was catastrophically bad...Why would anyone say it's good?

It's because this game makes its components so bad that it comes out as UNIQUE. The way York speaks to himself is strange but involves the player as if he were breaking the fourth wall. The dialogue is so bad and cheesy, it makes for some of the funniest laughs imaginable. The story is sort of decent, if you can turn off your brain. It's completely otherworldly. I won't spoil anything here, but I never could guess what the hell was happening. 

I definitely can't say the game is completely bad. The story was interesting, but I just couldn't stretch my belief enough. The dialogue may have been bad, but it made me laugh at the most random times (be it good or bad for a survival horror game, that's your opinion). Perhaps I just can't find the hype surrounding it like so many others. I felt like I was just waiting on the next cut scene to give me more information about the story rather than focusing on the game play itself.

You see, even though it can be seen as "good" in SOME retrospects, I refuse to ignore its horrible qualities which outweigh the good. Characters are memorable, the story is plenty different from other games...but goodness I just can't bring it upon myself to say I enjoyed this game. I say using your best judgement would be difficult when asking whether or not you'd play this game, because you really won't know unless you play it. Some people absolutely love the game, and others hate it. Perhaps it's taste in what you're looking for! Either way, I hope you enjoy yourself with any game you find and never take someone's judgement as absolute! 

(Spoilers :l)

"What the hell did I just play" was the only thought crossing my mind as I recoiled my hands away from my keyboard. The ending credits slowly scrolled up my screen as I cringed in the utter disgust of wasting my time.

 Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a weird story here and there, but THIS story? It was WAY too stretched for me to enjoy.

First, York constantly is talking to himself and referring to the person he's talking to as "Zach" which could be seen as him breaking the fourth wall and talking to the player directly (which is a big no no in horror survival). His horrible attitude with others made me cringe as I had to follow this man for nearly 9 hours. I just couldn't stand it. Some of his dialogue made me want to just turn off my computer and pace.

Don't believe me? Please, I urge you to try reading this line where York is sitting in a cafe while a man orders quite the hilarious lunch.

Waiter: "Here you go, the usual. One turkey, strawberry jam, and cereal sandwich.

"York: "Sounds like the 'sinner's' sandwich. Self inflicted punishment to atone for past sins. He's setting an example."

I can assure you, I've never cringed so hard when listening to the dialogue of this game. This is merely 5 seconds. Imagine 9 hours of this. 

The story was just...ridiculous. Here's the big spoilers.

The killer is actually the sheriff in town who was actually the pawn of a traveling tree salesman who wished to spread death and terror through the red seeds found at each murder location throughout the nation. The sheriff believed he could gain immortality by consuming the red seeds and killing four people, but was simply being used. His partner, a cross dressing sheriff's assistant named Thomas MacLaine, had been assisting him the entire time because he loved him. As the story goes forward with more people dying, York finds out about the sheriff being the killer and puts an end to it..by fighting the sheriff as he...erm...mutates into a demon (I can't make this up). 

Later on, Thomas the cross dressing sheriff's assistant is killed by being stabbed by a knife he tossed into the sky as he was being attacked by a dog, and then being impaled on a hook. York finally confronts the tree salesman, only to realize that the tree salesman killed his mother by putting a red seed sapling inside of her. His father committed suicide because he couldn't bare to end his wife's suffering and was forced to watch. This trauma forced York's mind to scramble, causing his personalities to shift, and here is where we realize Zach is his real identity and York was the fake personality that the child made to protect his psyche (yeah).What the hell did I just play again? 

I don't even know how I could begin to describe my experience with this game. I can say Outlast made my heart pump. I could say Amnesia made me afraid of the dark. What could Deadly Premonition possibly give me?

Uniqueness. You will never find another game like it. Sure there are bad elements, but that's what makes this game such a strange cult classic. Some scenes I will never forget, but in this case, I think the scenes I'd like to forget far outweigh the ones I'll keep in my memories forever.

#deadly premonition #horror games #cult review #wtf

[itdisneymatter]

Day 04 - Hollywood Studios

TLDR: Hollywood Studios today. Absolutely non stop for the first five hours, attraction highlights include Frozen Sing Along, Star Tours, & Indy. Oh and some awesome guy won Toy Story Mania :P We missed Tower of Terror due to a late family lunch at a Drive In style Diner. Awesome lunch. Heavy Rain. Rain jackets on. Home. Mall. Purchased a new laptop. Missed dinner with the rest of the group, due to the aforementioned late family lunch. No appetite for dinner. Wrote today's entry on the new laptop - so. much. fastness! Good decision. End.

Hoo-ray for Hollywood!

We had to hit Hollywood Studios early for Jedi Academy registration as you can't book it in advance, which meant skipping breakfast (I really shouldn't even expect anything else, should I?). Kids managed to grab a banana but Ann and myself were good to wait, though we did receive our regular morning coffees courtesy of my parents (or their hotel rather).

Patrick loves learning about everything and has been churning out little tidbits of impressive yet totally useless facts at random intervals since we got here. So I'm introducing a new segment for the blog, Patrick's Fun Fact of the Day. So Patrick's Fun Fact of the Day for today is this: 

Water is the only substance which is heavier in its liquid form than when its a solid. Hence why ice floats on water.

(Some research into this does reveal that there are a handful of other unusual substances which exhibit the same property, but I'm gonna give him this one - he's still only 10). Look out for future installments soon!

Once we reached Hollywood Studios, we made a bee-line for the Jedi Academy to register. I remember from last time that the queues and wait were massive, but this time it was much more efficient, which is no bad thing. Had a return time for late afternoon, after lunch, which meant that our morning plan (which was pretty jam-packed), was untouched.

A little light one to start us off, the Path Of the Jedi - a 10 minute video which was a compilation of some of the best bits from all the Star Wars movies. For over a thousand generations, the Jedi Knights were the guardians of peace and justice in the Old Republic. Before the dark times, before the Empire. I've seen the movies hundreds of time but hearing these opening lines from Alec Guinness, sent shivers down my spine. Then seeing Carrie Fisher as the feisty Princess Leia, only added to it. One thing I forgot to mention on the first day was Robin Williams being the sole reason for me choosing The Genie for my Magic Band. There are certain people who absence on this earth you still struggle to get your head around and reminders of them bring are always laced with a little sadness. Williams is one and Carrie Fisher is another. Seeing Princess Leia on screen is amazing and heartbreaking in equal measure. The Last Jedi is going to be a sore one for many people I think. Anyway I digress. Even my brother Michael, who has never really seen the movies (yeah I know), said they looked good and wouldn't mind watching them.

Next up, was For A First Time In Forever, a Frozen Sing Along Celebration.  I might have said this before but this was the funniest thing I've seen in a long time (except those funny Buzz-feed posts about people completely misspelling words - that shit is funny, man). The two main characters, some random unknown characters, though not as unknown as the Arendelle baby (family in-joke, sorry), but their patter and puns were just brilliant, I couldn't stop laughing! The show essentially was a karaoke for (most of) the songs from Frozen and the girls, who were singing away without missing a word, loved it. Side note, this scene in the movie is my most favorite-est part ever, and its not because I fancy Elsa (though it kind of is).

And here’s a few more, including Grace & Emily singing along to the finale, which covered the whole audience in a blanket of snow :)

More Star Wars-y goodness in Star Tours, our first Fast Pass, was up next. We were all placed in the first two rows so had great seats! Prior to lifting off in our little spacecraft piloted by the Galaxy's favourite robotic duo, Threepio and R2, they select a random in the audience, who has been identified as the Rebel Spy. And Emily was selected as the Rebel Spy!!! :D Great simulator ride through Kashyyyk, Naboo & the Gungan City and wee BB8 even made an appearance. The kids were howling and screaming every time we dodged a Star Destroyer or Tie Fighter - fantastic ride. Gracie then wanted to buy a Chewie and Lightsaber in the wee shop after the ride, but as we were returning though it best to do it then, instead of carrying it about all day, she wasn't too pleased (kids can be so impatient, haha).

Indy next, and this was the Epic Stunt Spectacular lived up to its name. Not really changed in the last few decades but still a must-see. Even wee Isabella was going really excited by all the explosions and acrobatics. Pictures speak louder than words as they say, so here’s a few from today.

Stopped for a breather as it was pretty non stop since getting to the park, so the guys got some lunch while we just opted for some desserts as we had lunch booked for later in the day at Sci-fi Dine In Theater. 

Reach For The Sky!

After everyone was re=energized it was time for a bit of friendly competition in our next Fast Pass: Toy Story Mania, a 3-D shooting game where points mean... well just points, so the highest one wins. I’ve been unbeaten at this for the last two trips so I was psyching myself up beforehand as there were a few new contenders on the block. 

The Official Toy Story Mania Leader-board 2017

Gerry: 175400

Corrie: 144200

Michael: 137300

Ann: 128300

Kevin: 121600

Patrick: 90400 (?)

Robert: 78200

Pauline: 73600

Mum: 53600

Wullie: 53400

Alessio: 30200

Gracie: 20400

Emily: 16500

Oh looks who's top... I retain my Toy Story Crown for another year and absolutely smashed last visits score of 143,000. BOOM! Now to find somewhere to get this printed and laminated! :P Just need to continue my streak on Men In Black and Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin and Ill have won the Treble! We just made Beauty and the Beast Musical last show after that, and had pretty poor seats way at the back. It didn’t help that there was a big guy sitting right in front of me, blocking my or rather my camera's, vision. Great show which mirrored the animated classic (just like the live action movie, like seriously, no change or twist at all???).

Although we were right next to The Twilight Zone Tower Of Terror after existing Beauty, we had lunch booked, so unfortunately had to skip out on our last Fast Pass. Emily talked non stop about the Tower Of Terror before the holiday so she was more than excited at this point and she absolutely loved it. She was joined with Kevin, Michael, Sarah Jane and Corrie. 

Attack Of The 50ft Woman!

I think the first time I seen the iconic poster for this movie was in McFly's - a bar in Coatbridge Main St, which was my first real pub growing up. Some fond memories in there, and many hazy ones. Sci-Fi Dine In Theater - this place was the real deal, Cadillacs for booths, a huge screen showing clips of 50s classics. 50's style waiters and waitresses, milkshakes, retro decor all in the style of a 50's drive in (think Jack Rabbit Slims in Pulp Fiction with a big screen). It was phenomenal and really glad we booked it, 180 days or so ago now. I went for a Reuben sandwich (awesome), Patrick, a Caprese sandwich (possibly slightly better than mine, possibly), Robert settled on a classic cheeseburger and Ann & Gracie split a rack of ribs and a stack of onion rings. Root beer all round save for me who went with a classic Cherry Coke which came topped with a cherry on top (which that wee sneak-thief Gracie snaffled while I was watching the big screen). All served by the lovely Flora. Bonus Fun Fact Of The Day from Patrick: There were 48 cars in total in the restaurant, each representing one of the 48 states in 1955 :D Our car was from California. Highly recommend this one for anyone visiting, if you like that sort of thing.

You are no Jedi.

When we exited it started raining, HARD. We all had rain jackets, including my camera bag (thank you Manfrotto, you wonderful, thoughtful camera bag maker, you). This was similar to the other night, but I supposed we were better prepared for it this time. We found out where the rest of the party was, and caught up with them. They had just came out of The Great Movie Ride, and after a quick discussion, we agreed that heading home would be the best option. We had covered most of the main rides, with only a few smaller ones remaining, so not really missing anything. Leaving meant no Jedi Training, but they call off the Academy in the event of heavy rain anyway, so we may want to catch it again on our return (you could even call it, Return Of The Jedi! Ok, Ill shut up). We said our goodbyes (quickly) to the other party and set off from the park in a nice warm car (which is usually a bad thing, most days). We were comparing it to the day we visited Typhoon Lagoon two years ago, when it absolutely poured and it was such a vivid memory as the traffic was horrendously bad and took forever to get home. Then we ended up on Same road as typhoon lagoon, dun dun DUN! No delays this time around though, which was good.

Now Tuesday is Kids Eat Free at Miller's Alehouse and we had pre-arranged to all go there tonight, well except that I forgot that our lunch was so late at Hollywood, which meant we had not long eaten. So we dropped my mum and dad off at their hotel and said that we'd see how we felt about dinner later on. For the past few days Id been scouring the internet look for a laptop to replace the absolute dinosaur of a machine that I brought with me. The prices in general were pretty terrific, so I'd narrowed down a few from Best Buy and we made a plan to go pick one up. We got to the shop, where we were instantly set upon by a server asking what I was looking for, I explained the particular model, and she showed them to me. She then asked what it was for and I explained it was for internet and some photo editing. She then directed me towards some laptops at double the price, saying that these ones had touchscreen and had a better processor (it actually had the same processor, but I let it go). I mean don’t get me wrong she was pleasant enough, but don’t try and sell people Office by calling it 'Microsoft' - you either don’t know your stuff or that’s just a sales tactic to trip anyone up who doesn't know any better. I got the feeling it was the later after the hard sell on everything else, which is just plain wrong.

The thing is I wasn't planning to buy a laptop over here but after seeing the prices thought it would be good idea, but I really didn't want to spend a lot on it. To put it in perspective, the one I was looking at was $449 - the same spec machine in PC World back home was 500 quid! I don’t think the assistant really knew what she was talking about in all fairness, though it didn't help with Ann calling Lightroom, LIGHTNING ROOM! Haha, it was like that sketch from The Interns where Vince Vaughn kept saying 'On The Line' instead of Online. Wee soul :P

Going out to the Mall we got stuck in traffic, which meant that going for dinner was definitely out for us. Werent particularly hunger still, so just picked up some snacks, on the way home. When I unpacked and set up the laptop (it took a while to download and install Lightning Room ;) but I was more than impressed. Example - on the first night it took over 4hrs to download around 500 images from a 16Gb memory card. This laptop took less than 10 minutes to do the same. It actually seems to run faster than my Mac at home, so might need to look into a wee upgrade in the near future. On a complete unrelated note, Ann is  the most beautiful-est, prettiest girl in all the seven kingdoms... ;) 

To round off today, here’s our first wee family pic from Memory Maker taken this afternoon (when it was still sunny :)